Song of the day: America - Razorlight - the perfect song for a rainy bank holiday Monday.
What a difference a day makes.....last Monday seems like a lifetime ago. How was I feeling? Well time seemed to be dragging as had it not been a bank holiday I would have been having treatment. The day before a round (it's like a boxing match!), I always seem to go into overdrive mode trying to ensure that everything sets up for the week ahead in case I (finally) lose my marbles or just physically can't do anything. Thankfully this never happens but so far I've always gone into this mode the day before. Hey ho! Go with it.
My spirits had also dipped somewhat. Daniel and I were not necessarily helping each other by saying we were resigned to the way life was going to be for the next few weeks (reading this now I want to slap myself!) so energy levels were lower than norm. The weather didn't help the situation by being grey but we knew it'd do us good to get some air and head outside so we went to our happy place for a walk along the river.
Photo no.130 - Thames path walking
Aside from going into hospital, I think this is also the first day that I wore my headscarf in public. I wore it to Waitrose earlier that day...this one of the hardest test places as I know quite a few people who work there. Thankfully, I remained fairly incognito though I did feel like the fish counter lady spoke in a rather over compensating tone...but probably that's just me being on high alert! My favourite lady Eleanor Roosevelt has provided me with another quote that I'm frequently repeating to myself. I think you'll enjoy it.
'You wouldn't worry so much about what others think of you if you realised how seldom they do'.
Après walk, we returned home and I wrote my last blog entry whilst listening to Swedish radio. If you're ever feeling in the need of some cheering up then I'd recommend tuning into Mix Megapol (use the TuneIn Radio app), they also play some classic tunes with a mix of Europop! Listening to this a vintage tune appeared..Joe Cocker/ Jennifer Warner's Up where we belong. I was loving it, so thought I'd contact the Homer hit factory to understand his view...clearly he's not a fan, to the point I thought he was going to block me from his phone!!! He's made a musical faux pas this week but my lips are sealed on the song/ artist to protect him from a lifetime of ridicule!
Of course a bank holiday Monday turns into a Sunday night dinner, so the pressure was on! Daniel chose a simple supper this week thankfully!
So you could say I had a wobble over the Easter weekend...I hate this phrase! Daniel teases me with it all the time in the sense of 'it's ok to have a wobble'. Yes it is but it's not ok to allow myself to get to the point of being resigned to the next few weeks. No chance! I had nearly got to the why me phrase...geez hit me now! There is one lady I have to thank for a swift change of mindset and that is femme extraordinaire Debbie Grierson! You legend! Debbie had read my blog that evening and realised how I was feeling and sent me a kick ass text, which snapped me out of the resignation and back into full fighting mode! Determination fully restored. I am so grateful for you sending me that text, it made the world of difference going into the next day! A huge, whopping thank you!!! xxx
Tuesday 22nd April
Song of the day: All of me - John Legend
Right.. Rocky theme tune in your head....ok lets go! Round 3!
Check list of stuff to take to hospital with me...Little Miss Sunshine of course!
The dream team today was Kim and Ces. Girlie day! It was slightly strange going without Daniel but I'm so comfortable with both of these lovely ladies I knew it would be absolutely fine. Due to the double bank holiday weekend over Easter, oncology was busy so we waited a while before we were shown to my room (so glad I still got a room!). A new face came in to take my temperature and blood pressure...holy s%@t that hurt today for some reason. I thought the port in my arm was going to pop out again and we know that would be less than ideal. Thankfully it was done swiftly with the obligatory request for what I wanted for lunch. I've seen this menu now four times and it doesn't get anymore inspiring. I know I shouldn't complain but you never know what you want to eat in advance and why oh why is the special always a curry?! Maybe I should give it a go next time. Anyway caesar salad ordered we needed to get this show on the road. Bev wasn't around so a new nurse Marianne, came in to take my bloods. Mmn...this was the only worrying part of the day...she couldn't get any blood to come out of the port (ie. me). Argh! No!!! This was the reason for getting the port to make this part easy and less stressful I had even successfully applied the emla cream myself with the right plaster (it helps rather than cling film!). Regina swooped into the rescue and tried and it still wasn't working. Ok, breathe it will be fine. Kim and Ces were angels distracting me nicely and also not showing any signs that they were concerned by the situation. The solution...a new line had to be put in but Regina wanted to wait for new emla (magic cream) to be applied before trying again. It will be ok.....and of course it was but we were an hour behind normal treatment times. Still the blood tests came back fine so we were good to go! Yay!
