Hello Wonderland! It's been a while. The last few weeks have proved the hardest so far, hence the radio silence but with less than 2 weeks until surgery, it's time for a well overdue update. I hate to say this but I've not felt like writing. I still don't to some extent but have an ever enduring drive to ensure my story is logged so here goes.....
Monday 7th July
Song of the day (LH): The climb - Miley Cyrus
Song of the day (VW): Waking up - Elastica
Despite the cold/ cough, I had had a feeling the night before that the final chemo session might actually happen this time. I didn't say this aloud to anyone as I hoped it could go ahead and didn't want to jinx anything. Sleeping wise I had been awake on/off all night. Partly thinking about what might be...
This time it was a low key chemo party with just me and my mum. I think she was pleased to come to a chemo session....so would it go ahead or not?! We got settled into room 142 and Regina came fairly quickly to take the blood, which would be the decider. We sang some gospel together and had some chats around her thoughts on christianity and faith. I find these conversations fascinating as everyone has strong views on religion, whether they believe in any form of god and how it should and shouldn't be practised. It's sadly one of the major instigators of war, even if it's used as an excuse hiding the real reason.
Today things seemed to happen fairly speedily and she came back with a smile to say Dr Davis was happy for the treatment to go ahead. It was then my call if I felt up to it. I wasn't feeling tip top as I was still coughing and blowing my nose but heck lets just get this thing done!!! I have to say there was a small part of me saying wait a few days to feel better so that I would go into this round fighting fit but the larger part of me just wanted to get it over and done with.
So after the decision a few calls were made to some of the chemo team who were local to see if they could join us. A while later Debbie and Ces came and the party could start...but wait we didn't have any baked goods or party drinks!!! As it was pretty much lunchtime my Mum offered to walk into Windsor to go to the infamous Jungs. So orders were taken and off she went, iPhone sat nav in hand...would she make it back?!!! During this the last docetaxel was gradually being dripped into me. It takes around an hour. My mum left shortly after the drip had started so when it was 75% done we started to get a bit worried about her as the deli is only a 15 minute walk away maximum...so we put out an SOS call and it turns out she had got a bit lost on the way back. Ces popped out of the room and the final bleep went on the machine. It felt apt that it was just Debbie and I in the room at this moment, as she's been there from the very first conversation of going to the GP.
Finally lunch arrived at the perfect time, when the all of the drips had been taken away. It was also the perfect time as we were all starving and desperate to eat!!! The sandwiches were delicious but so huge that I couldn't manage the gigantic doughnut that had come with them! Probably best for the waistline!
After lunch we waited for what seemed like eternity for the bag from the pharmacy to be brought up! It turns out that it had come up earlier but Regina had waited for us to have our party! Good job we waited as just as were leaving the room one of the porter's came into the room with a congratulations balloon tied to a box of chocolates! From the chemo team....now was this Regina and the team at PMH or the work of Kim and co?!! Regina denied all knowledge but looked pretty shifty...mmn! Detective V on the case...it turns out it was from Kim, Ces (poker face!) and Eoin! A brilliant surprise. Thank you all so much!
Photo no.380 - the lovely ladies that have got me through the 6 sessions (Jill on the left, Regina on the right). Thank you so much!
I felt a bit worn out and was coughing quite a bit for the rest of the day. But it was finally done. Hurrah!!!
Tuesday 8th July
Song of the day (LH): Kokomo - The Beach Boys
Song of the day (VW): Ghetto in paradise - Guts
It was a late bedtime the night before, as my temperature decided to dip below 36 degrees for the first time. 35.9 wasn't a number we wanted to see just as we were going to bed. But hey just roll with it. DW was an angel making me drink tea and wrapping me up in a duvet even though I felt as if I was going to explode temperature wise. Thankfully after a while it settled back into the safe zone, so sleep could be had.
Photo no.381 - day 2: early morning cocktail...antibiotics, steroids, fluconazole and anti nausea tablet!
The morning was spent resting with DW on the sofa. This is the best type of rest. As always with a day 2, I was actually feeling pretty good. Fingers crossed for this to continue!
In the afternoon, my mum drove me over to PMH for my last neulasta jab! We were truly honoured to be taken into Regina's office for this and a good lengthy chat! As you know I bought Regina some ginger wine as an end of chemo present but had held off giving it until it actually happened! Unbeknown to me, my mum had called Regina while she was away to check on me. So the previous day my mum had given Regina a bottle of ginger wine....grrr!!! So I turned up with my original thank you bottle of ginger wine plus some pink bubbly! Regina which would you like.....of course you know what happened she took the ginger wine and the pink bubbles were given to the whole team! They've been amazing so it was a tiny gesture of thanks from me.
