Monday 7th July
Song of the day (LH): The climb - Miley Cyrus
Song of the day (VW): Waking up - Elastica
Despite the cold/ cough, I had had a feeling the night before that the final chemo session might actually happen this time. I didn't say this aloud to anyone as I hoped it could go ahead and didn't want to jinx anything. Sleeping wise I had been awake on/off all night. Partly thinking about what might be...
This time it was a low key chemo party with just me and my mum. I think she was pleased to come to a chemo session....so would it go ahead or not?! We got settled into room 142 and Regina came fairly quickly to take the blood, which would be the decider. We sang some gospel together and had some chats around her thoughts on christianity and faith. I find these conversations fascinating as everyone has strong views on religion, whether they believe in any form of god and how it should and shouldn't be practised. It's sadly one of the major instigators of war, even if it's used as an excuse hiding the real reason.
Today things seemed to happen fairly speedily and she came back with a smile to say Dr Davis was happy for the treatment to go ahead. It was then my call if I felt up to it. I wasn't feeling tip top as I was still coughing and blowing my nose but heck lets just get this thing done!!! I have to say there was a small part of me saying wait a few days to feel better so that I would go into this round fighting fit but the larger part of me just wanted to get it over and done with.
So after the decision a few calls were made to some of the chemo team who were local to see if they could join us. A while later Debbie and Ces came and the party could start...but wait we didn't have any baked goods or party drinks!!! As it was pretty much lunchtime my Mum offered to walk into Windsor to go to the infamous Jungs. So orders were taken and off she went, iPhone sat nav in hand...would she make it back?!!! During this the last docetaxel was gradually being dripped into me. It takes around an hour. My mum left shortly after the drip had started so when it was 75% done we started to get a bit worried about her as the deli is only a 15 minute walk away maximum...so we put out an SOS call and it turns out she had got a bit lost on the way back. Ces popped out of the room and the final bleep went on the machine. It felt apt that it was just Debbie and I in the room at this moment, as she's been there from the very first conversation of going to the GP.
Finally lunch arrived at the perfect time, when the all of the drips had been taken away. It was also the perfect time as we were all starving and desperate to eat!!! The sandwiches were delicious but so huge that I couldn't manage the gigantic doughnut that had come with them! Probably best for the waistline!
After lunch we waited for what seemed like eternity for the bag from the pharmacy to be brought up! It turns out that it had come up earlier but Regina had waited for us to have our party! Good job we waited as just as were leaving the room one of the porter's came into the room with a congratulations balloon tied to a box of chocolates! From the chemo team....now was this Regina and the team at PMH or the work of Kim and co?!! Regina denied all knowledge but looked pretty shifty...mmn! Detective V on the case...it turns out it was from Kim, Ces (poker face!) and Eoin! A brilliant surprise. Thank you all so much!
Photo no.380 - the lovely ladies that have got me through the 6 sessions (Jill on the left, Regina on the right). Thank you so much!
I felt a bit worn out and was coughing quite a bit for the rest of the day. But it was finally done. Hurrah!!!
Tuesday 8th July
Song of the day (LH): Kokomo - The Beach Boys
Song of the day (VW): Ghetto in paradise - Guts
It was a late bedtime the night before, as my temperature decided to dip below 36 degrees for the first time. 35.9 wasn't a number we wanted to see just as we were going to bed. But hey just roll with it. DW was an angel making me drink tea and wrapping me up in a duvet even though I felt as if I was going to explode temperature wise. Thankfully after a while it settled back into the safe zone, so sleep could be had.
Photo no.381 - day 2: early morning cocktail...antibiotics, steroids, fluconazole and anti nausea tablet!
The morning was spent resting with DW on the sofa. This is the best type of rest. As always with a day 2, I was actually feeling pretty good. Fingers crossed for this to continue!
In the afternoon, my mum drove me over to PMH for my last neulasta jab! We were truly honoured to be taken into Regina's office for this and a good lengthy chat! As you know I bought Regina some ginger wine as an end of chemo present but had held off giving it until it actually happened! Unbeknown to me, my mum had called Regina while she was away to check on me. So the previous day my mum had given Regina a bottle of ginger wine....grrr!!! So I turned up with my original thank you bottle of ginger wine plus some pink bubbly! Regina which would you like.....of course you know what happened she took the ginger wine and the pink bubbles were given to the whole team! They've been amazing so it was a tiny gesture of thanks from me.
