Song of the day (LH): Dance wiv me - Dizzee Rascal feat Calvin Harris & Chrome
Happy birthday Tim!
After the festivities of the day before, I guess it was no surprise that I was tired.com. DaW let me sleep in so walked to the station. I always feel guilty when he does this but equally I know there are days when he does this intentionally to allow me to sleep. I think today was one of those. I slept until 10 in the end, those extra few hours made a world of difference.
I had a phone chat with B over reconstruction. It seems that everyone she has met has had reconstruction at the same time as the mastectomy and they've proceeded a few weeks later with radiotherapy. I don't know, it's such a minefield. What I do know is that the medics are the specialists in the disease/ treatment and I'm a specialist in me. Tricky business. Whilst chemo isn't pleasant, it's a temporary process with temporary consequences in terms of hair etc. Whereas surgery is permanent. No going back. B suggested getting a second opinion, which wasn't a bad call. She's being treated at the Marsden and recommended someone there. Given that it's one of the best cancer hospitals in the country it felt like a good choice. After our chat I called Axa....whilst the specialist recommended was recognised by them, it was not by my particular policy. What frustrates me when you talk to them is that they don't give you the option to make a top up a payment, something that following other conversations is a possibility rather than having to pay the full fees. I decided to email a contact at work to see if they could talk to Axa. What to do? Should I, shan't I? Mmn, I decided to wait until after my oncology appointment that afternoon to see what Dr Davis and Jane's views were.
The more pressing issue was updating my blog! I was conscious that the previous week had been filled with birthday fun, team days etc, so I was really behind in terms of posts. So I knew it was going to be a week of blogging. With a bit of pressure it's slightly less fun to write but shut and plough on!
Aside from my Mum popping in with washing, I spent the day on my own. I felt exhausted. So I blogged and did a bit of work but I could tell my heart was in neither.
I picked up Ces at 4pm, as she had kindly agreed to come with for my oncology appointment. Dr Davis is fab, she tells me how things are pretty unequivocally but it's packaged in a more light hearted approach. I really like her and trust her judgement. I guess that's good. We went through my notes (only 1 page!), of post chemo symptoms, all of which were to be expected. She even grabbed my notebook at one stage as she couldn't believe I had so little written down! Progress! The conversation then moved into the reconstruction discussion from Friday. Dr Davis' view in support of having reconstruction post radiotherapy to get the best medical outcome. She didn't go into the ins and outs of things but she said it would be easier to administer and thus have a better chance of success. She felt that 2 years was cautious and she knew of surgeons that would do reconstruction 6 months post radiotherapy. Her advice was potentially to wait around the year mark. Ok, this sounds more sensible. In essence though the message was clear from her that reconstruction post radiotherapy was the preferred medical route. Hmm. Dr Davis and Jane were supportive of a second opinion and Jane knew of several cases being transferred to the Marsden. Tricky.
The best news of the appointment was confirmation that my hair was growing back! That's right folks! Over the weekend I had asked DW if the fluff on the top of my head had been there for a while/ during previous chemo cycles. He said no, he felt it was new. I didn't want to get too excited and wanted to confirm with Dr Davis, so it was a real boost when she said it was growing back! The difficult bit is now looking to cut of the bits that never went so that the hair grows back consistently. No rush, but I'll need to do this sooner rather than later. Not something I'm looking forward to, even though I know it'll be the right thing in the long run!
We walked down the corridor with Jane to see if we could book my last MRI/ CT. The office was closed but it gave some time to have a quick chat with her and her thoughts. Rightly she emphasised the tailor made treatment plan point and also the fact that if I get a second opinion and it's drastically different from what I'm currently being advised...then what? All fair points. The bit that was reassuring was her showing where the mastectomy scar would be. Thank goodness it won't be visible, as it's underneath the current boob. We also agreed that it would be good to have a Jane session to discuss all of the surgery chats so far and also talk practicalities (bras/ prosthetics etc).
On the way home, Ces and I had a good debrief. In some ways seeing Dr Davis I had got my second opinion. Yes, of course she'll have discussed things with Miss P but she did also give a slightly different perspective. Plus she didn't just focus on the word, recurrence. I felt better after this appointment and was pretty sure that I would accept what I had been told and focus on that. 6 months or 2 years, it doesn't make too much of a difference. The only difference would be if I had both operations at the same time ahead of radiotherapy. Mmn......
As Ces has got one arm in a cast at the moment, it's tricky for her to tie her hair up. At one stage on the way back she suddenly exclaimed "oh my god my hair's falling out', quickly followed by a sorry that was so inappropriate. I didn't mind, it was just hilarious!!!
I was absolutely shattered by the time I got home and this continued into the evening. Some sofa snoozing was required and then bedtime. Good night.xxx
Tuesday 17th June
Song of the day (LH): See the day - Dee C.Lee
Song of the day (VW): Dreams - Fleetwood Mac
Note around VW's song of the day....this is potentially my all time favourite song. I love Stevie Nicks' voice and the drums. Beautiful.
Still tired.com and I even got another lie in thanks to DW. The morning was spent blogging even though my head was hurting...time for some paracetamol. I headed into work at lunchtime, though probably should have stayed at home. It's a difficult balance sometimes, as seeing people really does energise me. Going into the office, can be a bad decision though for the waistline. Today's fabulous Debbie creation was an orange and passionfruit cake for Helen's birthday. Amazing. Of course!
I had meetings all afternoon, just as well really as I don't think I would have achieved much else. A lovely email came in from Charlie Mayfield in response to my email that I had sent the previous day to inform him of our partnership race for life team and to formally thank Debbie, Ian and the Home BU for being so amazing. DG I know you think it was cringey but I wanted to formally recognise how amazing you've been! : ))
After work I headed to Odney, as I needed to get my nails done. When I say needed to, I really did as I couldn't bear the sound of my nails clicking on the keys. I got there and had a good natter with Clae before Anna arrived to get her nails painted. To ensure we didn't smudge our lovely nails, we went for a quick drink to allow the nails to dry a bit more. Odney in the summer is so beautiful, it was a shame it was a bit nippy to sit outside.