We popped into town on the way back to pick up a few things. On the way to the town hall to try and get an advantage card...I will get one at some point I heard a massive crash. My mum had fallen over....heals and speedy walking not a good combo! Luckily she was fine but it caused a bit of commotion!!!
The rest of the day was spent resting, I'm getting well practised at this. My cough seemed to be getting worse, which wasn't fun. I was also enjoying lots of cold sweats, most likely to be menopausal hot flushes, great! Still another day done.
Wednesday 9th July
Song of the day (LH): Cry to me - Solomon Burke
8 hours of sleep! Hurrah! DW spent the morning with me again, which was brilliant. My afternoon was planned to spend with Rachel and Maddie. We had lunch together and then went for a short walk to 'try' to get the little lady to sleep. I felt wiped by this stage. As much as I love her, Maddie wasn't so restful to hang out with as she had been for my first chemo round when she was a few weeks old. So I decided to head home and dial up mummy daycare for her to come over. Writing this a few weeks later, it's strange to have the need to have someone here all the time during a week one. But when I'm in a week one, it feels extremely volatile not knowing what's going to happen. Of course the hope is that nothing happens but.........So my lovely mummy came over and pottered around the house and did some jobs while I was a lazy mouse and rested. Resting is pretty much all I did for the rest of the day as the achiness had kicked in, coupled with lots of coughing, cold sweats and talking becoming an effort. Not the best day but another step forward. Keep going VW!
Thursday 10th July
Song of the day (VW): Green garden - Laura Mvula
Song of the day (LH): You make me feel brand new - Simply Red
Happy birthday Maggie!
I woke up having had the best night's sleep in a week. DW had gone to work at the normal time so daddy daycare had come over. I was asleep for most of his shift but he kept himself busy with sorting out the jungle of our front garden. Thank you! The achiness had really set in my back, chest (from coughing) and my knees. To be honest I felt super crappy. I've been so determined to remain positive but these days were really challenging that spirit. The drive to keep going was there but I just felt distant from myself and in one word lousy.
Photo no.382 - sofa time...my home for the week.
Emily took over daycare duty and made a me a stunning salad for lunch. It was all I could do to sit at the table for a short time to eat this. She even cooked, yep, cooked in my kitchen without me interfering. This is probably the best measure for you to know how pants I was feeling. Thanks for looking after me.xxx
Photo no.383 - a delightful chicken salad!
Most of today was spent on the sofa or in bed. It seemed I just couldn't really get comfortable with the different parts of my body aching away. DW was amazing, coming home to cook dinner after he'd been out all day. I feel that cooking is my job, so it upset me that I couldn't even face doing something that I usually love. It's ok to have wobble. I know. But I was crossing my fingers that tomorrow would be a much better day.
Friday 11th July
Song of the day (LH): Rude - Magic
Song of the day (VW): Time to say goodbye - Bocelli & Brightman
What happened today. Oh that's right. The whole day on the sofa. Getting up was difficult this morning. I eventually hauled myself out just after 10. Today was Rachel daycare and she was amazing. We had a croaky chat on the sofa and then she headed downstairs to work, while I watched many a movie. Kim had recommended Julie and Julia to me a while ago so I watched this. It's such a lovely movie, albeit I did find Meryl Streep's accent somewhat grating but if you're a cooking enthusiast then this is a film for you. Or if you're not it's still a wonderfully relaxing movie to watch.
I came downstairs for a spot of lunch, lovingly prepared by Rachel and happily ate the fab quiche and salad. My head was feeling quite foggy, perhaps from an extra day of steroids that I had taken (still one less than prescribed), the aching was in full swing across my body and cough, cough, cough! The worst bit was lack of energy. Something I've not really suffered from on previous rounds and generally I find my energy levels affect my mood. High energy, shining happy VW. Low energy, low mood levels. So tricky business. I kept mentally slapping my face in an effort of trying to force myself into positivity mode once more and to hopefully gain some energy. Today was not the day.
Photo no.384 - more sofa time.
My after lunch movie was Monsters University. For those of you who loved Monsters Inc, this is definitely worth a watch and even made me smile a few times. Very welcome! Rachel stayed until Daniel returned home from work. Thanks so much.xxx
I realised at this stage that I hadn't left the house or even strayed into the garden. So I decided I would accompany DW to pick up the Indian takeaway, which took more effort than predicted. My feet were getting painful to walk on and feeling slightly numb. Awesome! Thankfully it was ready when we arrived so no lengthy wait for dinner! The one good thing is that I haven't lost my appetite throughout the chemo experience but I must admit that evening I was eating rather savouring what was on the plate in front of me.