As you know, I had been worried about the cold cap for this visit. I basically have little on top but a good showing at the back and around the sides and bizarrely right at the front of my head. So was there any point in putting myself through it. Two reasons. One - Daniel. He seemed to encourage me to use it, so I took as a message that he'd like me to try. Two - it's nice having some hair on my head. So brace yourself! Regina fitted it this time. We agreed that I could have some gauze on the balder spots as there was nothing to save and it would have been unbearable for something -6 degrees directly to put onto my scalp. Ok here goes...grit your teeth.....argh! How I did the first 10 minutes I do not know. In fact it got better after 5 minutes but all I can say is that my dream team did some sterling distraction techniques and chatter and I did get through it. Thankfully, the horrid smell of last time wasn't really there and if I did smell it I applied some hand cream and smelt that instead. Boom! I did it! I've not decided yet for round 4...we'll see!
Photo no.132 - smiley people and cookie!
Ces popped out on the lunch round. My caesar salad had made an appearance just gone 12 (always so early) and I really didn't feel like tucking into it, so Ces went on a pretzel quest for me in addition to her own and Kim's lunch requirements. Thankfully she knows the area really well and went to a German bakery and returned with the best pretzel (sometime you just need doughy goodness) and a the cookie about. Both were delicious and a great lunch!
For whatever reason, the cap only had to stay on for an hour post treatment, so we got back 30 minutes! Whoop! If you look in the photo above you'll see there is bag over the drip liquid. Apparently this drug cannot be exposed to daylight...obviously scared! ; ))
So around mid afternoon on Tuesday 22nd April, I said fec off to FEC! Yep, FEC over and done with (fingers crossed/ touch wood!).
Big hug and huge thank you to Ces in the car park. It had been amazing to have her spend the day with me. It was great having another girl in the room, as it meant I could zone out of the conversation when I wasn't feel tip top and I also had 2 people with distraction techniques! Don't worry DW you're still part of the dream team! ; )
Kim and I got into WAM (Kim's car - great name!) and headed to my house for some much needed sofa time. I think this is the best I have felt leaving hospital post treatment. So far so good. Arriving back at home, it was great to have some non hospital chat time. DW came home and gave me the best hug of the day. Despite us normally having guests for dinner on day 1, Kim had instructed me that I needed to rest so it was a candlelit dinner for 2 courtesy of Mr Charlie Bigham...yep, his lasagne came out again! Nice!
So overall a good day one that signalled half of the treatments being done. Whoop, whoop! FEC off! That's right! I still didn't and don't really feel the elation of being halfway through. As you can tell my spirits are up, it just feels like a marathon and the middle section is proving unsurprisingly to be the toughest in terms of spurring myself on. The good thing is that last Monday seems like a lifetime ago so only two weeks until round 4...more on that another time.
I approached the night time with apprehension, due to the Thursday night experience of round two. But I followed the same regime regarding double dosing on 'Dom Perignon' and taking pre-emptive paracetamol....it will be fine and I had the incredible DW by my side, so I knew I was in safe hands. Ok try and sleep......
Wednesday 23rd April
Song of the day: The masterplan - Oasis
Day 2...here goes! Today I had Mummy daycare looking after me. DW was working half days for the rest of this week, which we decided to spread over the middle of the day so we didn't have to get up early and it meant that he would be back earlier than normal for dinner. I spent most of the morning glued to the sofa. I felt fine, just wiped out so listening to that body of my mine I relaxed, watched some TV and snoozed. Day 2 always means heading over to PMH for a jab of Neulasta in my stomach (no, I'm never going to do this myself, despite Regina constantly trying!). I find this a reassuring visit as it means any early side effects that I've not felt before can be talked through face to face. Thankfully, no new side effects this time. I love seeing Regina as well as she always makes me smile. It was busy again in oncology so it was a swift visit. Good.
Mummy daycare had busied herself around the house with a few things, including making us dinner, which was very welcome. Day 2 so Spicy Bacon and Beans for us. On day 2, I always seem to have rosy red cheeks as a reaction to one of FEC's components. Today was no change. It was good to be repeating the same pattern as before and have my trusty notebook to revert back to for reassurance and top tips!
Photo no.133 - red cheeks of day 2! Always happens and no it's not the chilli
Overall a good day 2, nothing major to report. I definitely rested more this time than last, which is no bad thing, including a indulgent snooze post dinner on the sofa. I find evening naps in front of the TV are one of my favourite sleeps, it's just the bit when you wake up and realise that you've got to get ready for bed that's not so much fun...ah well.