Photo no.300 - post manicure glass of vino!
Photo no.301 - gorgeous nails!
It was a really lovely evening, one to be repeated inclusive of food!
When I got home, I found out some news from a friend. All I'm going to say is that at times this world is so cruel, causing pain for those who least deserve it and my heart really reaches out to them.
A tired and melancholy lady...time for bed. DW often surprises me. He's a man of if you want something, get it yourself. This evening when I was getting ready for bed, he brought a bottle of water up for me. I hadn't asked. Simple gestures such as these mean the world, as you know that person really cares. Really, really.
Wednesday 18th June
Song of the day (LH): Hey ya - Outkast
Song of the day (VW): Finally - CeCe Peniston
Woohoo! VW is back in the zone! So, as you can tell I was feeling good. In fact, today I realised how run down I had felt the past couple of days.
I had a great yoga/ meditation session with Davinder. That hour is just bliss. It's great to be transported elsewhere.
After this I picked up Ces and we went to Marlow, as I needed to take back the sunnies I had ordered before I knew DW had bought my some for my birthday. I hate shops with a 14 days return policy as it often catches you out! Thankfully, I remembered about taking these back in the nick of time!
Feeling good, hayfever aside, I had productive afternoon at work, so much so I stayed a lot later than planned. Sometimes these things happen and it's best just to go with the flow. On the way home I popped into see someone. I could see their heart had been broken. So cruel. They will be ok in time, as time does heal, corny but true. But I wish so much so that the situation hadn't never arisen and that a huge hug would make it all better. Sometimes things are more complicated.
Staying later at work meant that my evening home alone had been eaten into. It's rare that I have an evening on my own, especially when I'm not being babysat. So I was relishing some time on my own. However, after picking up some food, I got a text from DW saying that he was nearly at the station and I could pick him up. D'oh! I can't complain it was nice having him home but soon I will have an evening of V time! I had also planned to write some more blog but that was not to be. Recognise when you need some time out!
Thursday 19th June
Song of the day (LH): Heaven must be missing an angel - Tavares
Song of the day (VW): Ain't no love, ain't no use - Sub Sub
Ah hello tiredness, you've decided to make a reappearance. VW you might have overdone it yesterday. I'm terrible at judging when to stop when I'm feeling good. Something to work on.
The morning was spent blog, blog, blogging away! I finally felt that I was in control and I would make my target of being up to date by Sunday...here's hoping!
I went into work and was just starting to feel like I was getting back into the swing of things...but oh yep, next week I'm being boshed so that'll be done for a week. It can be so frustrating but I've got my focussed sorted for my next work stint so that felt good.
Today I was pondering about surgery again. Partly as I had received an email from B, saying that she knew of 5 people who had followed the same treatment pattern as me (chemo - surgery - radio) and they had all had reconstruction done at the same time as surgery. It's tough reading these emails as I know her intentions are good but there is a lot of individuality in the cases so it's tricky to know these 5 cases are comparable. I don't know the ins and outs of their cases so there could be a good reason why I can't. Maybe I just need some more clarity from my surgeon. Who knows. I really can't decide what's right and what's wrong. In my heart I think Miss P is right so maybe I should just go with that.......
It timed out well that I picked DW up from the station so that we could arrive home together. Tonight's dinner was the roasted chicken salad that you've seen on several occasions. I had been organised enough to defrost some chicken from the butcher. This made a world of difference as it was so succulent! DW decided wine was required this evening so we tried a Brazilian wine for the first time. It was good, so one to try!
Photo no.302 - Brazilian wine time!
My mum popped in with some ironing that she had done for us and joined us for a glass of wine. My Dad had mentioned about coming over as well but the football was on so no chance! I know his priorities! ; ) DW kept running up and downstairs to check on the score...1-0 Urguguay...1-1...2-1 Uruguay....England you may have some fantastic players but perhaps you need some more passion and team playing...plus you've really got to want it! This was so evident on the Uruguayan players' faces.
Bedtime couldn't have come soon enough....zzzzzz!
Friday 20th June
Song of the day (LH): Let me down easy - Paolo Nutini
Song of the day (VW): You and me song - The Wannadies
So I got some jip for my choice of song today. I like it, it's upbeat and the chorus is great. Having said that, credit where credit is due LH's song of the day is pretty good and made me have a morning listening to Paolo Nutini. Aside from his new shoes, I knew little of his work, so actually it was great exploration into something new. I also need to give a big thank you at this point. LH never fails to send me a song each day, something I really appreciate and look forward to receiving everyday...I'm not sure if he's read the bit about reconstruction not happening for a couple of years.....!
A quick hour of blogging required and I was pretty much where I wanted to be. So that felt like a huge relief.
I headed up to the Haven late morning as I had a Healing session booked and also my mid review. Remarkably for me I got there pretty early and was feeling good about that until I got to the car park at Fulham Broadway and was told that only 1 floor was open so it was 1 in, 1 out...great! Thankfully I waited a few minutes and I was let in. Phew. Street parking is all well and good but not when you don't know how long you're going to be.
Ros was doing my Healing session. I had met her previously for my Bach Flower remedies session. It's nice to see a familiar face. I've never had a Healing session before so it was all new to me. It started off with some gentle breathing exercises to relax. Then visualisation, which I had to imagine walking through a meadow, the birds singing, a beautiful clear blue sky, going into a narrower path into a circle of trees. In the middle of the circle was a giant crystal which I had to step into. This was my safe place during the Healing. For the first part of the visualisation, I imagined I was in Richmond in the meadows alongside the river. Then it changed to path in a field in Turville. When it got to the crystal part I couldn't for whatever reason visualise the circle of trees, so I jumped to the crystal. Mine was a large clear teardrop shaped crystal, with the point at the top. It was fluid so I could get in easily. I was tiny, a bit like in Alice in Wonderland where she drinks the various potions. There I stayed during the Healing, well aside from the moments where my mind wandered off. It was a really good experience. Aside from light pressure being put on my feet, shoulders and head, the rest of the Healing was done without touching me. Slightly surreal at times and I did take a couple of peeks to see what was going on.