Today was definitely a how the hell did we end up here day? DW and I definitely reflect each other's energy and so when I'm this low I know it has an affect on him. There's little he or anyone can do, as unfortunately it was a case of riding the wave but I can imagine it must be so hard being the observer.
Still day 5 done. Please let tomorrow be better. Please, please, please!
Saturday 12th July
Song of the day (LH): Could it be magic - Barry Manilow
Song of the day (VW): We close our eyes - Go West
Happy birthday Sarah!
The croaks from yesterday had diminished into nothing...yep, I lost my voice! This has never happen to me before and I found it so frustrating as even whispering was taking a lot of effort. I was still feeling terrible. Another sofa day. It's hard having sofa days when it's sunny outside as you feel that you should be outside but don't feel like it. All you want to do is snuggle up in a blanket but it's too hot to do that. Catch 22.
Today was crack day....yep, I cracked and had 2 big teary releases. One in the morning and one watching DW cooking dinner. I hate saying this but I felt sorry for myself. It had finally happened. The feeling of frustration that I so wanted to feel better and at the same time felt so lousy I didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't talk to anyone as I didn't have a voice. It felt isolating even though I knew DW was at home.
So movie time again...Priceless, a French film with Audrey Tatou, some brain cells used reading the subtitles and The Kids are all right. I realised that fatigue had set in so better to embrace it. The coughing was driving me and no doubt DW and all others in close proximity absolutely crazy. Thankfully the aching had got a lot better and I managed to eat dinner (fajitas cooked by DW) without being propped up with my old lady cushion. My feet however, were hurting like hell, it was that feeling of them about to go into cramp constantly. Nice!
I was also completely gutted as we were meant to be spending the evening on the river at Henley festival with the Hamiltons watching The Jacksons. It wasn't to be. DW was originally meant to be in Brussels celebrating his cousin's 50th birthday but thankfully stayed with me due to it being a week 1. Margareta we will be over later this year to have a belated celebration with you! Then the aim was to make Henley Festival but this didn't happen. Next year!
Mentally as you tell this is probably the lowest I've felt on the journey so far. By bedtime, with the achiness subsiding I had begun to feel more optimistic. So fingers crossed for a better day tomorrow for both of us, as it wasn't fun for DW needing to be home all weekend.
Sunday 13th July
Song of the day (VW): I wish I knew how it would feel to be free - Nina Simone
Song of the day (LH): Reach for the stars - SClub7
The lyrics of my song choice felt particularly apt for the way I had been feeling. 3 sofa days done...what would today hold??? Well, it turned out to be another sofa 'day of fun'. Again I barely went outside, as my energy levels were low. At this point I have to say how eternally grateful I am to have such a fantastic support network around me. To be on your own must be so hard, so I will be forever thankful to everyone who has helped us on this journey. Positive of the day was no aching! Yay! Today was mainly about coughing and feeling spaced out. Lethargy had probably set in.
Some more tears of frustration and sadness were shed today. My voice had still decided to disappear so communication was difficult. DW calmly spent the day doing stuff around the house. Later in the afternoon I heard the doorbell ring but couldn't hear who it was. Our house is on a fairly busy road, so with the window open and the TV volume at a level to compete with the traffic it's virtually impossible to hear what's going on. It turns out it was the ever amazing Ces and Rob with a support package of some magazines and flowers. A genuinely lovely surprise and it melted my heart.
As with Emily cooking in the kitchen on Thursday, today was going to be another debut. DW cooking the Sunday night supper. We decided on comfort food, so a baked sausage parcel with romano peppers it was! I must have been feeling better, as I decided to help out with the chopping of the onions and peppers. That and I wanted to eat before 9pm! DW is a great cook, particularly of meat, but not the fastest, so when chopping is involved it's best to help out. So it turned into a team affair!
Photo no.385 - a baked sausage parcel.
Photo no.386 - on the plate!
It was a silent supper with my lack of voice but a good one nonetheless.
Well week 18, you've not been my favourite it has to be said. At least you're done and so is the chemo! When people found out that chemo had gone ahead, everyone said it was time to celebrate, which it was. For me, chemo would be finished once I felt better and the drugs had vacated my system, after doing their very important job. So still not quite a time for celebration. I truly want to thank everyone for either spending time with me, doing things to bring a smile on my face and most of all to DW for persisting with this challenging week. We did it. Hopefully not to be repeated. Week 18 done!