Thursday 24th April
Song of the day (VW): Butterfly (Come my lady) - Crazy Town
Hello Neulasta side effects! I had thought during round 2, that the achy body/ sensitive skin had been a flu symptom but no, they're a lovely side effect of the jab that I had the previous day. So a day with Mr Paracetamol was in order. Today, it was Daddy daycare's turn. Thankfully it was a lovely day, so he was able to crack on and give our lawn some much needed tlc (thanks Daddy!). Again, I felt like sofa surfing so that's where I stayed until early afternoon. I didn't feel particularly bad, just low energy. Coming downstairs for some lunch I realised what a sunny a day it was so decided some sun lounger on the decking time was much needed. But this was not to be...instead I sat with my dad and chatted the afternoon away which was wonderful. DW eventually returned home as he had been caught up in traffic, so we food shopped and cooked dinner together. Nice. Then some day 3 tears....this seems a familiar pattern - it's ok to have a 'wobble'! Ok.
Friday 25th April
Song of the day: Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
Photo no.134 - good morning Little Miss Sunshine!
'It's important to forgive.'
'Who do you have the hardest time forgiving?'
'Myself'.
I read this quote via someone on Facebook and it resonates. We all have lessons to learn everyday.
I woke up feeling relieved that my temperature had remained stable overnight. I suspect that feeling during week 1 won't leave me now but good to remain on high alert. Naughty Neulasta side effects were still present but I had baking on the agenda with Mummy daycare. So after some relax time we kicked off baking banana bread at midday. I'm always amazed at how many bananas are required. We made 2 loaves as I 'thought' I had enough of the golden yellow fruit but it turns out an emergency banana mission had to be completed by my mum. We got the loaves in the oven just in the nick of time, as it's all very well bimbling the morning away but I needed to leave the house at 2.30ish to get to physio...tight as the loaves needed 90 minutes. It just about worked and the good thing about these loaves is that they keep for quite a few days and if they were a bit moist (ergh hate that word) then it would be ok as they would 'age' well. Whilst our loaves were in the oven, I was washed over with tiredness and all I wanted to do was sleep. I tried to have a power nap but mentally couldn't switch off as I knew I had to go out so no sleep success. It's definitely true though that if you start moving and keep going that you do feel more alert. So reluctantly I had a speedy lunch and we left for physio. Diana noticed that my energy levels were somewhat zapped so took it fairly easy on me. We both hoped that the final cords would snap but no such luck, stubborn b@st@rds! I had promised Regina that I would go and say hello to show her my wig. All of last week, I just didn't feel like wearing it so I went to see her and apologise for lack of wig wearing! It was lovely to see that big smile and have a hug.
Next! We went to the Italian supermarket, as DW and I had decided that tonight was pizza night. I always spend far too much in there as there is so much temptation and as you don't go every week it's always a just in case type buying mentality. This is probably Ikea's success secret as likewise I find that I've spent way more coming out of there than I had planned to. Anyway mission accomplished I had pizza bases and various toppings so all set!
Next! A visit to Davinder for my counselling session. Mummy daycare ended her shift here having driven me around a lot of the Royal borough that day (thank you!). I had thought we were going to do some deeper meditation but it turned into a talking session, which was really useful. I know for some there is prejudice about seeing a counsellor but honestly this should be dispelled as for those who keep things in, this is a safe environment to let it all out without any repercussions. Give it a go. Session over and my new chauffeur DW was supposed to pick me up....I had told him 5.30 knowing my session would run over and that he would be late...but of course there was a traffic incident so I decided to walk home. It was raining quite hard and I didn't have an umbrella but it was so refreshing to walk home...cleansing really. Lucky I hadn't worn my wig as I was 'protected' by a head scarf. Of course we arrived at home at the same time where I was promptly ordered to have a bath to ensure I didn't get cold! Yes boss! I used some Jo Malone Lavender and Amber bath oil that Kim had given me when I got married to relax me that morning. It's such a wonderful smell and it definitely ticks the relaxing box!
Post bath, it was time for the main event pizza
Photo no.135 - pizza #1
Photo no.136 - shandy and pizza!
Ok. I eat a lot. Normally we eat a pizza of this size each but for whatever reason I was defeated and only managed 3/4...rubbish VW! Still the remaining slices provided a good lunch the next day!