At the end of the Healing, we had a debrief. Apparently my energy is warm and soft. She noted that I had been creative when I was younger and I should not ignore this as this sits firmly at my core and is something that nourishes me. More flute playing required then. My will is strong, so I will complete whatever I set my mind to, even if this is not a natural preference in terms of what I'm doing. Interesting. Overall my energy colour was thought to be orange but with some yellow. The best part was when I was asked to describe the type of circle and crystal that I had visualised. As I said I couldn't depict a circles but once I had visualised my crystal the circle of trees became clear and I saw a maze type of hedge, it was as if my crystal was in the centre of the maze. My crystal turned out to be the purest type but Ros couldn't help laughing about the maze hedges (yew hedges I believe), in that she felt I had made it a lot harder for myself than I had needed to. I could have just pictured a simple circle of trees with no boundaries and complexity. But oh no I had to go for the maze! I find these things fascinating and do believe that help. The aim of the session if for the healer to restore the balance of the chakra's and direct positive energy to me. I will definitely take some of that please! Feeling nourished and calm, I headed out for some lunch. Of course you know where I went.....I was in need of some juice, though I have to say if I'd have had more time I would have ventured down to Local hero deli in Parson's Green.
Photo no.303 - burrito lunch...amazing!
After lunch, I met Sonia for my mid review. The Haven sets up these reviews to see how you're getting on with the therapies being offered. I should have had it with Nadia but for whatever reason this was not to be. It was good meeting someone new and having a chat through things with them and get their thoughts from the various people they meet. I talked around the surgery debate and she didn't see anything wrong with what was being proposed and didn't exert a view that it was an outdated way to treat my disease or that surgery and recon together would be a better route. We decided that for my remaining credits (it's like being back at university), I would have another couple of Healing sessions as you feel the most benefit from this type of therapy if you have more than one.
The Haven is absolutely a haven. So I felt so refreshed having spent quite a few hours there. The sofa area is a great place to relax with a peppermint tea, though at some point it would be nice if the building work outside would stop! Apparently they've been working on it for 3 years, so it must nearly be finished!
I drove up to Daniel's office to drop the car off and then did something I extremely rarely do...hailed a joe le taxi! It felt so indulgent! My destination, JL Oxford St, though I got out by Claridges and walked from there as I have become so lazy, so time on my feet was needed! The aim of JL visit....to review the sunnies that DW had bought me for my birthday, as I thought the ones he had bought, as nice as they were, were potentially too large for my face! So here goes...
Photo no.304 - alternative #1
Photo no.305 - alternative #2...these are the same as the ones that DW bought me but in purple..perhaps still a bit big!
Photo no.306 - alternative #3...the same as #1 but in brown with polarised lenses.
I find it so hard choosing these type of things, so I pinged photos over to DW left, right and centre to get his view. In the end I had tried on about 5 pairs and decided that alternatives 1 and 3 were the best but I wasn't sure regarding colour, to took both so DW could help me decide! In the end the verdict was the brown ones, I hope you approve!
After sunglass gate, I then spent over half an hour on the phone to AXA. Someone from work had kindly called them to see what could be done about potentially going to the Marsden for a second opinion. Friday afternoon is often not the best time for these types of conversations, as people have left for the weekend etc. In end after I finally got the message across that I wasn't going to the Marsden on Monday they were going to look into any whether I could go and just pay any shortfall. After the phone call though I had an email from the lady at work saying that Axa would pay for a consultation...result! Now I just need to decide whether I still want to do it or not....so difficult! I also got to the bottom of the work policy situation. It turns out that the new scheme is also new to Axa, which means that not all consultants have signed up to. Apparently Miss P hasn't either but for the time being they are honouring this until next April. Phew but what happens in 2 years....I guess deal with this later.
After a much needed cup of tea, DW picked me up and we headed to Chiswick for birthday dinner #2 at La Trompette with two of my favourite ladies! A speedy change and head dress shift and we were good to go. I had been really looking forward to this as the menu looked awesome, I just hoped I wouldn't be disappointed. So here's what I had!
Photo no.307 - to begin...thinly sliced and grilled octopus with brandade beignets, fennel, cuttlefish, tarama and gremolata - nice but not amazing.
Photo no.308 - our wine of choice...unusual combo of grapes but it really worked.
Photo no.310 - fromage! This is something I do regret not taking advantage of potentially one of the most amazing cheese boards I've seen...it took about 10 minutes for the waiter to explain it!
Photo no.311 - Rhubarb crumble soufflé with rhubarb ripple ice cream....this was pretty incredible....to go with it I had a glass of Portuguese Rose dessert wine, which was delicious.
So a good dinner, not amazing and potentially not a revisit considering the bill, as it was
£££ but a fab evening with DW and my favourite Chiswick dwellers! Love you ladies! Big thank you to my chauffeur. xxx
Saturday 21st June
Song of the day (LH): Hideaway - Kiesza
Song of the day (VW): Jamming - Bob Marley & the Wailers
It's the weekend so a lie in would be nice...of course that didn't happen. Whenever you crave this it doesn't happen, so instead I decided to get up and have a relaxing bath. Various bath oils/ salts in, check. Spa music, check. Listening to the boys next door run around...boo! There is always a period around 9-10 where there is a hive of neighbour active on a Saturday morning, enough to make you give up on a lie, and then after this time it all goes quiet. I would love it if this could shift to say 11-12....but hey I don't think I've got a say!
Instead we had a lovely lazy morning with breakfast outside, reading some magazines and enjoying the sunshine (Benedryl at the ready!). Some chore time was required so many washing loads/ some obligatory tidying etc and then we headed to the butcher to get the weekend meat!