Monday 30th June
Song of the day (LH): In my life - The Beatles
Song of the day (VW): My love - Route 94
Third time lucky? We'll see.
DW woke me up as he was leaving. He normally leaves me to sleep but I guess on a chemo day it's different. You never know what may happen. But then again this is the same for all of us. Anyway it was a nice way to be woken up.
I got ready leisurely and waited for Kim's taxis to arrive. It's always so lovely to see Kim's smiling face. She is potentially the cheeriest person I know, she can brighten up any day. We loaded the car up, including Little Miss S, and went to pick up Ces so that our team was complete!
Regina seemed a little quiet today when we got there. Perhaps excesses of the weekend?! I had run out of emla cream so was going to be 'brave' and let Regina do it without but she pulled out some emla and said lets wait a bit. So we all chatted while the cream did it's magic in room 142. I was feeling a bit tired as I hadn't had the best sleep but was willing my white cells to have improved and hit the right number. Cream off. Time for blood to be taken...what now, the port was not behaving itself. Regina wiggled it (just a little bit) and thankfully it decided to play...now the real waiting game. Please, please, give us the 'right' result....
After what felt like an endless wait, Regina walked in shaking her head. Before she said anything she handed over a mobile phone. It was Dr Davis on the end of the line. End of the line. Funny how the generation growing up now won't even really realise where this phrase came from, a bit like other historical phrases that are used but often the origins aren't so obvious....'Cold enough to freeze the balls of a brass monkey' for example. Anyway back to the phone call...Dr Davis apologised that she couldn't authorise treatment going ahead. Whereas the previous week I had been told I had been 0.1 off it now seemed that my total white cell count had to hit around 3.0 for treatment to go ahead. Sigh. Progress had been made in that all my cell counts had increased from the previous week. White cells were up to 2.49 from 2.30 but that meant I need 0.51 increase to hit the magic 3.0...is this even possible in a week? The answer was that it absolutely is possible, it just depends on how quickly my body can repair itself. So guess what the order of the day was...yep, you've got it - rest, rest and more rest!
I've lost the frustration feeling really. Being out of my control, rest aside, means that I can't affect the decision so the best plan is just to roll with it. Interestingly Dr Davis mentioned that depending on next week's cell count, round 6 might be abandoned altogether. I'm not exactly certain on the reasoning behind this, so will need to ask more questions next week, but I feel torn on this. Part of me is extremely happy to not have to do another round. But the achiever part of me feels like 6 rounds were set, so 6 should be achieved. Mmn....lets see what next week brings.
So another abandoned session...sigh, especially as Kim had taken another day's leave to be with me and Ces had given up her resting/lounger sessions. Grrr. We left it that I might go in on Friday to have a check on my bloods to see if Monday would even be a potential goer or not. Right...what's the plan. Lunch at the famous German deli that's what....though I felt bad turning down Debbie's offer of freshly baked scones, particularly after speaking to her yesterday and she mentioned that she was on a fast day....whoops!
Photo no.364 - bratwurst und sauerkraut - not the most attractive of pics! ; )
We had a lovely lunch and completed it with some tea and kuchen...Ces' doughnut was incredible. A great place for lunch whenever you're next in Windsor.
After lunch we headed back to the hospital to pick up the car. We walked through some beautiful backstreets that felt like you could be in London. Absolutely stunning. A positive about being currently on rest duty is that Wimbledon is on. So Kim and I returned home to tune into the Murray match. 'Tiger' Tim Henman was in the commentary box next to McEnroe...how on earth did Tim Henman get that nickname...he never really did seem to have the eye of the tiger but he did have the heart of the nation every summer for about 6 years. Kim left when the roof was needed to put over centre court, so I settled down for a nap. Bliss. I find having the tennis on in the background really soothing. White noise.
DW came home and wasn't feeling great. He wasn't sure if had a cold or hayfever...please let it be hayfever. I would have thought if it was a cold I would have it by now...we'll see. So we had a really restful and relaxing evening, watching a lot of TV.
A really good amount of resting I feel. It seems like we're currently stuck in limbo at the moment. Having progressed through the other chemo rounds nicely, it now feels like someone's hit the pause button and they're not willing to press it again for a while. I know I've been lucky with my reactions to previous rounds so perhaps I should just shut the hell up and enjoy being told not to do anything for a couple of weeks...a rare event. But you know me it feels like a bit of a rut, one that I want to get out of pronto. Right, best get to sleep for some proper rest.