Feeling as full as if I had eaten a feast we went and relaxed and I got a good 2 hours of sofa sleep in. Awesome. Saturday 26th April
Song of the day: Get right - Jennifer Lopez
'Be with someone who can make you laugh even when you don't feel like smiling'.
I'm lucky that I have this someone.
The session with Davinder the day before had allowed me to realise some of the reasons for having felt slightly low the previous week. One was getting ready for bed and taking off any armoury and seeing the real me underneath. So back to Daniel being there and chatting to me to dispel this feeling and pick up any rogue escaping hairs. Mornings are better but still it's these two times of the day that I feel most exposed. You may recall when I was in Lisbon that I had disco shower time, so this is exactly what I reinstated this morning. You've got to love some shower singing and shaking your booty!
Thankfully the Neulasta side effects had gone but I still felt tired and craved bad foods. Hello 3 red lindor......bad, bad, bad. DW went off to the gym and I had a lazy day at home, which was great but I actually need to remind myself that I feel better when I start doing things...aka get off our ass VW!!!
It's always good to have something planned in and today's something was a trip to Bicester to see Ben and Emily. We had a brief visit to the shopping village, I never seem to find anything there whereas DW always returns with work shirts. We dined at Busaba Eathai, which I normally love but I have to say the food quality was not to the expected standards, still some noodles are always welcome. As it was still early we went back to Ben and Emily's for a magnum (see more bad food....) and a cuppa! It was lovely to catch up with them and have lots of laughs. Sadly there was no time for a game of Cut It...next time!
The best day 5 so far. It actually felt like a day 6 due to the timing of the treatment that week, so overall good job so far!
Sunday 27th April
Song of the day (VW): Another one bites the dust - Queen
Song of the day (LH): I won't give up - Jason Mraz
It's strange how a song can captivate you somewhere. For me the Jason Mraz song takes me back to sitting in Pret next to Daniel's office early on in this journey. The lyrics are poignant and to be honest at the right moment I could burst into tears listening to it as I can also recall myself singing along to this in my kitchen making myself getting through the song without tears...it never worked. My choice for today more feisty and captured my mood.
Day 6 and VW you feel like you're back in business! I felt like a switch had been turned on. I thankfully hadn't had a fogginess but still it seemed like something inside had clicked and put me back onto normal energy levels.
It was time to don the wig for the first time in a week. Quite a few of the self conscious feelings returned...keep going. I went to buy food for the all important Sunday night dinner and saw someone I knew in Waitrose who had seen me in the midst of me having the cold. I was thoroughly buoyed by her saying how I great I looked and that my hair was looking good....thanks Jay!
Rushing back we headed off to Surbiton to see Felicity and Neil and their new home! Exciting! Their new place is truly stunning and reminds me of how much we love Victorian properties and their original features such as fireplaces and ceiling cornices. I'm sure they're going to be very happy in their new home for many years to come. We had a lovely relaxing lunch...a ploughman's...what's not to like...and a good catch up including the ins and outs the move (they're always stressful) and life in the Pattinson-Jones household. Thanks for a great afternoon!
Heading home we ideally needed to go via the M25 but thanks to checking on google maps we avoided getting stuck in an accident so went on a detour via Richmond Park, an unexpected treat. DW was really tired, I knew he just wanted to get home to relax so it was frustrating that a 35 minute journey took over double the length but still we got to see some lovely scenery.
Photo no.137 - spring roses from the fabulous Miss Jones!
Arriving home, it was time for me to get cooking! Tonight's dinner was based on a Jamie 30 minute meal but with some tweaks...unbelievably Waitrose didn't have any salmon so I had to compromise with cod and I decided against making the noodle broth so settled for jasmine rice with the official accompanying salad. It was good, particularly coupled with a good glass (or two) of Portguese white wine...this nation knows it's wines...go on explore them!
Photo no.138 - Jamie's 30 Minute Meals - Asian-style Salmon....deconstructed VW style.
Lindor and one creme egg aside, we hadn't made that progress on our Easter treats...so tonight was my egg's turn...
Photo no.139 - hello Mrs Egg!
Photo no.140 - the kiss goodbye....I won't show you the aftermath!
So a drug free day and I was feeling pretty darn good! Overall a good week 1 and it was great that we knew we could get through it together...with a little help from our friends and family for their various parts played! Thanks everyone for getting us through round 3...half way. Yeah baby! Biggest thanks goes to DW for taking every day in his stride and for making me laugh even when I don't feel like. Week 7 done. Roger that. FEC done, roger that. Over and out. xxx