Photo no.312 - beautiful flowers from two beautiful ladies complete with a birthday gift taking me to the open air opera in Chiswick. I can't wait! Thank you so much!!! xxx
Photo no.313 - a sign for a dating website...nope, that'll be my butcher's sign!
I have bored you with tears about how impressive I think this butcher is, so I won't bother today but all I'll say is check out Lewis of Sunningdale.
DW and I have been debating for a while whether we should get a second car. I've found our new car heavy to drive and simple things such as closing the boot really pull on my arms. Many of you will have known for ages that I've wanted a Fiat 500 convertible. My dream was fulfilled temporarily a few years ago in Sweden when we got one for a hire car but I've still longed for my own. With surgery coming up I won't be able to drive for a couple of weeks but given how I find the Giulietta to drive, I think this will delay this further. So on a sunny summer's day we decided to take a test drive and find out some options for the Fiat 500C!
Photo no.314 - DW's dream car...Barbie pink!
We discussed various options with Abb, who had sold the Giulietta to us back in January. We went away with different proposals to consider. We'll see.......fingers crossed! ; ))
Back home, it was blog time for me...it's a 7 day a week job at the moment! Time fly back and it was not long before we needed to drive to Hamilton HQ for a BBQ! Gourmet burgers, yep. Pork and apple sausages, yep. Boerewors, yep. Chicken skwers, yep. Good to go!!!
It was a brilliant evening in the Hamilton garden and another fantastic dinner outside, complete with many sneezes! Dan and Britta had joined us, which was great. DW had requested they bring Kubb, so we had a girls vs boys tournament. As Ces had to play left handed, Rob did the gentlemanly thing and also played with his left hand. Although I'm a leftie, I actually played with my right hand...petanque playing days coming in handy!!! It was so much fun and good to be playing with someone who knew the rules.
Photo no.315 - the Kubb court...play in action..complete with a boogie pose from Dan!
Photo no.316 - a different view of the Kubb court, complete with mini Stonehenge towers...one day we'll play together and it'll all become clear!
The boys won, 2 games to 1 with DW throwing the final baton in a rather blasé way. Next time the girls will be triumphant!!!
A wonderful summer's evening...thanks Mr & Mrs Hamilton for your amazing hospitality and Mr and Mrs Lawes for your company and Kubb! xxx
Sunday 22nd June
Song of the day (LH): OPP - Naughty By Nature
Song of the day (VW): Represent - Orishas
My song choice today, takes me back to my Friday nights about 10 years ago, I can't believe it was so long ago, when DW, Kim and I used to frequent a Cuban bar on Wardour Street, which served the best cocktails and had a pretty impressive cigar menu. I don't know why but I love the smell of cigars. The bar was great as above each table was an extractor fan, so you experienced the wonderful smell without having the smell sunken into your attire. Sadly, this place still exists but just isn't the same since the smoking ban. They always used to play this song and I absolutely love it. Happy Friday nights!
I woke up at 9am, disgruntled about the lack of a lie in once more but oh no what was this....after falling asleep once more it was midday! Woohoo! But also argh!!! I've got lots to do today.
It was too hot to eat breakfast on the terrace, as after midday it's the warmest sun trap, so breakfast inside today. We decided a walk along the Thames was required so parked in Remenham and strolled along the path into Henley. It was busy.....Henley Women's Regatta (Neil I will always think of you whenever I say regatta now!) was on. There was such a good atmosphere, with the tow path filled with supporters. In many ways it was so much nicer than the infamous Henley Men's Regatta that takes place at the beginning of July, as most people were there to support a team rather than a jug of Pimm's!
Photo no.317 - Coot-lings on the Thames!
Photo no.318 - go ladies!!!
Photo no.319 - a quintessential river shot...boats on the Thames. Wonderful.
Photo no.320 - new sunnies selfie!
Though hot, we had a great walk and it was fantastic to soak up the atmosphere of today's river life. It seems whenever we go there is always something different to see, whether it be a seasonal change or a championship race.
Back at home it was time to bake some banana bread for tomorrow's chemo session. We have promised Regina cake and cake is exactly what she's going to get! Debbie is baking a date and walnut cake and I've gone for a straight forward, no frills big on flavour banana bread. We'll see if either of them impress her tomorrow!!!
After baking, it was blog time for me but tonight I was allowed a glass of vinho. Thank you to the Smith's for this bottle. It was absolutely brilliant!
Photo no.321 - I blog, therefore I drink (and eat Kettle chips).
On medical grounds (increased iron consumption), sirloin steak was on tonight's dinner agenda. I made the Pitt Cue & Co rub, now a BBQ essential in our household.
Photo no.322 - the meat chef!
Photo no.323 - not bad....
Photo no.324 - a panzanella salad for accompaniment.
Photo no.325 - a happy DW with a good dinner & wine.
A great dinner. This steak is the absolute best. Hawksmoor/ Gaucho, this is steak.
After dinner we sat by the still warm BBQ and enjoyed the warm summer's evening. I even BBQ'd a peach for dessert, which was absolutely scrumptious.
Photo no.326 - happiness is tea lights.
What a week! Thankfully another good one filled with much love and laughter. Slightly more sneezing than is required thanks to the pollen count. Tomorrow is my last chemo session. I've got mixed feelings going into tomorrow. I hope that my blood count means that it can actually go ahead, as there's always that feeling of will it, won't it happen. After tomorrow we launch into a new post chemo era. Of course it's positive but it will be slightly weird coming out of our lives being controlled by a three week cycle. All for the better but some adjustment to be made. I'm still unsure what to do about gaining a second opinion for surgery. DW seems content to go ahead as planned so perhaps this is the right option. We'll see what the chat with Jane holds tomorrow morning. As always thanks to everyone who has shared my week with me, in particular, Ces who has been incredibly supportive and listened to many a surgery conversation. DW we enter a new chapter after tomorrow. Hurrah and it's only 4 weeks until we go to the seaside! Yay! Right time to sign off. After all a girl needs her pre chemo sleep! Much love. xxx
After the festivities of the day before, I guess it was no surprise that I was tired.com. DaW let me sleep in so walked to the station. I always feel guilty when he does this but equally I know there are days when he does this intentionally to allow me to sleep. I think today was one of those. I slept until 10 in the end, those extra few hours made a world of difference.