Tuesday 1st July
Song of the day (VW): You've got a friend - Carole King
Song of the day (LH): These dreams - Heart
Song of the day (EH): 9 to 5 - Dolly Parton
My Carole King choice, as many of you will know is from the incredible album Tapestry. I was completely obsessed with this in my late teens. The whole album is seamlessly amazing. Give it a try if you haven't already.
So a day of rest you say. Ok, lazy solo breakfast check. Emily had planned to come over to originally take me to my MRI/CT then to potentially look after me post chemo but in the end it was just for some proper catch up time and I suspect to keep a watchful eye on my resting levels. ; )
As a treat she made me a healthy salad that was good for boosting immunity. The ingredients sound simple and potentially slightly bland but it was absolutely delicious...chicken, fennel, grapefruit, watercress, spinach, rocket with a balsamic dressing.
Photo no.365 - a lovely light lunch...courtesy of Emily Wright. It tasted as beautiful as it looks.
A post lunch stroll was permitted in my resting schedule so we pottered into Maidenhead with the Thai supermarket being a highlight of our very glamorous trip. ; ) Emily was delighted to find a green papaya and invested in some dried brown shrimps...I hope they tasted better than they smelt!!!
I was then left to have some proper nap time. Tennis on in the background to zone out. What a minute it actually was an awesome match...Nadal vs Krygios. So nap out of the window but definite resting happened on the sofa.
Earlier that day I had spoke to Jane and we briefly discussed the point that Dr Davis had muted around abandoning round 6. I have such mixed feelings about this. 6 sessions were set so I want to complete the course, no bailing out. Plus if, and I really hope this is not the case, but if anything came back in the future then I'd wonder if the abandoned round 6 had any impact on the situation. There again it would be nice to not do another round but nice isn't part of this process. We'll see. Though I'm pretty annoyed chemo has gone into another month. June should have seen it finished! Ride the wave VW nothing you can do but rest, rest, rest!
Inspired by the salad from lunch, I fancied something equally light and delicious for dinner. So I bastardised Jamie O's 15 minute meal chicken tikka salad, substituting the chicken for smoked mackerel (a super food!) and the lentils for giant cous cous. I really loved the giant cous cous, in fact I prefer it to its standard size sibling. It was a lovely evening but the pollen was out in the force. DW was really suffering and looking completely shattered. He wasn't sure if it was just hayfever but the pollen count was so high that it had to be....if he had a cold then I would have it by now, wouldn't I?
Debbie and I had a good catch up as we hadn't had a good debrief following yesterday's abandoned attempt. It's so great to have her as a sense check on the situation. Plus it gave us a chance for us to chat about her day of fun for the next day including dinner at Gymkhana...the menu looks incredible so once I'm back up to speed I plan to head there!!!
There had been much hype around Dolly Parton's Glastonbury debut, so I thought I should check it out. I have to say I loved it. It's almost like she's a machine, well I guess after so many live shows you become pretty good. I might just have to add her to the list of people to see!
Wednesday 2nd July
Song of the day (LH): Under the sun - Cheryl Cole
Song of the day (EH): Ghostwriter - RJD2
DW had a restless night, so decided to stay at home. He really didn't look well but I still thought it was acute hayfever. He slept and stayed indoors to avoid the evil pollen getting to him.
I relaxed on the lounger in the shade for most of the morning. I know it's a tough life! ; )
Photo no.366 - lounger view
After baking some banana bread and eating lunch, I was given permission to go for a stroll with Rachel. We walked along the Thames to Ray Mill Island, affectionately now dubbed Guinea Pig Island. For some reason there are guinea pigs here, really bizarre as I can't see any reason for this. It was hot, so we took the opportunity for an ice cream!
Photo no.367 - gelato, yes please!
I loved Rachel's flake technique...flip it into the cone so rather being left with a dry cone you actually get some chocolate at the end, a bit like a cornetto.
Photo no.368 - this boat filled the whole lock...it came complete with a hot tub on top!
Photo no.369 - one of my favourite riffs of all time...
DW had requested pasta for dinner. I wanted something light as it was so hot so we settled on roasted pepper and tomato king prawn pasta. It's a great dinner if you want to do other stuff while it's cooking or in my case relax and watch the tennis!
Photo no.370 - dinner!
As DW had been inside all day, we decided to take a walk along the river after dinner. It had cooled down a lot so it was the perfect temperature for an evening walk.
Photo no.371 - beautiful sunset...red sky at night...
My hayfever decided to kick in as well, brilliant! Chemo helps with this as some of the anti nausea meds work like an anti-histamine so another reason why it would have been good to go ahead!
Had I done too much today? Who knows? I felt fine but the punishment always comes the next day. Fingers crossed.
