Song of the day (LH): Am I wrong - Nico & VIN
Song of the day (VW): Water of March - Antonio Carlos Jobim & Elis Regina
It's been (7 hours and 15 days...Sinead O'Connor!) just over 3 weeks since I last entered Wonderland and a lot has happened in that time. Phase 2 of treatment...so herewith begins surgery tales.
My song choice for today is one of DW's favourite songs. It has different meanings depending on what hemisphere you live in...if you're in the southern hemisphere it's about going into autumn. For us in the north, it talks of going into spring and the hope that it brings. Today is a hopeful day so this seems appropriate.
Wow there are two 6 o'clocks in a day....hello 06.20...breakfast time! So I had until 7am to eat to my heart's content until the 7am cut off time for food for the day. I don't really like eating first thing so this was a tricky one. Some people had suggested a fry up. No thanks, it's never my breakfast of choice. Others suggested left overs of the previous night's dinner...mmn no thanks! So I went for a standard choice of muesli with blueberries, the infamous green juice, coffee and......some malt loaf! I don't know why but I absolutely love the stuff and it's packed full of energy so why not! 7am curfew met!
Now 4 hours to drink as much water as possible...hydration is the name of the next game! Despite going to to sleep fairly late the night before, I actually had had a good sleep. No middle of the night anxiety, which was a bonus. All day in fact pre op, I felt strangely calm. I didn't really have the choice of backing out, so it was a case of going with the flow. So I blogged and packed...packed enough for a short holiday but hey you never know what you're going to need! ; )
We had a uneventful trip into London thankfully, so we dropped the car at DW's office and headed to the Marsden by black cab. Always exciting! Unlike the pre chemo tears, I just knew I had to keep going today so there were no tears just a calmness of heading up the stairs in the Marsden and thankfully finding the right ward without getting lost! We were asked to wait in the day room...and there we saw B! I hadn't seen her in ages, so it was wonderful to see her looking so well, particularly after a weekend in the Marsden being pumped full of antibiotics. It's amazing how with some people you make an instant connection and this had certainly been the case with B. So we had many hugs and lots of chat before she needed to head off. : )
We were then shown to room 7, my new home for the next 24 hours at least. The view...DW's first studio flat...a familiar skyline. By this stage there were only 4 hours until showtime...well as it turned out 3, as the plan was to go down around 3pm. The time seemed to fly by. Nurses came in and out to take my vital statistics. There was a visit from the lovely anaesthetist who instilled more confidence and took on board my request for no black mask until I was zonked out! DW managed to break the TV, so that added something else in the mix to focus on. The best form of distraction was from the wonderful Deutsch clan....here's page one:
It's been (7 hours and 15 days...Sinead O'Connor!) just over 3 weeks since I last entered Wonderland and a lot has happened in that time. Phase 2 of treatment...so herewith begins surgery tales.
My song choice for today is one of DW's favourite songs. It has different meanings depending on what hemisphere you live in...if you're in the southern hemisphere it's about going into autumn. For us in the north, it talks of going into spring and the hope that it brings. Today is a hopeful day so this seems appropriate.
Wow there are two 6 o'clocks in a day....hello 06.20...breakfast time! So I had until 7am to eat to my heart's content until the 7am cut off time for food for the day. I don't really like eating first thing so this was a tricky one. Some people had suggested a fry up. No thanks, it's never my breakfast of choice. Others suggested left overs of the previous night's dinner...mmn no thanks! So I went for a standard choice of muesli with blueberries, the infamous green juice, coffee and......some malt loaf! I don't know why but I absolutely love the stuff and it's packed full of energy so why not! 7am curfew met!
Now 4 hours to drink as much water as possible...hydration is the name of the next game! Despite going to to sleep fairly late the night before, I actually had had a good sleep. No middle of the night anxiety, which was a bonus. All day in fact pre op, I felt strangely calm. I didn't really have the choice of backing out, so it was a case of going with the flow. So I blogged and packed...packed enough for a short holiday but hey you never know what you're going to need! ; )
We had a uneventful trip into London thankfully, so we dropped the car at DW's office and headed to the Marsden by black cab. Always exciting! Unlike the pre chemo tears, I just knew I had to keep going today so there were no tears just a calmness of heading up the stairs in the Marsden and thankfully finding the right ward without getting lost! We were asked to wait in the day room...and there we saw B! I hadn't seen her in ages, so it was wonderful to see her looking so well, particularly after a weekend in the Marsden being pumped full of antibiotics. It's amazing how with some people you make an instant connection and this had certainly been the case with B. So we had many hugs and lots of chat before she needed to head off. : )
We were then shown to room 7, my new home for the next 24 hours at least. The view...DW's first studio flat...a familiar skyline. By this stage there were only 4 hours until showtime...well as it turned out 3, as the plan was to go down around 3pm. The time seemed to fly by. Nurses came in and out to take my vital statistics. There was a visit from the lovely anaesthetist who instilled more confidence and took on board my request for no black mask until I was zonked out! DW managed to break the TV, so that added something else in the mix to focus on. The best form of distraction was from the wonderful Deutsch clan....here's page one:
Photo no. 496 - colouring for grown ups...I need to get a wider assortment of colouring pencils as these ones didn't to seem to want to blend! ; )
Thankfully due to the volume of liquid I consumed pre 11am, around 4 litres, I didn't feel hungry. DW popped out to get some lunch and air. It was good not seeing him eat in front of my, otherwise that might have kicked off the hunger pangs! On the other hand I didn't want to be left alone but as it turns out it was, as with most things, absolutely fine. I think having had limited sleep the night before meant that I was fairly sleepy, thus meaning calmness was retained. Thankfully no adrenalin kicked in.
