Monday 9th June
Song of the day (LH): Birthday - Katy Perry
Song of the day (VW): Be my baby - Vanessa Paradis
Happy birthday to me!
Woke up this morning feeling a whole heap better than over the weekend...thank you!!! The breathlessness had got better but the heart pounding still continued on/off. It's getting better, focus on iron consumption!
I took DW to the station, came back got ready and had a quick breakfast. It was then time for yoga and meditation with Davinder. This time is incredible. An hour of completely switching off to everything around you, all thoughts are washed away and replaced by observing your body and listening to each breath. It really works. Well, we're all different but I would recommend it.
I arrived home and realised I'd not opened any birthday cards. Normally I'd be at work or DW would be at home. Birthdays solo are not the same. I wasn't sure what to do. I didn't want to take everything up to Richmond with me then I felt I should open something.....so I made the call to open my cards....here's my favourite one!
Photo no.263 - what the cluck indeed!
Tonight was going to be my first night staying away from home since treatment began. Oh my what a lot of stuff I needed to pack for one night...headscarves, medication, wig etc...I'm pleased we're not going abroad for our holiday in July because I will need the boot space!
My next appointment was at the Haven for a nutrition session. I like to think that I eat pretty well, so this was more to understand what else I should be doing. It was a really interesting session but I think they're used to seeing people who are more friends with ready meals than scratch cooks. So the advice was pretty much keep doing what you're doing and just add a few more things in. Ok! I fessed up to drinking the occasional can of coke as a pick me up. Clearly, this isn't advised to be drunk but the nutritionist I met knew of quite a few cases where the same had been said.There is just something about that drink when you're feeling wiped out/ sick that just helps. The Haven also advise no alcohol through treatment. I can't say I've adhered to this 100% as my medical team have condoned a few glasses of wine here and there. Everything in moderation.
As a birthday gift to myself, I bought the Haven necklace. I had been admiring this for ages, it's designed by Alex Monroe and is a beautiful piece of jewellery. Plus some of the profits go to the Haven. Have a look here:
http://thehaven.org.uk/alex-monroe/
A birthday lunch for one at Whole Foods, including the infamous Tropical Greens juice! Mmn!
Then bam! Tiredness kicked in. I needed to drive to Richmond to check into the hotel we were staying in. Although not far from Fulham at that moment in time it felt like a real mission needing to drive there. A drive through Richmond park renewed my energy, seeing one of the magnificent stags took my breath away along with the stunningly clear view of the city.
After a grumpy few minutes trying to find the parking space, I finally checked into the hotel. Boy it was humid so the ac was put onto the max! I wanted to have some tea and cake on the terrace as the Bingham fronts onto the river. So after unpacking, I went down and enjoyed the following views.
Photo no.264 - tea with a view.
Photo no.265 - tea for one!
As many of you know, I'd probably have preferred to have spent my birthday with someone. But actually I had really enjoyed my solo day. Tea time on the terrace gave me a chance to unwind and enjoy the views of the river.
One of the highlights of the hotel was the spa bath, I've never had such a great bubble bath before!
Photo no.266 - bubbly bath!
Photo no.267 - trying to recreate the Kylie video from the late 1980s...and failing!
I took a few gifts up with me in the car to open when DW got to the hotel. Of course DW's gift was one of them! One of the most thoughtful gifts was from my aunt. It's a memory book for the next five years...the best way to explain it is as a twitter diary. There's literally 5 lines in an A6 size book to write it...snapshot memories! Much quicker than blogging!!! Thank you!
Photo no.268 - big sunnies...thanks DW!
I love lazing on a bed wrapped up in a towel, I'm not sure why but I find it so relaxing. So relaxing that I hadn't realised the time and needed to get ready in 10 mins for dinner!
Despite my thorough packing I had forgotten one key thing. Underneath my wig you are recommended to wear what looks like and essentially is, a pop sock! Bugg@r! What's a girl supposed to do on these occasions...improvise! Had it been winter I would have cut the end off a pair of tights but it wasn't. So what did I do...put the wig on without the pop sock and you know what it was so much comfier, so much so that I've now done without it permanently!