Thursday 3rd July
Song of the day (LH): Hot in herre - Nelly
Song of the day (VW): Everybody loves the sunshine - Takuya Kuroda
Why oh why did I book a 10am GP appointment? I have all day so could have booked an afternoon session...d'oh!!! Any once up, you're up so I got ready to see my favourite GP, the ever delightful Dr Ford. Thankfully he was running on time as I had a 10.30 date with one of my oldest friends, Vicki Spill (now Clark). Forever she will be a Spill to me and I guess for some people I will remain being a McF! As DW had taken the car, my chauffeur was ready and waiting for me when I got back from the GP. We have tried several times to meet up but seem to be scuppered by my ever changing appointments, so this was a positive of chemo delay so that we could have a proper catch up.
We went up to Stubbings and had some great cake, coffee and big old chinwag! Absolutely lovely.
Vicki then dropped me at Ces' as she had asked if I fancied popping in. What a good call it was! A couple of hours on the lounger with chilled chat and this beautiful view....
Photo no.372 - Hamilton HQ!
Time to leave for Ces to have a nap and for me to nap too....joe le taxi called and I was promptly home. Time to relax on another lounger with not so great a view!
My final appointment of the day was with the ever delightful Lisa Bhatt! With her she brought an immunity pack for me...some green tea, almonds and ginseng...all good immunity boosters! Thanks so much!
I'm not a fan of green tea but this one is wonderful. There's no green tea bitterness and it has a really delicate flavour. A must for anyone who normally isn't a fan of green tea.
Photo no.373 - The East India Tea company
We had a great catch up and discussed our next shopping session...a trip to Nicola Jane in Clerkenwell for mastectomy bras! Oh yeah, better to suck it up now and be prepared, as with the wig than freak out post surgery. Baden-Powell was a wise man...be prepared.
The salad theme continued tonight for dinner with Bill Granger's Spicy Squid salad with cucumber and capers... no pic available but it was good...it would have been even better if I had remembered to put the squid in the garlic and chilli marinade...oops!
One of the sounds from my childhood is that of my dad filling a watering can on summer's evenings when I was trying to go to sleep. I find it a really calming sound and every time I fill a watering can it comes flooding back to me. It's great how sounds and smells can catapult you to a distinct memory. For this reason I find after dinner watering really therapeutic.
After my dinner my hayfever went to a different level, hopefully not due to the garden watering I hope...my nose became red and sore from the countless times I had to blow it or catch a drip (nice I know!!!). Dear Mr Pollen, please die down. Yours sincerely, VW's red nose.
Friday 4th July
Song of the day (LH): Grenade - Bruno Mars
Song of the day (EH): Retreat! Sharon Jones & The Dap-Kings
Argh! It wasn't the pollen's fault, it's a cold. Boo! I had had a terrible night's sleep with a bunged up nose and the itchiest throat. My sinuses were blocked which meant I looked like I had been crying. Not the best look VW!
I was gutted. Having spent the week resting as much as possible, which is tricky for me, a curveball had hit me. It's not DW's fault. He's exhausted so it's no surprise that it transpired into a cold but seriously give me a blimin break!
I spent the morning on the sofa, feeling it has to be said pretty sorry for myself. A rare thing and indulgent...a few episodes of New Girl later I decided to kick myself up the ass and finally do something.
We've lived in the Royal Borough for over 2 years now, much to DW's dislike ; ). One of the so called perks is a card that gives you cheaper parking and free entry to Windsor castle. I've been meaning to get one for ages but never seem to get round to this. I put this on my to do list for the week so I decided this was a task that I could face into.
I walked into the town hall and met this sign....
Photo no.374 - you can't be serious!
Unbelievable! Oh well another time. Being out and about I decided to take a trip to the Italian supermarket. I've been craving some lambrusco...no. not the sweet 80s version but the secco version which is a perfect summer's evening drink. I've looked in a few places with no luck but the Italian supermarket delivered the good. Success!
I headed home starting to feel as if I was burning up. Temperature check time...37.8 degrees...uh oh not so good. Wig off, paracetamol swallowed. Please start going down. Physical symptoms aside, luckily I didn't have a foggy cold head. I had called Jane earlier that day to mention that I had a cold to see what she thought for Monday. She hadn't picked up so I sent a message but hadn't heard from her. Several attempts later in the afternoon and still no joy. Then the phone rang and it was Regina. As much as I love her it's difficult to sometimes understand what she's saying, particularly over the phone. I got told off for not going in that day to be checked out but aside from that I was told to take it easy over the weekend, what's new (!) and go in on Monday. Yes boss! Temperature aside I wasn't feeling too worried so I was fairly content with the advice.