At 2.30pm I was asked to change into my outfit for the afternoon. Of course I've captured this for you!
Photo no.498 - c'est chic!
The worst bit of waiting was at 3pm, as you're just waiting to be called. Luckily I only had to wait 15 minutes before a nurse came in to chaperone me down. This is the hardest bit, having a goodbye hug and kiss with DW, much harder for him than me. It's good that you're literally given a minute to do this. It's so true that it's always harder for the person left behind. This applies to many situations in life. I also think it was easier for me not knowing the nurse who was walking me down to theatre. Chit chat kicked in! The anaesthetic room here was much larger than the one I had been in back in February. Although I could see the dreaded double doors in front of me and hear the beeps from theatres, they were a further away, which for whatever reason provided some comfort. Of course I had had magic cream applied to my hand before I came down. Good job I did as it still blimin well hurt even with this on!!! I seemed to be hooked up to various machines all the while being talked to by the team to distract me. I saw the anaesthetist wheel over a machine with 2 giant syringes in it - one looked like it contained milk and the other was clear. Ok, time to crack on...ouch! The hand that had the cannula in it began to really sting, as in really frickin hurt, but within a few seconds I started to feel groggy and then must have fallen asleep as the next thing I can remember is waking up in the recovery room.
On waking up this time, I didn't have the uncertain feeling of whether it had happened or not. Being in this room, I definitely knew that it was over. Bizarre really. Then came the most popular question that I was asked for the next 36 hours...how would you rate your pain on a score of 1-10? This is actually a lot harder to answer than you think. I felt groggy and just wanted to sleep so didn't really feel any pain. However, I remember wise words from Charlie Hamilton about keeping on top of pain relief from the start so I punted for around 5/6. Apparently they had asked me earlier and I had said 6/7 but have absolutely no recollection of saying this! Due to me saying around 5/6 more doses of a certain drug, the name escapes me were injected in. It felt like I was in the recovery room for a lifetime. All I wanted to do was see DW to let him know that I was ok. Then a familiar face came in and it was Fiona. The message was good, the operation had gone as well as she hoped for, no complications. Excellent! Phew!
Finally a nurse came down from the ward to take me back to my room. At first I wasn't sure about Beth, but it turns out she was annoyed with the team in the recovery room plying me with more and more of the pain relief. Her view was that they should have stopped around 50/60mg rather than giving me 200mg, as clearly this drug was having little effect for me. I, on the other hand was just pleased to be going back to my room, as it was approaching 9pm. Aside from a bit of discomfort the only thing that was uncomfortable were the oxygen tubes in my nose. Still there to help!
Outside the door, I could hear Kim and DW chatting. They were there. My room was quite difficult to navigate with the bed, so it took a few manoeuvres to get to the right spot. Thankfully, I didn't have to change beds. I looked up to see this guy smiling at me...
Photo no.499 - that's Mr. Potato Head to you!
Yep, DW had done it again. Found the perfect wake up to gift! I was feeling fine just a bit tired and groggy. Again, it must be so much harder for the loved ones who see you in the immediate post op state. As clearly one is not looking one's best! ; ) However, the tears came out. Tears of relief to be back in my room. It was done. The emotion really took over in a way I hadn't expected but better to let it out. Big thank you to Kim for distracting DW and taking him for dinner and keeping him sane whilst I was in recovery...the worst waiting bit as far as I can understand. Also, a big thank you to everyone that texted DW to see how we were both doing. This means a lot.
The other beautiful thing in my room was a stunning bouquet from Dan and Britta. Thanks so much, it was such a lovely thought and it definitely brightened up my room.
Photo no.500 - a lovely bunch!
So recovery mode time. Every 15 minutes my blood pressure and temperature were taken, this continued well into the night and eventually changed to every 30 minutes then every hour. Bizarrely I still wasn't hungry but was told I need to drink some water. Thankfully I didn't feel queasy so I managed to drink quite a bit of the lovely h20 and it had never tasted better! A little while later I was asked if I would like anything to eat. I say asked but it was a bit of a you need to eat something in order to get more pain relief! So good old fashioned tea and toast was ordered. It was amazing!!! Dinner at 10.30pm! Due to the pain relief given in the recovery room I was finally allowed a small dose of oral morphine as well. This seemed to give the desired effects and I felt really relaxed. Kim left shortly after I finished my supper. Thanks so much petal for staying so long, we really, really appreciated it!xxx
The rest of the night seemed like a blur, with observations, some snippets of sleep and a 2am feast of more toast. Beth was amazing and it was great to have her looking after me. At one stage I asked for more pillows as I realised the one I had wasn't giving much support...Beth and Jackie appeared with many pillows and worked some magic and I was in pillow heaven...and I'm fussy when it comes to pillows! ; ) Beth did comment that after 5 years of training, all I wanted was pillows! But you know, it's often the little things that make the biggest difference. DW had decided to sleep on the recliner chair in my room that night. I will be eternally grateful that he stayed with me that night, as it was so comforting knowing that he was just at the end of my bed. Love you so much darling.xxx
So technically phase 2 of treatment was done...but a bit like a chemo session I knew it would be a little while before this sunk in for me. In fact, it's over 3 weeks later and for whatever reason it still hasn't sunk in for me. I wonder if it ever will.