Dinner was at Gaucho in Richmond. We've wanted to go for ages, as it's on the river. What we hadn't expected was the monsoon downpour that we needed to walk through to get there. Thankfully it was only a 5 min walk. There is something nice about walking in that type of warm, fat rain, as long as you have a good umbrella and not far to go! I was still a little bit worried about the heart pounding so only had a glass or 2...plus ample water!
Photo no.269 - cheers! Malbec, yes please!
Photo no.270 - starter...this was disappointing. The fennel, spring onion and citrus salad was so spicy that I couldn't eat it and I normally can tolerate a good amount of heat...I think it was the combination with the citrus as even DW thought it was mind boggling hot!
Photo no.271 - iron....doctor's ordered! The smoked garlic hollandaise sauce was delicious.
Photo no.272 - happy birthday indeed! This was accompanied by a small glass of Argentinian Malbec but port style...fantastic!
A brilliant day. Thank you.xxx
Tuesday 10th June
Song of the day (LH): I still haven't found what I'm looking for - U2
Song of the day (VW): Layla - Derek & the Dominoes
Happy birthday Moira!
DW left for work, so I had a lazy morning getting ready and packing up the luggage!!! Lazy that was until I realised the time and needed to get to Petersham Nurseries to meet Kim!
Photo no.273 - nostalgic kettle...DW used to have this kettle in his studio flat.
Photo no.274 - not a bad view to start the day with...
I paced across the meadows from the hotel to Petersham Nurseries. Clearly joe le taxi would have been the better choice as by the time I arrived I was boiling! Still, there was time for a quick breakfast of apple cake...amazing!
Time for the course. We were doing an edible flowers course and it was really interesting. As we got there a bit late there was a limited seat selection available. I needed to sit in the shade, so ended up on a 'special' chair right at the front...I felt a bit of an idiot but still had a good view!
Photo no.275 - beautiful edible flowers
All of the following flowers are edible, just make sure they're clear of pesticides and dog wee!
Photo no.276 - McCartney rose - Lady Hamilton can be eaten as well.
Photo no.277 - a simply stunning cornflower
Photo no.278 - Mathiola in cana...our favourite
Photo no.279 - our tutor!
Photo no.280 - the wonderful Lucy Boyd
Photo no.281 - a fragrant salad
Photo no.282 - deep fried courgette flower - amazing with some lemon!
Photo no.283 - juicy tomatoes...the Marina ones were incredible (the ridged ones)
Photo no.284 - we loved this McCartney rose...
Photo no.285 - a rose beyond the Thames with a McCartney rose
After the course ended, Kim and I took the opportunity to amble around the nursery leisurely. It was such a beautiful day.
Photo no.286 - an old fashioned rose...stunning...not edible!!!! Well it might be but this was from wandering around the nursery.
Photo no.287 - dip dye poppy!
I was treated to lunch at the nursery and it was delicious. A visit is thoroughly recommended!
Photo no.288
After lunch, if there had been loungers available then I think we would have both taken the opportunity for a post lunch snooze. I really could have done with a nap but sadly this wasn't the case so we took a stroll into Richmond.
Photo no.289 - DW calls these cows the 'funny cows' as they're really hairy!
A gentle stroll around Richmond, getting a green juice and some ice cream from Danielli's made it the perfect afternoon. It was then time to head to Putney for the overdue wig wash. It's nice going into Chez Stephan's during the week as it's so quiet and the team are really relaxed. An chilled glass of water was bliss, while Benoit washed my wig. During the styling bit he pulled a little too hard and the wig came off into his hands...you just have to laugh especially as his face was a picture! It must be a horrible shock for him but it's so funny!
Time to meet DW for dinner....another first, pizza on the roof terrace of Made in Italy on the Kings Road. I've always wanted to do this and as we met up earlier and being a Tuesday we were able to get a table! By 8pm we had finished and so was I.....home time please!!!