I had a prescription for antibiotics that I had yet to cash in so when DW arrived back home, we went to pick this up and grab some dinner. For whatever reason there was something inside telling me to go and get these. As it turns out I was pleased I had. We had a lazy pizza dinner and then both hit the sofa, feeling a bit sorry for ourselves. As the evening progressed I could feel the cold moving into my chest. Mmn...not feeling so content about this. At 10pm, I decided to call in some medical help so texted Ces and Eoin to see if either of them was still up. Thankfully they both called and concluded the same thing that it wouldn't be a bad thing to start the antibiotics. A big heartfelt thanks to both of you. Knowing that you're both at the end of the phone at these times is the greatest reassurance I can have.
So antibiotics time, again! My temperature was still playing havoc and was being controlled by paracetamol so I suspected I wasn't going to have the most restful night. I must say this one of the few times where the unfair word kicked into play for me. Why oh why. I had got so close to potentially trying for chemo on the following Monday and this had kicked in. Additionally I really wasn't feeling great. Bugg@r! Pants...please let me get through the night without too much trouble.
Saturday 5th July
Song of the day (LH): Boogie 2nite - Booty Luv (Seamus Haji Big Love remix)
Song of the day (EH): Around the world - Daft Punk
As predicted it wasn't a great night sleep. I was worried about my temperature and just couldn't get to sleep. I think I finally got a couple of solid hours between 6 and 9. Needless to say I felt terrible. The worst bit was the sinus pain...Sudofed at the ready!
Photo no.375 - Homage to 'My Bed' chemo style...
I decided to call Dunedin to get some advice. I spoke to a lovely nurse called Gwen. Her advice was to head to the Royal Berks to get some blood tests done. This is the downside of private hospitals, well the two that I'm currently linked with, is that there are few services at the weekend. So I was advised that it would be quicker to go to A&E. Plus my oncologist was on site at the Royal Berks that weekend. It felt slightly fraudulent to go to A&E for what is just a cold but I was concerned with a low white blood cell count that this could quickly escalate, so better to get checked out.
Red chemo book to the ready, we got in the car to go. A great day out! ; )) From my last visit to the Royal Berks, I remember the parking being hideous. Thankfully it was quiet today so parking wasn't an issue. We walked into A&E. I looked around the waiting area, it looked fairly quiet so I was hopeful that the wait wouldn't be too long.
I handed my red book into the lady at reception and a few details later, I was told to go through the double doors and take a seat. Above the seat was a sign. Acute cases. Ok, so the red book gets you through the double doors quickly. It's at these moments that I do realise the seriousness of what's going on at the moment. We waited for a couple of minutes and then the triage nurse called me in. Some vitals done and I was then taken to a side room. They were amazing in keeping me isolated just in case I was neutropenic (no immune system). A lovely nurse came and chatted to us and said that they'd take my blood. They had tried to get an oncology nurse to come over to take blood from my port but unfortunately they were all busy. So time to be brave and use a regular vein without emla! Only second to Regina, she was brilliant...sharp scratch and it was done. My resilience to this kind of stuff is pretty good compared to pre February!
Blood taken I was moved to a different side room, which became our place for the afternoon. Door closed to keep any potential bugs out. It had a certain cell like quality and I did wonder how long it would take for me to go stir crazy... After a short while, the nurse returned and said that my white cell count was 7.0. 7.0 are you sure?! That's a big hike up from 2.49...I was happy though it meant my body was recovering from being obliterated. All the other blood results were fine as well. Phew. We were asked to wait for the other blood tests to come in and see the doctor. Thankfully I had brought a magazine with me. I tried to get DW into a game of eye spy but he wanted to nap, still not feeling great himself.
In the meantime, we could hear an old lady, Margaret, that had come in having had a fall. She was 92. It seems wrong to say this but she became our entertainment for the afternoon. She went from being the politest lady in the world to throwing numerous tantrums. I felt for her. She was on her own. She flitted from saying she wanted to live to 102 and meet the Queen, to wanting to die. I can't imagine what she felt. Hugely frustrated I'm sure but I'm full of admiration for her. Though I did want her to pipe down on several occasions!
I was asked to don the delightful hospital robes to be checked out by the doctor. No problemo. Normally I find hospitals far too hot but here was on the chillier side. The nurses kept popping their head round the door to see how I was doing. After I heard Margaret being offered a cup of tea I wanted to get in on the action. So at the next check in point, I asked for a cup of tea. It was one of the best cups I've had. Suddenly I felt warm again.