I had a phone chat with B over reconstruction. It seems that everyone she has met has had reconstruction at the same time as the mastectomy and they've proceeded a few weeks later with radiotherapy. I don't know, it's such a minefield. What I do know is that the medics are the specialists in the disease/ treatment and I'm a specialist in me. Tricky business. Whilst chemo isn't pleasant, it's a temporary process with temporary consequences in terms of hair etc. Whereas surgery is permanent. No going back. B suggested getting a second opinion, which wasn't a bad call. She's being treated at the Marsden and recommended someone there. Given that it's one of the best cancer hospitals in the country it felt like a good choice. After our chat I called Axa....whilst the specialist recommended was recognised by them, it was not by my particular policy. What frustrates me when you talk to them is that they don't give you the option to make a top up a payment, something that following other conversations is a possibility rather than having to pay the full fees. I decided to email a contact at work to see if they could talk to Axa. What to do? Should I, shan't I? Mmn, I decided to wait until after my oncology appointment that afternoon to see what Dr Davis and Jane's views were.
The more pressing issue was updating my blog! I was conscious that the previous week had been filled with birthday fun, team days etc, so I was really behind in terms of posts. So I knew it was going to be a week of blogging. With a bit of pressure it's slightly less fun to write but shut and plough on!
Aside from my Mum popping in with washing, I spent the day on my own. I felt exhausted. So I blogged and did a bit of work but I could tell my heart was in neither.
I picked up Ces at 4pm, as she had kindly agreed to come with for my oncology appointment. Dr Davis is fab, she tells me how things are pretty unequivocally but it's packaged in a more light hearted approach. I really like her and trust her judgement. I guess that's good. We went through my notes (only 1 page!), of post chemo symptoms, all of which were to be expected. She even grabbed my notebook at one stage as she couldn't believe I had so little written down! Progress! The conversation then moved into the reconstruction discussion from Friday. Dr Davis' view in support of having reconstruction post radiotherapy to get the best medical outcome. She didn't go into the ins and outs of things but she said it would be easier to administer and thus have a better chance of success. She felt that 2 years was cautious and she knew of surgeons that would do reconstruction 6 months post radiotherapy. Her advice was potentially to wait around the year mark. Ok, this sounds more sensible. In essence though the message was clear from her that reconstruction post radiotherapy was the preferred medical route. Hmm. Dr Davis and Jane were supportive of a second opinion and Jane knew of several cases being transferred to the Marsden. Tricky.
The best news of the appointment was confirmation that my hair was growing back! That's right folks! Over the weekend I had asked DW if the fluff on the top of my head had been there for a while/ during previous chemo cycles. He said no, he felt it was new. I didn't want to get too excited and wanted to confirm with Dr Davis, so it was a real boost when she said it was growing back! The difficult bit is now looking to cut of the bits that never went so that the hair grows back consistently. No rush, but I'll need to do this sooner rather than later. Not something I'm looking forward to, even though I know it'll be the right thing in the long run!
We walked down the corridor with Jane to see if we could book my last MRI/ CT. The office was closed but it gave some time to have a quick chat with her and her thoughts. Rightly she emphasised the tailor made treatment plan point and also the fact that if I get a second opinion and it's drastically different from what I'm currently being advised...then what? All fair points. The bit that was reassuring was her showing where the mastectomy scar would be. Thank goodness it won't be visible, as it's underneath the current boob. We also agreed that it would be good to have a Jane session to discuss all of the surgery chats so far and also talk practicalities (bras/ prosthetics etc).
On the way home, Ces and I had a good debrief. In some ways seeing Dr Davis I had got my second opinion. Yes, of course she'll have discussed things with Miss P but she did also give a slightly different perspective. Plus she didn't just focus on the word, recurrence. I felt better after this appointment and was pretty sure that I would accept what I had been told and focus on that. 6 months or 2 years, it doesn't make too much of a difference. The only difference would be if I had both operations at the same time ahead of radiotherapy. Mmn......
As Ces has got one arm in a cast at the moment, it's tricky for her to tie her hair up. At one stage on the way back she suddenly exclaimed "oh my god my hair's falling out', quickly followed by a sorry that was so inappropriate. I didn't mind, it was just hilarious!!!
I was absolutely shattered by the time I got home and this continued into the evening. Some sofa snoozing was required and then bedtime. Good night.xxx
Tuesday 17th June
Song of the day (LH): See the day - Dee C.Lee
Song of the day (VW): Dreams - Fleetwood Mac
Note around VW's song of the day....this is potentially my all time favourite song. I love Stevie Nicks' voice and the drums. Beautiful.
Still tired.com and I even got another lie in thanks to DW. The morning was spent blogging even though my head was hurting...time for some paracetamol. I headed into work at lunchtime, though probably should have stayed at home. It's a difficult balance sometimes, as seeing people really does energise me. Going into the office, can be a bad decision though for the waistline. Today's fabulous Debbie creation was an orange and passionfruit cake for Helen's birthday. Amazing. Of course!
I had meetings all afternoon, just as well really as I don't think I would have achieved much else. A lovely email came in from Charlie Mayfield in response to my email that I had sent the previous day to inform him of our partnership race for life team and to formally thank Debbie, Ian and the Home BU for being so amazing. DG I know you think it was cringey but I wanted to formally recognise how amazing you've been! : ))
After work I headed to Odney, as I needed to get my nails done. When I say needed to, I really did as I couldn't bear the sound of my nails clicking on the keys. I got there and had a good natter with Clae before Anna arrived to get her nails painted. To ensure we didn't smudge our lovely nails, we went for a quick drink to allow the nails to dry a bit more. Odney in the summer is so beautiful, it was a shame it was a bit nippy to sit outside.
Photo no.300 - post manicure glass of vino!