What an amazing day! Thanks Kim for suggesting it and for lunch. Thankfully the heart pounding/ breathlessness had eased up and I just had the summer classic of hayfever...I can deal with that! A wonderful day spent with a lovely lady...plus not forgetting DW chauffeuring me home! A brilliant birthday. I am so very lucky.xxx
Wednesday 11th June
Song of the day (LH): Wild Wood - Paul Weller
Song of the day (VW): Club Tropicana - Wham
Woohoo best night's sleep since I was blasted with this round of chemo!
Time for a team day! I had debated whether to do the morning or afternoon sessions...in the end I decided to go for the morning session and see how I felt. Yep, you know what happened I stayed for the whole day! My chauffeur this morning was the delightful Rachel, a super smiley face to start the day! I was pleased I had got there for the morning session as it was good to hear the presentations and also a guest talk with Dhruv Baker to inspire...hopefully not too much as everyone would have handed their notice in after his talk on his passion and drive. Though I think we'll all be heading to his pub soon!
The afternoon sessions are traditionally handed over to the fun squad. I'm a member of this and had been involved in the initial planning meeting but had then had to duck out due to treatment. However, I was brought back into the herd to help with the afternoon, particularly the game of Kubb. Foolishly I had suggested this, as I had played it at Rob and Ces' garden party courtesy of Dan Lawes. It's a great game as there's no running involved so anyone can play and it can swing to another team's advantage in a split second...however only having played it once and then trying to teach it to Amy whilst the rest of the team were doing the other activity was challenging as I didn't know the rules well enough. We decided to keep it simple and not get into the more complex rule set...so on a sunny afternoon Amy and I demonstrated this game to 50 people...embarrassing to say the least as my throwing skills are poor...thankfully it worked out well. I only wish I had a pick to show you of the two pitches! Next time keep your mouth shut VW!
Post a game of Kubb, it was BBQ time. It was a wonderful afternoon in the meadow at Odney and lots of people stayed on for the BBQ. By 6pm I was done...literally needing to go home and sleep. My head was raging even though I had drunk copious amounts of liquid...probably my body just saying stop. Thankfully, I grabbed a lift home with Sarah and promptly retreated to the sofa and stayed there for a hour or so. As DW was going to be late back, I also had a relaxing bath. I felt rejuvenated but exhausted. A fab day!
Later that evening I found of vase of flowers on the doorstep from Regans...a wonderful birthday surprise. Thank you! I have been so bowled over by the love I have received recently, it really is touching and goes to show you human nature is generally positive. Sometimes hard to see when there are such travesties on the news. But when it really comes down to it, there is so much goodness in the world and I'm truly grateful.
My mind had started to wander ahead to Friday and planning what to ask Miss Predolac around surgery...losing my femininity etc...log it. Now sleep.
Thursday 12th June
Song of the day (LH): Let's hear it for the boys - Deniece Williams
Song of the day (VW): Being with you - Smokey Robinson
I woke up feeling tired but refreshed. I dropped DW at the station and then thought I'd have a bit of a snooze.....the next thing I knew it was 10.30...whoops! Get ready VW you've got important work to do today!
Today my job was to look after Ces, as she had had an operation on her arm...her dominant arm, which must be so frustrating. Arriving at Hamilton HQ, I took over from Orapin. We decided to treat ourselves for lunch and go to Stubbings - check out the link.
http://www.stubbingsnursery.co.uk/menus/main.asp?QTopMenu=Stubbings%20Nursery
It's such a beautiful place to go and the food was really good. Definitely somewhere to try!
My patient needed some rest after lunch, so we got home and while she slept, I caught up on some work. I could have done with a nap myself. Nap time was over for Ces, as Harrison arrived home! It was great to spend some time with him. Over the last few months, I've not seen him due to the bugs going around nursery, including chicken pox, so it was great to have some playtime with him. Mike and Celia then had fun and games with him as it was bath time shortly followed by taking him to stay at their house...something which didn't phase Harrison at all. Such a lovely family and always fun to spend time with them!