The nurse came in to cheek my vitals again and I got a bit of a telling off for self medicating with the antibiotics. Uh oh, I'm in trouble. Shortly afterwards, the doctor came in to examine me. She was happy with the blood results but after listening to my chest, I was told that an x-ray was required to be doubly sure. Okey dok. X-ray done and tea drunk we waited for the doctor once more. Despite only being in this room for a couple of hours, it really felt like time was standing still. Sad to say but there wasn't any phone reception so that was one entrainment source out of the window.
A little while later, I was given the all clear to go but to keep taking the antibiotics...ok nurse, I wasn't so wrong but I do understand the sentiment. : ) Sigh. Relief. Phew. Good to have the reassurance. I felt wiped. I think the relief meant that the adrenalin had gone, so I just felt drained. We headed home and I hit the sofa for a nap. I should mention that when I arrived home there was some freshly made juice and flowers from a certain someone on my doorstep...it really made me smile. Thank you so much.
Despite feeling exhausted, come what may I couldn't sleep. So I just rested and think I may have eventually dozed off for a bit. 19.30, I better get up, as our guests were about to arrive. We had toyed all afternoon whether we should cancel but in the end we decided that good company would be extremely medicinal! Plus a curry takeaway would be on the menu. As ever with Felicity and Neil we had a really fun and relaxed evening, full of love and laughter. Thanks guys for a great evening, you made our day! xxx
Photo no.376 - medicinal monopoly!
The one thing I want to remember from today was how amazing DW was/ is. He kept so calm throughout the whole process. I truly love him and am so grateful for everything he is doing for me right now. I know how frustrated and exasperated he is with the situation, so I count my lucky stars I have someone so amazing by side. xxx
Sunday 6th July
Song of the day (LH): OMG - Usher feat. will.i.am
Song of the day (VW): Walk on the wild side - Lou Reed
Song of the day (EH): Hooked on a feeling - Blue Suede (Hooga-shaka-hooga-hooga!!!)
Well, well...I think for today my choice wins out! ; ) Let me know what you think!
Compared to yesterday, today was pretty uneventful. Thankfully I had a pretty decent sleep which makes all the difference. Felicity had bought me some Wild Cow products from Cowshed, so I decided to kick off the day with a relaxing bath listening to some Bobby Womack classics, thanks to EH's other song choice of the day. His (Bobby's) duet with Lana del Rey is really atmospheric.
I still sounded like I smoked 40 a day but generally I was feeling a lot better than the previous day. Progress! A lazy breakfast watching le Tour de France followed. So a good start to a Sunday, albeit breakfast was had at midday. Though really I was pleased with this as I had had a good long sleep.
My parents popped over for a cuppa, as they had got back from holiday. They arrived complete with my order of Menorcan shoes, which all fitted. Perfect. Thank you! The sun was shining so it was lovely to sit outside and relax. DW was running late coming back from the gym, so my parents dropped me off at the butchers, as steak was on the menu for tonight's dinner.
I discovered that the butcher also sells fish, which is a good find. Next time, I'll be going there to try that! As I was waiting for DW to pick me up I wandered around the green grocer section and found this gem.
Photo no.377 - maple smoked garlic.....
I cannot wait to try it. It smells absolutely incredible. Whole bulbs of garlic always remind me of the many plates of roasted garlic and rustic bread that DW, Eoin and I used to eat the Royal Oak...we need to go back!
We drove to Henley to soak up a bit of the regatta atmosphere and went via some country roads, which were so beautiful on a sunny day. Once in Henley we sadly ended up staying in caffe nero, as neither of us had the energy to take a walk. Highly unusual. Though as we drove into and out of Henley we gleaned some regatta feeling. Next year!
I've been buying some fruit and veg from the market as you know. This week I bought some fine English asparagus. So I needed a salad that included it to go with the steak and something that wasn't too arduous. I like this challenge of working with the ingredient. After some browsing I found a recipe for a beetroot, feta and asparagus salad. I wasn't 100% sure about it but it was divine! A definite addition to my repertoire.
Photo no.378 - sirloin steak with beetroot, feta and asparagus salad
Well week 17, we've had some highs and lows. The week started out pretty well and then you decided to hit me with another challenge. Thank you so much to everyone who has come on the week 17 journey with me. You're keeping me going more than you will ever know. Lets see what week 18 brings...it should have been the original end of the last chemo cycle but perhaps it will be the start. Whatever happens I know I have the most incredible person by side...xxx
Ps...this is why I love him so much, he leaves things around the house that he knows will make me laugh!
Photo no.379 - Little Miss S has a new hairstyle...