We popped into town on the way back to pick up a few things. On the way to the town hall to try and get an advantage card...I will get one at some point I heard a massive crash. My mum had fallen over....heals and speedy walking not a good combo! Luckily she was fine but it caused a bit of commotion!!!
The rest of the day was spent resting, I'm getting well practised at this. My cough seemed to be getting worse, which wasn't fun. I was also enjoying lots of cold sweats, most likely to be menopausal hot flushes, great! Still another day done.
Wednesday 9th July
Song of the day (LH): Cry to me - Solomon Burke
8 hours of sleep! Hurrah! DW spent the morning with me again, which was brilliant. My afternoon was planned to spend with Rachel and Maddie. We had lunch together and then went for a short walk to 'try' to get the little lady to sleep. I felt wiped by this stage. As much as I love her, Maddie wasn't so restful to hang out with as she had been for my first chemo round when she was a few weeks old. So I decided to head home and dial up mummy daycare for her to come over. Writing this a few weeks later, it's strange to have the need to have someone here all the time during a week one. But when I'm in a week one, it feels extremely volatile not knowing what's going to happen. Of course the hope is that nothing happens but.........So my lovely mummy came over and pottered around the house and did some jobs while I was a lazy mouse and rested. Resting is pretty much all I did for the rest of the day as the achiness had kicked in, coupled with lots of coughing, cold sweats and talking becoming an effort. Not the best day but another step forward. Keep going VW!
Thursday 10th July
Song of the day (VW): Green garden - Laura Mvula
Song of the day (LH): You make me feel brand new - Simply Red
Happy birthday Maggie!
I woke up having had the best night's sleep in a week. DW had gone to work at the normal time so daddy daycare had come over. I was asleep for most of his shift but he kept himself busy with sorting out the jungle of our front garden. Thank you! The achiness had really set in my back, chest (from coughing) and my knees. To be honest I felt super crappy. I've been so determined to remain positive but these days were really challenging that spirit. The drive to keep going was there but I just felt distant from myself and in one word lousy.
Photo no.382 - sofa time...my home for the week.
Emily took over daycare duty and made a me a stunning salad for lunch. It was all I could do to sit at the table for a short time to eat this. She even cooked, yep, cooked in my kitchen without me interfering. This is probably the best measure for you to know how pants I was feeling. Thanks for looking after me.xxx
Photo no.383 - a delightful chicken salad!
Most of today was spent on the sofa or in bed. It seemed I just couldn't really get comfortable with the different parts of my body aching away. DW was amazing, coming home to cook dinner after he'd been out all day. I feel that cooking is my job, so it upset me that I couldn't even face doing something that I usually love. It's ok to have wobble. I know. But I was crossing my fingers that tomorrow would be a much better day.
Friday 11th July
Song of the day (LH): Rude - Magic
Song of the day (VW): Time to say goodbye - Bocelli & Brightman
What happened today. Oh that's right. The whole day on the sofa. Getting up was difficult this morning. I eventually hauled myself out just after 10. Today was Rachel daycare and she was amazing. We had a croaky chat on the sofa and then she headed downstairs to work, while I watched many a movie. Kim had recommended Julie and Julia to me a while ago so I watched this. It's such a lovely movie, albeit I did find Meryl Streep's accent somewhat grating but if you're a cooking enthusiast then this is a film for you. Or if you're not it's still a wonderfully relaxing movie to watch.
I came downstairs for a spot of lunch, lovingly prepared by Rachel and happily ate the fab quiche and salad. My head was feeling quite foggy, perhaps from an extra day of steroids that I had taken (still one less than prescribed), the aching was in full swing across my body and cough, cough, cough! The worst bit was lack of energy. Something I've not really suffered from on previous rounds and generally I find my energy levels affect my mood. High energy, shining happy VW. Low energy, low mood levels. So tricky business. I kept mentally slapping my face in an effort of trying to force myself into positivity mode once more and to hopefully gain some energy. Today was not the day.
Photo no.384 - more sofa time.
My after lunch movie was Monsters University. For those of you who loved Monsters Inc, this is definitely worth a watch and even made me smile a few times. Very welcome! Rachel stayed until Daniel returned home from work. Thanks so much.xxx
I realised at this stage that I hadn't left the house or even strayed into the garden. So I decided I would accompany DW to pick up the Indian takeaway, which took more effort than predicted. My feet were getting painful to walk on and feeling slightly numb. Awesome! Thankfully it was ready when we arrived so no lengthy wait for dinner! The one good thing is that I haven't lost my appetite throughout the chemo experience but I must admit that evening I was eating rather savouring what was on the plate in front of me.