Dinner was easy to make, though we had some rice issues, as we had Celia's delicious chilli con carne! A quick cuppa after dinner and then it was bedtime for Ces. I felt bad leaving her as Rob was out but I knew I was only 5 mins away if she needed me back! So home I went and pretty much went to bed as well. A lovely, relaxed, sleep inducing day.
Friday 13th June
Song of the day (VW): Young hearts run free - Candi Staton
Song of the day (LH): Streetlife - Randy Crawford
Happy 50th birthday Helen!!!
Friday 13th...unlucky for some. We definitely felt that we were in the 'some' bracket today.
Today was the day for my initial appointment with Miss Predolac regarding my surgery options. So we spent the morning swotting up on the various different types of reconstructive surgery and the mastectomy itself. Although being at home with plenty of time on our hands somehow we left a bit later than planned, so it was rush to the hospital which was not helped by the roadwork traffic lights...grumpy VW popped out..sorry DW! Not that this really mattered as we ended up waiting 45 mins to see Miss P!
'How's it going being poisoned?' was Miss P's opening line...she's direct and I like it. Though for the rest of the meeting I was somewhat shellshocked as the advice we were being given brought back all the feelings of the appointments in February. The realisation that this is serious, really serious came flooding back. I guess going through chemo, you're so focussed on that part of the puzzle that you can forget to step back and look at the bigger picture. Perhaps, the feeling of being lured into a false sense of security for whatever reason. We felt like we had been hit by a train again. The advice was to do the mastectomy and removal of the lymph nodes now and then wait for 2 years, yep 2 years for reconstruction. 2 years...this was meant to be over this year. As the phrase goes...'It'll be over by Christmas'...perhaps like WW1 it won't be. The reason given was that as I'm due to have radiotherapy it would be better to do reconstruction after this and allow the tissue to heal. Also, the chance of recurrence is highest within the first two years post treatment...recurrence...what's that. Sorry I've not got rid of this thing yet this time round let alone think about recurrence....seriously. Also the words 'throwing the reconstruction in the bin' were used were felt unfriendly but I know it wasn't meant this way. Somewhat shellshocked we walked out of the consulting room. Jane asked how I was feeling...numb. Two things, one recurrence is scary, something that I had not really considered and nor did I want to as clearly I don't want it to happen and secondly...2 years! 2 years! She then mentioned a trip to the prosthetics department at some point...bam! This felt similar to when Jane mentioned a visit to the oncology department. Not good.
You might be thinking, well what did you hope for? Ideally we would have been discussing reconstruction at the same time as removal. I had an inkling this wasn't going to be offered as from previous conversations, I know Dr Davis had advised reconstruction post radiotherapy but I wasn't sure on timelines. So ideally one surgery but if not reconstruction before Christmas would have been good. Seemingly this is not to be.
We got in the car...I was teary to say the least. What should we do. Go to work. Keep calm and carry on. I dropped DW at Heathrow...I had to to joke that I was going to the danger zone knowing that I'm not going to step inside an airport terminal for a few months yet. I also said to him that I was going to look ridiculous...bald, one boobed and chubbier than when this journey began. He laughed...you have to. Otherwise this would drive you mad.
After dropping DW off...I drove to work..slightly blurred by tears. Am I going to die type thoughts coming back. Yes you are but hopefully not for a long time. Thoughts about how DW will cope came into mind...stuff that you just don't want to have to think about. I rarely say this. But it's shit. Yes, I had a choice about just going home to cry but as you know that's just not good for me. So I kept driving down the M4. Plus I knew a birthday cake had been baked for me and I daren't not go in.....
Walking from my car to the office I bumped into Juliette...she was in a rush so I held it together. Thanks JT your timing was brilliant as had I not seen you there would have been an ultimate tear fest in the office.
Going into the office was the right choice to be greeted by so many friendly faces. It was time for the grand unveiling of the cake......
Photo no.290 - 4 layer coffee & walnut by none other than the incredible Debbie Grierson!