Photo no.301 - gorgeous nails!
It was a really lovely evening, one to be repeated inclusive of food!
When I got home, I found out some news from a friend. All I'm going to say is that at times this world is so cruel, causing pain for those who least deserve it and my heart really reaches out to them.
A tired and melancholy lady...time for bed. DW often surprises me. He's a man of if you want something, get it yourself. This evening when I was getting ready for bed, he brought a bottle of water up for me. I hadn't asked. Simple gestures such as these mean the world, as you know that person really cares. Really, really.
Wednesday 18th June
Song of the day (LH): Hey ya - Outkast
Song of the day (VW): Finally - CeCe Peniston
Woohoo! VW is back in the zone! So, as you can tell I was feeling good. In fact, today I realised how run down I had felt the past couple of days.
I had a great yoga/ meditation session with Davinder. That hour is just bliss. It's great to be transported elsewhere.
After this I picked up Ces and we went to Marlow, as I needed to take back the sunnies I had ordered before I knew DW had bought my some for my birthday. I hate shops with a 14 days return policy as it often catches you out! Thankfully, I remembered about taking these back in the nick of time!
Feeling good, hayfever aside, I had productive afternoon at work, so much so I stayed a lot later than planned. Sometimes these things happen and it's best just to go with the flow. On the way home I popped into see someone. I could see their heart had been broken. So cruel. They will be ok in time, as time does heal, corny but true. But I wish so much so that the situation hadn't never arisen and that a huge hug would make it all better. Sometimes things are more complicated.
Staying later at work meant that my evening home alone had been eaten into. It's rare that I have an evening on my own, especially when I'm not being babysat. So I was relishing some time on my own. However, after picking up some food, I got a text from DW saying that he was nearly at the station and I could pick him up. D'oh! I can't complain it was nice having him home but soon I will have an evening of V time! I had also planned to write some more blog but that was not to be. Recognise when you need some time out!
Thursday 19th June
Song of the day (LH): Heaven must be missing an angel - Tavares
Song of the day (VW): Ain't no love, ain't no use - Sub Sub
Ah hello tiredness, you've decided to make a reappearance. VW you might have overdone it yesterday. I'm terrible at judging when to stop when I'm feeling good. Something to work on.
The morning was spent blog, blog, blogging away! I finally felt that I was in control and I would make my target of being up to date by Sunday...here's hoping!
I went into work and was just starting to feel like I was getting back into the swing of things...but oh yep, next week I'm being boshed so that'll be done for a week. It can be so frustrating but I've got my focussed sorted for my next work stint so that felt good.
Today I was pondering about surgery again. Partly as I had received an email from B, saying that she knew of 5 people who had followed the same treatment pattern as me (chemo - surgery - radio) and they had all had reconstruction done at the same time as surgery. It's tough reading these emails as I know her intentions are good but there is a lot of individuality in the cases so it's tricky to know these 5 cases are comparable. I don't know the ins and outs of their cases so there could be a good reason why I can't. Maybe I just need some more clarity from my surgeon. Who knows. I really can't decide what's right and what's wrong. In my heart I think Miss P is right so maybe I should just go with that.......
It timed out well that I picked DW up from the station so that we could arrive home together. Tonight's dinner was the roasted chicken salad that you've seen on several occasions. I had been organised enough to defrost some chicken from the butcher. This made a world of difference as it was so succulent! DW decided wine was required this evening so we tried a Brazilian wine for the first time. It was good, so one to try!
Photo no.302 - Brazilian wine time!
My mum popped in with some ironing that she had done for us and joined us for a glass of wine. My Dad had mentioned about coming over as well but the football was on so no chance! I know his priorities! ; ) DW kept running up and downstairs to check on the score...1-0 Urguguay...1-1...2-1 Uruguay....England you may have some fantastic players but perhaps you need some more passion and team playing...plus you've really got to want it! This was so evident on the Uruguayan players' faces.
Bedtime couldn't have come soon enough....zzzzzz!
Friday 20th June
Song of the day (LH): Let me down easy - Paolo Nutini
Song of the day (VW): You and me song - The Wannadies
So I got some jip for my choice of song today. I like it, it's upbeat and the chorus is great. Having said that, credit where credit is due LH's song of the day is pretty good and made me have a morning listening to Paolo Nutini. Aside from his new shoes, I knew little of his work, so actually it was great exploration into something new. I also need to give a big thank you at this point. LH never fails to send me a song each day, something I really appreciate and look forward to receiving everyday...I'm not sure if he's read the bit about reconstruction not happening for a couple of years.....!
A quick hour of blogging required and I was pretty much where I wanted to be. So that felt like a huge relief.
I headed up to the Haven late morning as I had a Healing session booked and also my mid review. Remarkably for me I got there pretty early and was feeling good about that until I got to the car park at Fulham Broadway and was told that only 1 floor was open so it was 1 in, 1 out...great! Thankfully I waited a few minutes and I was let in. Phew. Street parking is all well and good but not when you don't know how long you're going to be.
Ros was doing my Healing session. I had met her previously for my Bach Flower remedies session. It's nice to see a familiar face. I've never had a Healing session before so it was all new to me. It started off with some gentle breathing exercises to relax. Then visualisation, which I had to imagine walking through a meadow, the birds singing, a beautiful clear blue sky, going into a narrower path into a circle of trees. In the middle of the circle was a giant crystal which I had to step into. This was my safe place during the Healing. For the first part of the visualisation, I imagined I was in Richmond in the meadows alongside the river. Then it changed to path in a field in Turville. When it got to the crystal part I couldn't for whatever reason visualise the circle of trees, so I jumped to the crystal. Mine was a large clear teardrop shaped crystal, with the point at the top. It was fluid so I could get in easily. I was tiny, a bit like in Alice in Wonderland where she drinks the various potions. There I stayed during the Healing, well aside from the moments where my mind wandered off. It was a really good experience. Aside from light pressure being put on my feet, shoulders and head, the rest of the Healing was done without touching me. Slightly surreal at times and I did take a couple of peeks to see what was going on.