Of course Little Miss S was with us as well, so the medial team must have thought I was a complete child. Still all good fun! Fiona came in to see me as well, to confirm the procedure and also mark me up for the surgery. It's really happening.....
Photo no.497 - my body being used as a notepad...big reminder to take out the port from my arm!
Thankfully due to the volume of liquid I consumed pre 11am, around 4 litres, I didn't feel hungry. DW popped out to get some lunch and air. It was good not seeing him eat in front of my, otherwise that might have kicked off the hunger pangs! On the other hand I didn't want to be left alone but as it turns out it was, as with most things, absolutely fine. I think having had limited sleep the night before meant that I was fairly sleepy, thus meaning calmness was retained. Thankfully no adrenalin kicked in.
At 2.30pm I was asked to change into my outfit for the afternoon. Of course I've captured this for you!
Photo no.498 - c'est chic!
The worst bit of waiting was at 3pm, as you're just waiting to be called. Luckily I only had to wait 15 minutes before a nurse came in to chaperone me down. This is the hardest bit, having a goodbye hug and kiss with DW, much harder for him than me. It's good that you're literally given a minute to do this. It's so true that it's always harder for the person left behind. This applies to many situations in life. I also think it was easier for me not knowing the nurse who was walking me down to theatre. Chit chat kicked in! The anaesthetic room here was much larger than the one I had been in back in February. Although I could see the dreaded double doors in front of me and hear the beeps from theatres, they were a further away, which for whatever reason provided some comfort. Of course I had had magic cream applied to my hand before I came down. Good job I did as it still blimin well hurt even with this on!!! I seemed to be hooked up to various machines all the while being talked to by the team to distract me. I saw the anaesthetist wheel over a machine with 2 giant syringes in it - one looked like it contained milk and the other was clear. Ok, time to crack on...ouch! The hand that had the cannula in it began to really sting, as in really frickin hurt, but within a few seconds I started to feel groggy and then must have fallen asleep as the next thing I can remember is waking up in the recovery room.
On waking up this time, I didn't have the uncertain feeling of whether it had happened or not. Being in this room, I definitely knew that it was over. Bizarre really. Then came the most popular question that I was asked for the next 36 hours...how would you rate your pain on a score of 1-10? This is actually a lot harder to answer than you think. I felt groggy and just wanted to sleep so didn't really feel any pain. However, I remember wise words from Charlie Hamilton about keeping on top of pain relief from the start so I punted for around 5/6. Apparently they had asked me earlier and I had said 6/7 but have absolutely no recollection of saying this! Due to me saying around 5/6 more doses of a certain drug, the name escapes me were injected in. It felt like I was in the recovery room for a lifetime. All I wanted to do was see DW to let him know that I was ok. Then a familiar face came in and it was Fiona. The message was good, the operation had gone as well as she hoped for, no complications. Excellent! Phew!
Finally a nurse came down from the ward to take me back to my room. At first I wasn't sure about Beth, but it turns out she was annoyed with the team in the recovery room plying me with more and more of the pain relief. Her view was that they should have stopped around 50/60mg rather than giving me 200mg, as clearly this drug was having little effect for me. I, on the other hand was just pleased to be going back to my room, as it was approaching 9pm. Aside from a bit of discomfort the only thing that was uncomfortable were the oxygen tubes in my nose. Still there to help!
Outside the door, I could hear Kim and DW chatting. They were there. My room was quite difficult to navigate with the bed, so it took a few manoeuvres to get to the right spot. Thankfully, I didn't have to change beds. I looked up to see this guy smiling at me...
Photo no.499 - that's Mr. Potato Head to you!
Yep, DW had done it again. Found the perfect wake up to gift! I was feeling fine just a bit tired and groggy. Again, it must be so much harder for the loved ones who see you in the immediate post op state. As clearly one is not looking one's best! ; ) However, the tears came out. Tears of relief to be back in my room. It was done. The emotion really took over in a way I hadn't expected but better to let it out. Big thank you to Kim for distracting DW and taking him for dinner and keeping him sane whilst I was in recovery...the worst waiting bit as far as I can understand. Also, a big thank you to everyone that texted DW to see how we were both doing. This means a lot.
The other beautiful thing in my room was a stunning bouquet from Dan and Britta. Thanks so much, it was such a lovely thought and it definitely brightened up my room.
Photo no.500 - a lovely bunch!
So recovery mode time. Every 15 minutes my blood pressure and temperature were taken, this continued well into the night and eventually changed to every 30 minutes then every hour. Bizarrely I still wasn't hungry but was told I need to drink some water. Thankfully I didn't feel queasy so I managed to drink quite a bit of the lovely h20 and it had never tasted better! A little while later I was asked if I would like anything to eat. I say asked but it was a bit of a you need to eat something in order to get more pain relief! So good old fashioned tea and toast was ordered. It was amazing!!! Dinner at 10.30pm! Due to the pain relief given in the recovery room I was finally allowed a small dose of oral morphine as well. This seemed to give the desired effects and I felt really relaxed. Kim left shortly after I finished my supper. Thanks so much petal for staying so long, we really, really appreciated it!xxx
The rest of the night seemed like a blur, with observations, some snippets of sleep and a 2am feast of more toast. Beth was amazing and it was great to have her looking after me. At one stage I asked for more pillows as I realised the one I had wasn't giving much support...Beth and Jackie appeared with many pillows and worked some magic and I was in pillow heaven...and I'm fussy when it comes to pillows! ; ) Beth did comment that after 5 years of training, all I wanted was pillows! But you know, it's often the little things that make the biggest difference. DW had decided to sleep on the recliner chair in my room that night. I will be eternally grateful that he stayed with me that night, as it was so comforting knowing that he was just at the end of my bed. Love you so much darling.xxx
So technically phase 2 of treatment was done...but a bit like a chemo session I knew it would be a little while before this sunk in for me. In fact, it's over 3 weeks later and for whatever reason it still hasn't sunk in for me. I wonder if it ever will.