Before the cake cutting it muted around a little round of happy birthday being sung...I dashed to the loo as a cake knife was still being sought. When I returned the whole office was there and happy birthday was sung to me led by the ever delightful Amy Lovell, whose idea it was...thank you! ; )
Before heading off for some Debbie time, Rachel caught me and asked if I was ok...I gave her a quick synopsis. As always she always emphasises the positives...thank you for being so amazing.
One bite into the most cake you've ever tried I was ordered to stop by Debbie as we needed to get a cup of tea...we did. I needed to download and have the best medicine a chat with Debbie. We discussed the pros and cons..pro being short surgery this year, con being one boobed for up to 2 years. Plus just having another surgery being dangled over me for 2 years. 2 years. And recurrence...what, what is that? I need to get over this first please. As ever I appreciate all the time this lovely lady gives to me, I'd be lost without her.
Back in the office I was greeted by a lovely bunch of flowers from Anna B! It was a great pick me up following the afternoon's discussions...that and another piece of cake! Oops!
Photo no.291 - beautiful flowers from the ever wonderful Anna Bones!xxx
Driving home, I felt horrible. Thoughts flooding my head left, right and centre, such as what should we do with our lives. Stop planning for the future, a future that may not exist and live for the moment and really do this with all aspects of our lives. Scared.I had planned for 2014 to be the year of treatment...not to be finished by 2016! DW was right though the medical treatment would be finished, it's just the cosmetic stuff, including my hair growth that needed to play catch up. I could feel myself coming through the change curve....slowly approaching acceptance/ resignation. To be honest, I wasn't so much upset about the lack of boob, more the fact that I wouldn't finish the treatment plan this year. Sigh. Ride the wave VW.
I popped into Waitrose on my way back to pick up stuff for dinner. It's strange how you slip easily into 'normal' mode, just getting on with life even though your heart might be breaking.
Photo no.292 - from two of my biggest supporters. xxx
Photo no.293 - ironically I had bought this the previous day....The only way is up...Yazz.
Stay strong V&DW....today was cr@p. Tomorrow is another day. xxx
Saturday 14th June
Song of the day (LH): He's the greatest dancer - Sister Sledge
Song of the day (VW): On & on - Erykah Badu
Even though I didn't get to sleep until around 2am I was wide awake before 9am, so frustratingly I decided to get up. Up and at them! We had a good morning a nice lazy breakfast, doing house chores, washing headscarves...domestic delights.
Photo no.294 - a birthday gift...a Swedish junior masterchef apron...for one an apron that fits! For the eagle eye of you...yes the Swedish word for a chef is kock. Enough said.
In the afternoon, we drove up to Bicester to see Ben and Emily. It's always such fun to see them. We met at Emily's parents house, which is in a delightful village called Launton, full of Oxfordshire charm and stunning architecture. On the agenda for this afternoon was for Ben to capture some snaps of me with different levels of headdress - bald, scarves and wigs. Before we kicked off it was time for tea! Though hayfever decided to kick in so had to get to Ben's studio pronto before I turned into a red eye, runny nose mess! Ben's an amazing photographer and I've got so much respect for him following his passion, here's a link to some of his work:
http://www.bensmithphotographs.co.uk
We'll see if I'm brave enough to share any of the photo shoot outputs with you......
A takeaway curry was the name of the game this evening. What's not to like?! We were all stuffed after dinner so took a walk through the village. It's so picturesque. As we approached the duck pond a female duck led her ducklings across the road to pond...unbelievably I didn't have my phone with me to capture the moment. Needless to say we all melted.
As with the evening before it was warm enough to sit outside, so we had a post walk tea in the garden and sat out until the stars appeared. A fantastic afternoon with two of the very best people!
Sunday 15th June
Song of the day (LH): Greatest Day - Take That
Song of the day (VW): Daddy Cool - Boney M
Happy Father's Day!
Race for life day! It had finally arrived! Here we go!