At the end of the Healing, we had a debrief. Apparently my energy is warm and soft. She noted that I had been creative when I was younger and I should not ignore this as this sits firmly at my core and is something that nourishes me. More flute playing required then. My will is strong, so I will complete whatever I set my mind to, even if this is not a natural preference in terms of what I'm doing. Interesting. Overall my energy colour was thought to be orange but with some yellow. The best part was when I was asked to describe the type of circle and crystal that I had visualised. As I said I couldn't depict a circles but once I had visualised my crystal the circle of trees became clear and I saw a maze type of hedge, it was as if my crystal was in the centre of the maze. My crystal turned out to be the purest type but Ros couldn't help laughing about the maze hedges (yew hedges I believe), in that she felt I had made it a lot harder for myself than I had needed to. I could have just pictured a simple circle of trees with no boundaries and complexity. But oh no I had to go for the maze! I find these things fascinating and do believe that help. The aim of the session if for the healer to restore the balance of the chakra's and direct positive energy to me. I will definitely take some of that please! Feeling nourished and calm, I headed out for some lunch. Of course you know where I went.....I was in need of some juice, though I have to say if I'd have had more time I would have ventured down to Local hero deli in Parson's Green.
Photo no.303 - burrito lunch...amazing!
After lunch, I met Sonia for my mid review. The Haven sets up these reviews to see how you're getting on with the therapies being offered. I should have had it with Nadia but for whatever reason this was not to be. It was good meeting someone new and having a chat through things with them and get their thoughts from the various people they meet. I talked around the surgery debate and she didn't see anything wrong with what was being proposed and didn't exert a view that it was an outdated way to treat my disease or that surgery and recon together would be a better route. We decided that for my remaining credits (it's like being back at university), I would have another couple of Healing sessions as you feel the most benefit from this type of therapy if you have more than one.
The Haven is absolutely a haven. So I felt so refreshed having spent quite a few hours there. The sofa area is a great place to relax with a peppermint tea, though at some point it would be nice if the building work outside would stop! Apparently they've been working on it for 3 years, so it must nearly be finished!
I drove up to Daniel's office to drop the car off and then did something I extremely rarely do...hailed a joe le taxi! It felt so indulgent! My destination, JL Oxford St, though I got out by Claridges and walked from there as I have become so lazy, so time on my feet was needed! The aim of JL visit....to review the sunnies that DW had bought me for my birthday, as I thought the ones he had bought, as nice as they were, were potentially too large for my face! So here goes...
Photo no.304 - alternative #1
Photo no.305 - alternative #2...these are the same as the ones that DW bought me but in purple..perhaps still a bit big!
Photo no.306 - alternative #3...the same as #1 but in brown with polarised lenses.
I find it so hard choosing these type of things, so I pinged photos over to DW left, right and centre to get his view. In the end I had tried on about 5 pairs and decided that alternatives 1 and 3 were the best but I wasn't sure regarding colour, to took both so DW could help me decide! In the end the verdict was the brown ones, I hope you approve!
After sunglass gate, I then spent over half an hour on the phone to AXA. Someone from work had kindly called them to see what could be done about potentially going to the Marsden for a second opinion. Friday afternoon is often not the best time for these types of conversations, as people have left for the weekend etc. In end after I finally got the message across that I wasn't going to the Marsden on Monday they were going to look into any whether I could go and just pay any shortfall. After the phone call though I had an email from the lady at work saying that Axa would pay for a consultation...result! Now I just need to decide whether I still want to do it or not....so difficult! I also got to the bottom of the work policy situation. It turns out that the new scheme is also new to Axa, which means that not all consultants have signed up to. Apparently Miss P hasn't either but for the time being they are honouring this until next April. Phew but what happens in 2 years....I guess deal with this later.
After a much needed cup of tea, DW picked me up and we headed to Chiswick for birthday dinner #2 at La Trompette with two of my favourite ladies! A speedy change and head dress shift and we were good to go. I had been really looking forward to this as the menu looked awesome, I just hoped I wouldn't be disappointed. So here's what I had!
Photo no.307 - to begin...thinly sliced and grilled octopus with brandade beignets, fennel, cuttlefish, tarama and gremolata - nice but not amazing.
Photo no.308 - our wine of choice...unusual combo of grapes but it really worked.
Photo no.309 - Fillet of Cornish turbot with herb gnocchetti, grilled asparagus, girolles and parmesan - good but not mind glowingly good and as my dear friend Eoin Harty would say, the portion was a little small!
Photo no.310 - fromage! This is something I do regret not taking advantage of potentially one of the most amazing cheese boards I've seen...it took about 10 minutes for the waiter to explain it!
Photo no.311 - Rhubarb crumble soufflé with rhubarb ripple ice cream....this was pretty incredible....to go with it I had a glass of Portuguese Rose dessert wine, which was delicious.
So a good dinner, not amazing and potentially not a revisit considering the bill, as it was
£££ but a fab evening with DW and my favourite Chiswick dwellers! Love you ladies! Big thank you to my chauffeur. xxx
Saturday 21st June
Song of the day (LH): Hideaway - Kiesza
Song of the day (VW): Jamming - Bob Marley & the Wailers
It's the weekend so a lie in would be nice...of course that didn't happen. Whenever you crave this it doesn't happen, so instead I decided to get up and have a relaxing bath. Various bath oils/ salts in, check. Spa music, check. Listening to the boys next door run around...boo! There is always a period around 9-10 where there is a hive of neighbour active on a Saturday morning, enough to make you give up on a lie, and then after this time it all goes quiet. I would love it if this could shift to say 11-12....but hey I don't think I've got a say!
Instead we had a lovely lazy morning with breakfast outside, reading some magazines and enjoying the sunshine (Benedryl at the ready!). Some chore time was required so many washing loads/ some obligatory tidying etc and then we headed to the butcher to get the weekend meat!