Tuesday 12th August
Song of the day (LH): Budapest - George Ezra
Song of the day (VW): Ribbon - Billie Marten
I was woken up for breakfast, while DW snoozed in the recliner. The main reason for waking me up was so that I could get into the pain killer relief cycle. As you all know ibuprofen needs food to line the stomach, so I had to eat before this could be taken. I must say I wasn't feel tip top this morning. Partly due to lack of sleep and partly being in some pain. Caroline, one of the consultants came in to check on me shortly after breakfast. I managed to eat a big breakfast, so clearly my appetite hadn't been lost! She was happy with the way everything was looking and said I was able to go home that day if I wanted to. At this point in the morning I really didn't feel ready. We decided that she'd come back later that morning to decide my exit plan.
In the meantime, Carmelita got me up to have my first strip wash...so I sat on a seat in the bath whilst she helped me wash. Oh yep, just roll with it. The great thing was that I could get the brown tape dressing wet so it was good to be able to have a shower without taking too much care. Clearly it was a speedy one and not the most relaxing but I felt so refreshed afterwards, especially as it had been pretty chilly!!!
Gwynedd popped in to say hello and nonchalantly made a profound statement. Yesterday you had breast cancer. Today you don't. Wow. I couldn't take it in. Though the other person in the room, DW definitely had and it looked like a massive weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Phase 2 of the fight...I hate using that word....the treadmill...the process...well whatever the heck you know what I mean was done it seemed.
Kate, the physio also came in to run through the various exercises I should start doing, so of course I gave those a bash! Not bad for less than 12 hours after surgery.
B popped in again for a massive hug and brought with her good news...she didn't need to have anymore chemo sessions! Hurrah! An auspicious day for us both!
Caroline came back to talk exit...I still wasn't sure what to do. I had had a few texts with a couple of people who had said why not stay. In the end Caroline made the call for me to stay. I think, you know when you're ready to go home and pretty much can't wait to out of that place and I wasn't quite there yet. So the plan was to stay!
As the day progressed, I was feeling better and better. DW popped out for some lunch and a walk along the Kings Road. In the meantime, I enjoyed a cuppa and one or two of these beauties courtesy of Kim!
I was woken up for breakfast, while DW snoozed in the recliner. The main reason for waking me up was so that I could get into the pain killer relief cycle. As you all know ibuprofen needs food to line the stomach, so I had to eat before this could be taken. I must say I wasn't feel tip top this morning. Partly due to lack of sleep and partly being in some pain. Caroline, one of the consultants came in to check on me shortly after breakfast. I managed to eat a big breakfast, so clearly my appetite hadn't been lost! She was happy with the way everything was looking and said I was able to go home that day if I wanted to. At this point in the morning I really didn't feel ready. We decided that she'd come back later that morning to decide my exit plan.
In the meantime, Carmelita got me up to have my first strip wash...so I sat on a seat in the bath whilst she helped me wash. Oh yep, just roll with it. The great thing was that I could get the brown tape dressing wet so it was good to be able to have a shower without taking too much care. Clearly it was a speedy one and not the most relaxing but I felt so refreshed afterwards, especially as it had been pretty chilly!!!
Gwynedd popped in to say hello and nonchalantly made a profound statement. Yesterday you had breast cancer. Today you don't. Wow. I couldn't take it in. Though the other person in the room, DW definitely had and it looked like a massive weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Phase 2 of the fight...I hate using that word....the treadmill...the process...well whatever the heck you know what I mean was done it seemed.
Kate, the physio also came in to run through the various exercises I should start doing, so of course I gave those a bash! Not bad for less than 12 hours after surgery.
B popped in again for a massive hug and brought with her good news...she didn't need to have anymore chemo sessions! Hurrah! An auspicious day for us both!
Caroline came back to talk exit...I still wasn't sure what to do. I had had a few texts with a couple of people who had said why not stay. In the end Caroline made the call for me to stay. I think, you know when you're ready to go home and pretty much can't wait to out of that place and I wasn't quite there yet. So the plan was to stay!
As the day progressed, I was feeling better and better. DW popped out for some lunch and a walk along the Kings Road. In the meantime, I enjoyed a cuppa and one or two of these beauties courtesy of Kim!
Photo no.501 - mmn macaroons!!! Liquorice and coffee....I know some of you may turn your nose up at these flavours but they're my favourites!
DVT is something that I was repeatedly told to be aware of. So later that afternoon when my energy levels had perked up, no doubt from my macaroon consumption, DW and I went on a walk...firstly around the hospital grounds and then we escaped and took a walk around the gardens adjacent to St Luke's church. It felt good to get some exercise and some fresh air. When we got back we went and sat on the terrace. It was a lovely evening. DW wanted to play tennis and there was no reason why he shouldn't as two of my favourite ladies were coming to see me that evening. As he left my dinner was served at the early o'clock time of 6pm. I ate outside on my own. I hate eating on my own. I don't know why. It's fine if I'm in a rush and even breakfast and lunch are fine but there's something about dinner that I want/need company for. Carmelita came out and chatted to me for a bit, delivering some pain relief as well. The pain it had to be said was settling and really was more discomfort than pain but still better to keep on top of it!