We drove to Egham to pick up the train to Richmond, yep train. Normally we'd drive but Richmond can be unpredictable for parking and also the M4 has got major weekend roadworks, so the train seemed a good option. Getting a ticket at Egham station proved stressful as there was only one booth open and heaven knows what they were asking for but the queue didn't seem to move! Thankfully we got tickets in the nick of time and jumped on the train!
So part of Team V assembled! Hurrah! I also got to finally meet Ella Grierson who I've heard so much about. I was extremely touched when she gave me a loom band bracelet that she had made, in team colours of course!
Coming out of Richmond station, we met the rest of the team at the render vows spot! Most people were accounted for, apart from poor Amy who had gone to a different Richmond park! Bless her! So the rest of us headed to the Old Deer Park to assemble for the race and find a picnic spot.
There wasn't too long once we had donned our Team V t-shirts, designed by Sophie Ashton, before we headed to do the warm up. This really energised me and made me rescind my earlier decision about walking...I was going to give running a go!
Photo no.295 - Team V - Waitrose & JL peeps plus Olivia (she has kicked cancer's butt as her back plate said!), Imogen, Ella and Annabel!
Photo no.296 - start line selfie with the 'elite runners'!
I joined the start line with the runners...mmn maybe this hadn't been such a good idea! Oh well see what happens. Just before the 1km marker my calves were screaming for me to stop, so reluctantly that's what I did. I said for Juliette and Rebecca to keep running as I would no doubt meet up with a fellow Team V member along the way. The next part of Team V I met up with was Amy and Anna. Amy was all ready to stop running and walk with me but no chance...run Amy!!! Up next was Kerry who became my buddy for the rest of the race...we walked and ran which seemed the best combo! Kerry was an awesome race for life running mate and it was great to have a natter around the course. Naturally we ran to the finish line! There is such an amazing atmosphere at these events and it makes all the difference with people cheering you on around the course. The way this course was structured also meant that at times you were running in a different direction to team mates along different stages so many high fives were had, which kept spurring us on!
Photo no.297 - my running buddy - we did it in 38 mins!
Photo no.298 - the magic moment...my Mum finishing the course!
A big thank you has to go out to Andrea who kept my Mum company around the whole course!
After we had accounted that everyone was back, we headed for a team picnic. Walking over to the picnic area DW came and congratulated me and said did I come in after my mum as he had't seen me come through...no I blimin hadn't, I was 20 mins faster!!! Still it was sweet as he was worried that I had vanished somewhere, nice to know he cares! It was fantastic seeing all the children playing together and makes me think we should do more picnics...though I'm not getting in any water fights with Austin Homer!!! It wasn't the warmest day, which had it merits for running and less risk of sun burn but it meant that around 4pm people started to head home. A massive hug from Debbie made my afternoon, plus some of her leftover flapjack with a cuppa!
Felicity and Neil had come along to support as well, which was lovely so we headed into Richmond with them to get the much needed cup of tea! Then Sarah MacG also came and met us with a friend from Libya. His perspective was fascinating and it really does drive a lot of things home about what's important and what's not.
We arrived home around 7pm and we were both shattered....of course I knew I had one last task to do...there's no get out of jail for a Sunday dinner! To make life easier, I opted for Sichuan prawns, technically classified as a weekday meal but add in a glass of wine and I think it makes a weekend cut!
Photo no. 299 - Sichuan prawns with vermicelli rice noodles and some sugar snap peas for a bit of green!
This was the first try of the vermicelli rice noodles and I would definitely use them again.
Wow what a day! I am truly bowled over and humbled by the support for this day and every day but particularly this day! When I registered back in April I had no idea that it would be such an incredible day. Thanks to everyone who took the time to take part, support us, fundraise and who has sponsored us! As I'm writing at the total we've raised stands at £2,885...lets try and hit the £3,000 mark! For anyone who would like to sponsor Team V here's the link:
https://www.justgiving.com/team-v-waitrose/
Days like today make you so grateful for so many things, in particular loved ones. I will never forget today, it was amazing. All my love to everyone involved and here's to next year's race!!! Let's get training! ; )) xxx
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