Photo no.312 - beautiful flowers from two beautiful ladies complete with a birthday gift taking me to the open air opera in Chiswick. I can't wait! Thank you so much!!! xxx
Photo no.313 - a sign for a dating website...nope, that'll be my butcher's sign!
I have bored you with tears about how impressive I think this butcher is, so I won't bother today but all I'll say is check out Lewis of Sunningdale.
DW and I have been debating for a while whether we should get a second car. I've found our new car heavy to drive and simple things such as closing the boot really pull on my arms. Many of you will have known for ages that I've wanted a Fiat 500 convertible. My dream was fulfilled temporarily a few years ago in Sweden when we got one for a hire car but I've still longed for my own. With surgery coming up I won't be able to drive for a couple of weeks but given how I find the Giulietta to drive, I think this will delay this further. So on a sunny summer's day we decided to take a test drive and find out some options for the Fiat 500C!
Photo no.314 - DW's dream car...Barbie pink!
We discussed various options with Abb, who had sold the Giulietta to us back in January. We went away with different proposals to consider. We'll see.......fingers crossed! ; ))
Back home, it was blog time for me...it's a 7 day a week job at the moment! Time fly back and it was not long before we needed to drive to Hamilton HQ for a BBQ! Gourmet burgers, yep. Pork and apple sausages, yep. Boerewors, yep. Chicken skwers, yep. Good to go!!!
It was a brilliant evening in the Hamilton garden and another fantastic dinner outside, complete with many sneezes! Dan and Britta had joined us, which was great. DW had requested they bring Kubb, so we had a girls vs boys tournament. As Ces had to play left handed, Rob did the gentlemanly thing and also played with his left hand. Although I'm a leftie, I actually played with my right hand...petanque playing days coming in handy!!! It was so much fun and good to be playing with someone who knew the rules.
Photo no.315 - the Kubb court...play in action..complete with a boogie pose from Dan!
Photo no.316 - a different view of the Kubb court, complete with mini Stonehenge towers...one day we'll play together and it'll all become clear!
The boys won, 2 games to 1 with DW throwing the final baton in a rather blasé way. Next time the girls will be triumphant!!!
A wonderful summer's evening...thanks Mr & Mrs Hamilton for your amazing hospitality and Mr and Mrs Lawes for your company and Kubb! xxx
Sunday 22nd June
Song of the day (LH): OPP - Naughty By Nature
Song of the day (VW): Represent - Orishas
My song choice today, takes me back to my Friday nights about 10 years ago, I can't believe it was so long ago, when DW, Kim and I used to frequent a Cuban bar on Wardour Street, which served the best cocktails and had a pretty impressive cigar menu. I don't know why but I love the smell of cigars. The bar was great as above each table was an extractor fan, so you experienced the wonderful smell without having the smell sunken into your attire. Sadly, this place still exists but just isn't the same since the smoking ban. They always used to play this song and I absolutely love it. Happy Friday nights!
I woke up at 9am, disgruntled about the lack of a lie in once more but oh no what was this....after falling asleep once more it was midday! Woohoo! But also argh!!! I've got lots to do today.
It was too hot to eat breakfast on the terrace, as after midday it's the warmest sun trap, so breakfast inside today. We decided a walk along the Thames was required so parked in Remenham and strolled along the path into Henley. It was busy.....Henley Women's Regatta (Neil I will always think of you whenever I say regatta now!) was on. There was such a good atmosphere, with the tow path filled with supporters. In many ways it was so much nicer than the infamous Henley Men's Regatta that takes place at the beginning of July, as most people were there to support a team rather than a jug of Pimm's!
Photo no.317 - Coot-lings on the Thames!
Photo no.318 - go ladies!!!
Photo no.319 - a quintessential river shot...boats on the Thames. Wonderful.
Photo no.320 - new sunnies selfie!
Though hot, we had a great walk and it was fantastic to soak up the atmosphere of today's river life. It seems whenever we go there is always something different to see, whether it be a seasonal change or a championship race.
Back at home it was time to bake some banana bread for tomorrow's chemo session. We have promised Regina cake and cake is exactly what she's going to get! Debbie is baking a date and walnut cake and I've gone for a straight forward, no frills big on flavour banana bread. We'll see if either of them impress her tomorrow!!!
After baking, it was blog time for me but tonight I was allowed a glass of vinho. Thank you to the Smith's for this bottle. It was absolutely brilliant!
Photo no.321 - I blog, therefore I drink (and eat Kettle chips).
On medical grounds (increased iron consumption), sirloin steak was on tonight's dinner agenda. I made the Pitt Cue & Co rub, now a BBQ essential in our household.
Photo no.322 - the meat chef!
Photo no.323 - not bad....
Photo no.324 - a panzanella salad for accompaniment.
Photo no.325 - a happy DW with a good dinner & wine.
A great dinner. This steak is the absolute best. Hawksmoor/ Gaucho, this is steak.
After dinner we sat by the still warm BBQ and enjoyed the warm summer's evening. I even BBQ'd a peach for dessert, which was absolutely scrumptious.
Photo no.326 - happiness is tea lights.
What a week! Thankfully another good one filled with much love and laughter. Slightly more sneezing than is required thanks to the pollen count. Tomorrow is my last chemo session. I've got mixed feelings going into tomorrow. I hope that my blood count means that it can actually go ahead, as there's always that feeling of will it, won't it happen. After tomorrow we launch into a new post chemo era. Of course it's positive but it will be slightly weird coming out of our lives being controlled by a three week cycle. All for the better but some adjustment to be made. I'm still unsure what to do about gaining a second opinion for surgery. DW seems content to go ahead as planned so perhaps this is the right option. We'll see what the chat with Jane holds tomorrow morning. As always thanks to everyone who has shared my week with me, in particular, Ces who has been incredibly supportive and listened to many a surgery conversation. DW we enter a new chapter after tomorrow. Hurrah and it's only 4 weeks until we go to the seaside! Yay! Right time to sign off. After all a girl needs her pre chemo sleep! Much love. xxx
Orishas!
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