Today was definitely a how the hell did we end up here day? DW and I definitely reflect each other's energy and so when I'm this low I know it has an affect on him. There's little he or anyone can do, as unfortunately it was a case of riding the wave but I can imagine it must be so hard being the observer.
Still day 5 done. Please let tomorrow be better. Please, please, please!
Saturday 12th July
Song of the day (LH): Could it be magic - Barry Manilow
Song of the day (VW): We close our eyes - Go West
Happy birthday Sarah!
The croaks from yesterday had diminished into nothing...yep, I lost my voice! This has never happen to me before and I found it so frustrating as even whispering was taking a lot of effort. I was still feeling terrible. Another sofa day. It's hard having sofa days when it's sunny outside as you feel that you should be outside but don't feel like it. All you want to do is snuggle up in a blanket but it's too hot to do that. Catch 22.
Today was crack day....yep, I cracked and had 2 big teary releases. One in the morning and one watching DW cooking dinner. I hate saying this but I felt sorry for myself. It had finally happened. The feeling of frustration that I so wanted to feel better and at the same time felt so lousy I didn't know what to do with myself. I couldn't talk to anyone as I didn't have a voice. It felt isolating even though I knew DW was at home.
So movie time again...Priceless, a French film with Audrey Tatou, some brain cells used reading the subtitles and The Kids are all right. I realised that fatigue had set in so better to embrace it. The coughing was driving me and no doubt DW and all others in close proximity absolutely crazy. Thankfully the aching had got a lot better and I managed to eat dinner (fajitas cooked by DW) without being propped up with my old lady cushion. My feet however, were hurting like hell, it was that feeling of them about to go into cramp constantly. Nice!
I was also completely gutted as we were meant to be spending the evening on the river at Henley festival with the Hamiltons watching The Jacksons. It wasn't to be. DW was originally meant to be in Brussels celebrating his cousin's 50th birthday but thankfully stayed with me due to it being a week 1. Margareta we will be over later this year to have a belated celebration with you! Then the aim was to make Henley Festival but this didn't happen. Next year!
Mentally as you tell this is probably the lowest I've felt on the journey so far. By bedtime, with the achiness subsiding I had begun to feel more optimistic. So fingers crossed for a better day tomorrow for both of us, as it wasn't fun for DW needing to be home all weekend.
Sunday 13th July
Song of the day (VW): I wish I knew how it would feel to be free - Nina Simone
Song of the day (LH): Reach for the stars - SClub7
The lyrics of my song choice felt particularly apt for the way I had been feeling. 3 sofa days done...what would today hold??? Well, it turned out to be another sofa 'day of fun'. Again I barely went outside, as my energy levels were low. At this point I have to say how eternally grateful I am to have such a fantastic support network around me. To be on your own must be so hard, so I will be forever thankful to everyone who has helped us on this journey. Positive of the day was no aching! Yay! Today was mainly about coughing and feeling spaced out. Lethargy had probably set in.
Some more tears of frustration and sadness were shed today. My voice had still decided to disappear so communication was difficult. DW calmly spent the day doing stuff around the house. Later in the afternoon I heard the doorbell ring but couldn't hear who it was. Our house is on a fairly busy road, so with the window open and the TV volume at a level to compete with the traffic it's virtually impossible to hear what's going on. It turns out it was the ever amazing Ces and Rob with a support package of some magazines and flowers. A genuinely lovely surprise and it melted my heart.
As with Emily cooking in the kitchen on Thursday, today was going to be another debut. DW cooking the Sunday night supper. We decided on comfort food, so a baked sausage parcel with romano peppers it was! I must have been feeling better, as I decided to help out with the chopping of the onions and peppers. That and I wanted to eat before 9pm! DW is a great cook, particularly of meat, but not the fastest, so when chopping is involved it's best to help out. So it turned into a team affair!
Photo no.385 - a baked sausage parcel.
Photo no.386 - on the plate!
It was a silent supper with my lack of voice but a good one nonetheless.
Well week 18, you've not been my favourite it has to be said. At least you're done and so is the chemo! When people found out that chemo had gone ahead, everyone said it was time to celebrate, which it was. For me, chemo would be finished once I felt better and the drugs had vacated my system, after doing their very important job. So still not quite a time for celebration. I truly want to thank everyone for either spending time with me, doing things to bring a smile on my face and most of all to DW for persisting with this challenging week. We did it. Hopefully not to be repeated. Week 18 done!
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