Duck tales & bra shopping

Tuesday 25th February

For FEC sake....I was awake on off all night. I guess there was so much information given on the previous day it's not surprising that my mind was whirring. Thankfully, I had a chauffeur to hand and Lars gave me a lift to work, as I simply felt too tired to drive but was determined to have a normal day at work.

Since my early posts, I've not mentioned Debbie (world's best boss, remember?!) that much. She has and will remain one of my closest confidents on this journey. From having a quick check of my boob post needle biopsy in the work toilet (well above and beyond the call of duty!) to bringing me a variety of baked goods (all amazing). I respect and admire her so much for she will give me a hug when required but will also tell me the facts that I need to know. Today was a mix of both of these. It was also a work wake up call in the respect of being really clear about what was feasible and not for the next few months. The conversation turned to FEC..Debbie had done some research and broke the news that I needed to face into the fact that this drug was very likely to cause hair loss. Words I didn't want to hear but presented in a gentle way with the sentiment of wanting me to prepare for the inevitable outcome. I thank her so much for taking the time to research this and the courage for telling me, where others perhaps wouldn't. From this conversation, I've been able to prepare regarding buying a wig, thinking of cutting my hair short, buying hair loss preventing shampoos and ultimately accepting the fact that my hair  is likely to go so once less battle to face into.

We also agreed that Debbie would take me to the Royal Berks Hospital in Reading the next day for my pre op radioactive injection, as rather unfairly she knows it all too well. This was to be followed by a sports bra shopping..more to come on that.

Feeling remarkably alert, my chauffeur (aka Lars) picked me up from work at 6.30pm and we headed home for dinner.

Photo no.13 - duck tales! I was given the sparkly pink duck by Kate, to have with me throughout treatment - it makes me smile and is practical as it's also lip gloss! Not quite sure why I posed in this position!

Wednesday 26th February
Debbie had mentioned about us going for lunch post bra shopping but I realised late the previous evening that I had to fast as I had an ultrasound on spleen later that day....so clear liquids only for me from 11am! Vodka?!!! I was good and stuck to water and peppermint tea..rock n roll!

We left the office and headed off to Reading. Unfamiliar hospitals and their associated car parking (or lack of it) can cause additional headaches, so it was fantastic going with Debbie as she knew how to navigate the relevant car parks. We secured a space and headed in to the relevant department. A 'here comes the sting' moment and a couple of minutes later we were out of the hospital complete with more leaflets to add to my ever growing library.

Bra shopping time!

Photo no. 14 - Doreen!

Fellow JL folk will appreciate this...Doreen has been, potentially still could be, the no.1 selling bra in John Lewis. So it felt appropriate to have a photo taken with her. It has to be said M&S won out in terms of range, price and sizes available on the sports bra front...sorry!!!

Post bra shopping we headed back to the office for lunch in Debbie's case and a peppermint tea for me! A bit last min.com I headed out of the office...it was a strange feeling as technically I wasn't going to go back until 17th March...post biopsy and first chemo sessions. Less thinking more getting to the car young lady!!! Google maps thankfully navigated me to the hospital in the nick of time for my spleen ultrasound. This was the first time that I had gone to the Princess Margaret alone. I had asked my mum if she had wanted to come, which she desperately did but she had a filthy cold/ chest infection so unfortunately I had to say no for mine and other patient's sake. You can drive yourself nuts with this type of stuff and sure you never know what you'll pick up from walking around shops etc, but equally best not to walk headlong into this stuff. It's tricky with my parents, as innately I want to protect them from the medical aspect of this disease. None of us asked this to happen but I've always wanted to protect them from worrying about me. Hence at times I think they're feeling like they're being left out. They're not, I just don't want them to see some of the more ugly aspect of this. The scan went fine and it turned out it was with the original radiologist from the Parapet, Dr Moreland. It was great to see a familiar face and someone who I felt at ease with. The plan with the cysts on my spleen is to monitor them throughout chemo. They're not overly concerned currently and apparently this would be an extremely rare location for secondary cancer so fingers crossed this is the case.

I can't remember too much more of that evening aside from snuggling on the sofa with Daniel, anxiety, apprehension and nerves building for the next morning. I made myself stay up in the hope of making myself tired so that I could get some sleep. Around midnight, I forced myself to eat some swedish crisp bread, knowing that would be the last time I would eat (I had a 5am cut off) prior to the biopsy. It seemed to work as some sleep was had.