Shortly after, Kim and Emily arrived with many lovely things in tow with them...in particular these beautiful flowers.
Photo no.502 - floral fancies!
Fiona popped in to check on me around 8pm. This woman is incredible and I have the utmost respect for her. After a quick breast check and a run through of some questions from me, I finally got the opportunity to mention (remember to mention!) to her that it was all thanks to B that I had come to see her. The tables then turned and she said that she knew someone I knew...it would be unfair to name the person but it turns out a good friend of mine from school was now working with Fiona and had been in theatre that day. It goes to show what a small world it is. Despite that person having seen many people unconscious, it must have still been a shock to have seen someone you know be wheeled in. A little while later that evening he came in to say hello, it was wonderful to see another friendly face and have a quick catch up with him.
Then it was a good couple of hours of natter with the lovely ladies! A huge thank you both for coming, I really, really appreciated it. Big love to you both.xxx
DW returned and stayed for a bit to put me to bed then he left to sleep in actual bed! Shortly after he left, my left leg started to feel a bit strange. I still had the highly attractive thigh length stockings on, so Beth came in and allowed me to take them off for a bit to see if that helped. She also got another nurse to come in and check for signs of DVT. We all concluded I was fine and so after a bit of white stocking rest bite, I donned a new pair of new length ones! Nice! ; )
DVT is something that I was repeatedly told to be aware of. So later that afternoon when my energy levels had perked up, no doubt from my macaroon consumption, DW and I went on a walk...firstly around the hospital grounds and then we escaped and took a walk around the gardens adjacent to St Luke's church. It felt good to get some exercise and some fresh air. When we got back we went and sat on the terrace. It was a lovely evening. DW wanted to play tennis and there was no reason why he shouldn't as two of my favourite ladies were coming to see me that evening. As he left my dinner was served at the early o'clock time of 6pm. I ate outside on my own. I hate eating on my own. I don't know why. It's fine if I'm in a rush and even breakfast and lunch are fine but there's something about dinner that I want/need company for. Carmelita came out and chatted to me for a bit, delivering some pain relief as well. The pain it had to be said was settling and really was more discomfort than pain but still better to keep on top of it!
Shortly after, Kim and Emily arrived with many lovely things in tow with them...in particular these beautiful flowers.
Photo no.502 - floral fancies!
Fiona popped in to check on me around 8pm. This woman is incredible and I have the utmost respect for her. After a quick breast check and a run through of some questions from me, I finally got the opportunity to mention (remember to mention!) to her that it was all thanks to B that I had come to see her. The tables then turned and she said that she knew someone I knew...it would be unfair to name the person but it turns out a good friend of mine from school was now working with Fiona and had been in theatre that day. It goes to show what a small world it is. Despite that person having seen many people unconscious, it must have still been a shock to have seen someone you know be wheeled in. A little while later that evening he came in to say hello, it was wonderful to see another friendly face and have a quick catch up with him.
Then it was a good couple of hours of natter with the lovely ladies! A huge thank you both for coming, I really, really appreciated it. Big love to you both.xxx
DW returned and stayed for a bit to put me to bed then he left to sleep in actual bed! Shortly after he left, my left leg started to feel a bit strange. I still had the highly attractive thigh length stockings on, so Beth came in and allowed me to take them off for a bit to see if that helped. She also got another nurse to come in and check for signs of DVT. We all concluded I was fine and so after a bit of white stocking rest bite, I donned a new pair of new length ones! Nice! ; )
Wednesday 13th August
Song of the day (LH): Come into my life - Joyce Sims
It had taken a while for me to nod off to sleep the previous evening but I was sound asleep when I got woken around 7am for the first painkiller dose of the day. So sleepy that I wasn't bothered about taking them but as Beth advised best to keep on top of them! Down the hatch then! Beth and I ended up having quite a long chat, it was interesting to hear her views on chemotherapy and treatment in general. I am so thankful for having her help me on those two nights, it made all the difference.
I then had a few visitors pop in, firstly Fiona and whilst she was there Caroline came in to check on me as well. Having had a good night controlled by oral pain relief, I definitely felt fine to head home. Did I have any last questions before Fiona went? You will laugh at this...but the only thing I could think of was to have someone to reassure me that my right boob was fine. The left boob naturally is discussed frequently but the right boob has had no mention. I guess the philosophy no news is good news but still it would be good to know that the current state of play of that boob is my baseline for reference!!! So Fiona left this in Caroline's capable hands. The scans confirmed that it was all fine but over the last 6 months, I've found it better to ask the question however silly it may feel if it gives the all important reassurance. Caroline showed me how to examine my breast. Perhaps all girls past puberty should be taught this. We're all told to be breast aware but what does this really mean?
Breakfast arrived and so did Gwynedd to say hello! The care I received over these 48 hours was excellent and I feel completely humble and privileged to have been in such a fantastic hospital.
Time to get ready to go home, as Welinder taxis were on their way. Maggie and Lars had driven for two days over from Sweden. Having arrived on the Tuesday evening they then very kindly offered to come and pick. So shower time, but you're on your own today lady! I was surprised at how much movement I had and so it felt good to be back in control of such a simple thing, though it did take quite a bit longer than normal. We packed up my things and then the cavalry arrived to take my bags down to the car. Complete service!!! Carmelita came in to say goodbye with a few tears in her eyes, she had been amazing as well! The other person who I have to mention is Caesar. Who's famous phrase of 'Is it?" will be forever embedded in mine and DW's conversations!
So we left the Marsden in extremely positive spirits. In the early days of treatment Miss P had said to leave the cancer at the hospital and get on with life outside of it. This time we literally did.
Photo no.503 - breast protection - time to go home!
Arriving home it was time to unpack, yep I completely went OTT on how much I needed to take with me, and have some lunch. DW called ask if some flowers had arrived from his company but there wasn't a note through the door, so we assumed not. However, after a while Maggie suddenly suggested looking outside the front door. Now this may be an overly simple suggestion for those of you who have yet to come to Welinder HQ, but we never use our front door as our garage is at the back of our house. So I opened the door and found this stunning bouquet to the side...not exactly in a safe place as had been suggested by the courier but nonetheless they were there!!!
Photo no.504 - simply wonderful from the TJB crew! Thank you!x
On nurse Lars' instructions I went to rest and settled down to watch The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, thanks to the lovely Kim sending me the DVD. An excellent afternoon movie. For those of you who have read the book, the film is a bit unsettling at first as the plot is quite different so almost you're better off thinking of it as a story in its own right. Of course there was some time for snoozing before the doorbell rang and Ces was there with some recuperation reading material, Grazia and Hello!, and some cheery sunflowers, my favourites!
Photo no.505 - all things bright and beautiful - thanks Rob and Ces! xxx
Nurse Lars and I took a stroll before dinner to get the blood flowing. I really appreciate these walks as they definitely revitalise me. For dinner that evening, chef Maggie was on the case! My parents were invited over as well for a welcome home dinner. By 9pm, I was definitely ready for some relax time on the sofa. Overall, it had been a good day. Good to be home and it seemed that the pain was under control. Physio exercises done before bed and then it was time to sleep with many pillows!!!
Whilst it had been a good day for me, it had been an extremely sad day for one of my oldest friends, as she had had to say goodbye to a friend who had passed away having desperately fought against leukaemia. Events such as this cannot be reasoned with. These things seem so unjust. I believe for those in good health we need to treasure it and the loved ones in our lives. There would have potentially have been only one wish for that young woman. To be healthy so that she could see her family grow up. Enjoy today as you never know what tomorrow may bring.
Thursday 14th August
Song of the day (LH): Something good can work - Two Door Cinema Club
Song of the day (VW): Boom, boom - John Lee Hooker
'Woke up, got of out of bed - dragged a comb across my head' - well not quite perhaps! Though I was feeling pretty darn good as I had managed over 10 hours of continuous sleep. Oh yeah! My movement seemed to be improving each day, so the painful physio was paying off. Physio is tricky as it's really down to you to do it but when you're feeling tired or know it's going to hurt then it can be hard. Still determination wins out and you just have to crack on with it.
Overall it was a quiet day. Nurse Lars took me for an afternoon constitutional around the local nature reserve. Although it's fairly residential either side of it we saw a fairly large deer run past us. Quite magical. Aside from that the day consisted of rest, physio and dinner prepared by the in house chef! Plus a visit from a friendly face who got to see my champion sized bruise on my right arm! For all that had happened to the left side of me, it was where the port had been removed that had left the biggest but pain free mark.
Overall it was a quiet day. Nurse Lars took me for an afternoon constitutional around the local nature reserve. Although it's fairly residential either side of it we saw a fairly large deer run past us. Quite magical. Aside from that the day consisted of rest, physio and dinner prepared by the in house chef! Plus a visit from a friendly face who got to see my champion sized bruise on my right arm! For all that had happened to the left side of me, it was where the port had been removed that had left the biggest but pain free mark.
Friday 15th August
Song of the day (LH): Boom shake the room - DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince
Song of the day (VW): Shake it out (acoustic version) - Florence & The Machine
I was so tired on waking up this morning, as overnight I had had patched of feeling really uncomfortable. That's the good thing, in that it's never been pain just discomfort. Despite being told I could get the brown tape wet I was still hesitant about this. So my showering plan was lower half only in the shower and then a basin wash for the top half. This seemed to work though took quite a bit more time! One thing I've failed to mention so far that peeking out of the brown tape from beginning was my own nipple. It had been saved! I think seeing the familiarity of it has meant that mentally I've never felt that I've lost my original boob. The skin is the same as the underside has literally been scraped, so it means I've still got some of the blue due in it from February. The sensation was strange as it felt like an iron hand holding my boob. No way was it going to move! ; )
Lars and Maggie drove me up to the Marsden (thank you!) for a physio appointment and a quick catch up with Gwynedd to check everything was looking fine before the weekend. Gwynedd had emailed me the previous day to say that she had booked me an appointment with Kate (physio), so that we could start work on the cording that had reappeared. I was so grateful for her pro-activeness on this. Often throughout this journey though support is thereI find you need to be the one pushing for it. So it was refreshing to have someone else doing this for me. Kate was pleased with my progress so far but stressed not to overdo the exercises and to not lift my arm above shoulder height. The exercises that I had been given seemed simpler than the ones from PMH, so in cohorts with Gwynedd we agreed I should start doing a bit more. The new goal was to ensure that I could get my arm in the right position for radiotherapy.
Going into the outpatients clinic to wait to see Gwynedd, I saw a familiar friendly face. It was B! It was so lovely to see her again. It looks like we will both potentially finish our treatment plans around the same time. So there will definitely be a celebration at that point!
In a room of doom (see early day posts), Gwynedd had a look at my new boob. Overall she felt it was looking good so no need to worry over the weekend! Ok! And phew....As with most new things in life you never know what things should feel or look like, so the reassurance has become big in my life. I think the childlike questions of what, how etc come back into play. Often they are the most important ones so keep asking them!
My appointments finished a lot earlier than expected. I had arrange to meet Lars and Maggie at the hospital before going to get some lunch. Every time they have have been over in the past few months they've not had a chance to really do anything for themselves, so I didn't want to interrupt their time. A few weeks previously I had spied a lovely looking cafe a few minutes down the road from the Marsden so I decided to take myself there. It's called L'eto and it's similar to Ottolenghi's cafes...ie. lots of large plates filled with yummy looking food!
Photo no.506 - a vision of yumminess!
As I was about to leave I saw Maggie and Lars walk past, so I called out...realising that I might be in a bit of trouble for breaking free! ; )
We walked down to the Kings Road and had a quick lunch at Ca'puccino. It's a place that I've often walked past and not gone inside. I'd definitely go back as it was great. Plus in summer they've got a large outside seating area so it's great to watch the world go by. As a thank you to my chauffeur I bought dessert at Amorino, which was opposite. Nurse Lars is a big fan of ice cream and I think this place offers some of the best gelato in town!
Photo no.507 - one man and his ice cream!
Arriving home, my orders for the remainder of the day were to rest and that's exactly what I did.
Photo no.508 - thank you Home BU for a bunch of sunshine!
Dinner that evening was at the McFarlane residence, so chef Maggie got a night off from duty!
Lars and Maggie drove me up to the Marsden (thank you!) for a physio appointment and a quick catch up with Gwynedd to check everything was looking fine before the weekend. Gwynedd had emailed me the previous day to say that she had booked me an appointment with Kate (physio), so that we could start work on the cording that had reappeared. I was so grateful for her pro-activeness on this. Often throughout this journey though support is thereI find you need to be the one pushing for it. So it was refreshing to have someone else doing this for me. Kate was pleased with my progress so far but stressed not to overdo the exercises and to not lift my arm above shoulder height. The exercises that I had been given seemed simpler than the ones from PMH, so in cohorts with Gwynedd we agreed I should start doing a bit more. The new goal was to ensure that I could get my arm in the right position for radiotherapy.
Going into the outpatients clinic to wait to see Gwynedd, I saw a familiar friendly face. It was B! It was so lovely to see her again. It looks like we will both potentially finish our treatment plans around the same time. So there will definitely be a celebration at that point!
In a room of doom (see early day posts), Gwynedd had a look at my new boob. Overall she felt it was looking good so no need to worry over the weekend! Ok! And phew....As with most new things in life you never know what things should feel or look like, so the reassurance has become big in my life. I think the childlike questions of what, how etc come back into play. Often they are the most important ones so keep asking them!
My appointments finished a lot earlier than expected. I had arrange to meet Lars and Maggie at the hospital before going to get some lunch. Every time they have have been over in the past few months they've not had a chance to really do anything for themselves, so I didn't want to interrupt their time. A few weeks previously I had spied a lovely looking cafe a few minutes down the road from the Marsden so I decided to take myself there. It's called L'eto and it's similar to Ottolenghi's cafes...ie. lots of large plates filled with yummy looking food!
Photo no.506 - a vision of yumminess!
As I was about to leave I saw Maggie and Lars walk past, so I called out...realising that I might be in a bit of trouble for breaking free! ; )
We walked down to the Kings Road and had a quick lunch at Ca'puccino. It's a place that I've often walked past and not gone inside. I'd definitely go back as it was great. Plus in summer they've got a large outside seating area so it's great to watch the world go by. As a thank you to my chauffeur I bought dessert at Amorino, which was opposite. Nurse Lars is a big fan of ice cream and I think this place offers some of the best gelato in town!
Photo no.507 - one man and his ice cream!
Arriving home, my orders for the remainder of the day were to rest and that's exactly what I did.
Photo no.508 - thank you Home BU for a bunch of sunshine!
Dinner that evening was at the McFarlane residence, so chef Maggie got a night off from duty!
Saturday 16th August
Song of the day (LH): Dance - Lemar
Song of the day (VW): Don't wanna dance - Mø
It seems that my start to the day is a slow one in terms of getting ready and mentally waking up. I guess that's allowed all things considered! This morning hairdresser DW was on call as it was hair wash time. Thankfully only having a smattering of hair made this task a whole heap easier than back in February when DW had to contend with a full head of hair. It's still an area on his development plan, but hey focus on your strengths! ; )
The four of us took a walk along the tow path from Boulter's lock to Cookham. It's simply stunning whatever time of the year you go. In summer it's particularly lovely with lots of activity on the river. Our goal was to reach the Odney club for some lunch, as we had left a car there. I guess you may think it strange doing a 3 mile walk so soon after surgery but it felt so good to be the river and taking in the scenery and fresh air.
I had started to feel a bit sad today. I don't know why. Tiredness perhaps. Or perhaps relief kicking in of things progressing well. Who knows. One thing that was bizarre was that the bruising had passed down my body on the left side so that half of my pubic region (you know this is an access all areas story!), was completely bruised. So weird! My new boob had also started to tighten up, probably the pec muscle realising it was in a new position that it hadn't got comfortable in yet.
As a thank you to the Welinder Snrs, DW cooked and I prepared a farewell supper!
Photo no.509 - Monkfish & chorizo kebabs, bbq'd asparagus and baby gem.
It seems that my start to the day is a slow one in terms of getting ready and mentally waking up. I guess that's allowed all things considered! This morning hairdresser DW was on call as it was hair wash time. Thankfully only having a smattering of hair made this task a whole heap easier than back in February when DW had to contend with a full head of hair. It's still an area on his development plan, but hey focus on your strengths! ; )
The four of us took a walk along the tow path from Boulter's lock to Cookham. It's simply stunning whatever time of the year you go. In summer it's particularly lovely with lots of activity on the river. Our goal was to reach the Odney club for some lunch, as we had left a car there. I guess you may think it strange doing a 3 mile walk so soon after surgery but it felt so good to be the river and taking in the scenery and fresh air.
I had started to feel a bit sad today. I don't know why. Tiredness perhaps. Or perhaps relief kicking in of things progressing well. Who knows. One thing that was bizarre was that the bruising had passed down my body on the left side so that half of my pubic region (you know this is an access all areas story!), was completely bruised. So weird! My new boob had also started to tighten up, probably the pec muscle realising it was in a new position that it hadn't got comfortable in yet.
As a thank you to the Welinder Snrs, DW cooked and I prepared a farewell supper!
Photo no.509 - Monkfish & chorizo kebabs, bbq'd asparagus and baby gem.
Photo no.510 - Accompanied by a good Spanish white.
Sunday 17th August
Song of the day (LH): Feeling good - George Michael
Song of the day (VW): 212 - Azealia Banks
I was woken up by a cheeky DW keen to get to Chiswick for brunch with the delightful Kim. It was the only thing on my agenda for the day but I was super tired so it felt like an ordeal. Plus it was pouring down, which gave even more reason to stay indoors! Still as with everything on this journey, DW knows when and when not to push me. Today was a when. So move your ass VW!!!
After brunch we had a stroll around Chiswck and then headed home. Of course Sunday night supper was on the agenda...and for the first time ever it was a DW solo effort as I fell asleep for a couple of hours when we got back! During this time DW also did two loads of laundry...a true domestic god! I'm so lucky to have someone like him, who quietly does all of this with no moaning and lets me just be. I am one very lucky lady and yes I do cherish it.
Photo no.511 - DW's Sunday night supper debut - Sausage braise with cherry tomatoes & basil.
It was really good and it's true, it tastes even better when someone has made it for you. Thanks DW!xxx
Photo no.512 - a ghost
You may think the photo above a little odd. I guess it is. The reason for it is that I caught my reflection in the window. The iPhone camera was unable to capture this but I wanted to capture the emotion. I felt like I was looking at a ghost of me. Scary actually and unnerving. I guess aside from a couple of times a day I don't see the impact that treatment has had on me. This caught me off guard and vulnerable.
Overall, it had been a good week post surgery. I had been much more mobile than people around me had predicted. From perspective I hadn't really known what to expect so just went with what my body was telling me. Thanks to everyone who spent time with me, sent texts to DW and I and for the many, many beautiful flowers that were sent! Amazing! Particular thanks to Kim for keeping DW company during my surgery and for visiting on both evenings, to Emily for coming on hospital evening number 2, to Fiona MacNeil and the incredible Marsden team, to the Welinder snrs for chauffeuring, cooking and nursing, to my parents and most for all to DW for always being there.
Surgical tales week 1 - over and out. xxx
I was woken up by a cheeky DW keen to get to Chiswick for brunch with the delightful Kim. It was the only thing on my agenda for the day but I was super tired so it felt like an ordeal. Plus it was pouring down, which gave even more reason to stay indoors! Still as with everything on this journey, DW knows when and when not to push me. Today was a when. So move your ass VW!!!
After brunch we had a stroll around Chiswck and then headed home. Of course Sunday night supper was on the agenda...and for the first time ever it was a DW solo effort as I fell asleep for a couple of hours when we got back! During this time DW also did two loads of laundry...a true domestic god! I'm so lucky to have someone like him, who quietly does all of this with no moaning and lets me just be. I am one very lucky lady and yes I do cherish it.
Photo no.511 - DW's Sunday night supper debut - Sausage braise with cherry tomatoes & basil.
It was really good and it's true, it tastes even better when someone has made it for you. Thanks DW!xxx
Photo no.512 - a ghost
You may think the photo above a little odd. I guess it is. The reason for it is that I caught my reflection in the window. The iPhone camera was unable to capture this but I wanted to capture the emotion. I felt like I was looking at a ghost of me. Scary actually and unnerving. I guess aside from a couple of times a day I don't see the impact that treatment has had on me. This caught me off guard and vulnerable.
Overall, it had been a good week post surgery. I had been much more mobile than people around me had predicted. From perspective I hadn't really known what to expect so just went with what my body was telling me. Thanks to everyone who spent time with me, sent texts to DW and I and for the many, many beautiful flowers that were sent! Amazing! Particular thanks to Kim for keeping DW company during my surgery and for visiting on both evenings, to Emily for coming on hospital evening number 2, to Fiona MacNeil and the incredible Marsden team, to the Welinder snrs for chauffeuring, cooking and nursing, to my parents and most for all to DW for always being there.
Surgical tales week 1 - over and out. xxx
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