Song of the day (LH): Paradise Circus - Massive Attack
Song of the day (VW): Can't stop - Red Hot Chilli Peppers
Arriving at the Royal Berkshire Cancer centre this morning, my head was filled with the how the hell did I get here questions? I had not been here since February where I had some radioactive dye injected into me. Though I still have the lovely blue hue on my skin. It was extremely weird going back here, where some of the start of the journey had had happened. I still find a lot of what's happened this year very surreal, perhaps that's why Wonderland was so pertinent to the title of my blog at it's inception. Deep breath, go in, it won't be that bad.
I had been asked to arrive 30 minutes early and thankfully being given a first thing appointment, it meant no car parking dramas. After signing a consent form, I had time to read the many MacMillan leaflets that were located in the waiting area. For anyone going through radiotherapy, I would really recommend the MacMillan leaflet. To me it seemed the most informative...2 words that jumped out of the page to me were curative treatment...is that what I'm having. Yes, it turns out, that fortunately I am.
A slightly nervous radiographer called Lewis, came to meet me and once again ran through the risks of the treatment. Perhaps the conversation should have started with the fact that although there are some risks, hopefully this will eradicate this b*tch of a disease and you can get on with your life. Still you can't have everything.
Post chat I was asked to change into the usual blue dressing gown and then go into the CT scanning room. It was freezing in there, so I need to remember to take some gloves with me for actual treatment for comfort. Various bit of tape and pen marks were put on me with two radiographers cross checking each measurement. Then through the polo mint shaped scanner I went for a couple of minutes. Radiotherapy it seems is a precision game. I found out that my first treatment would be on 2nd October. It seemed a while away but apparently the CT images had to be sent to a physicist then to my oncologist and onto a few others before the exact treatment details could be confirmed. So it made sense.
Tattoos. Love or hate them. I've never been a fan, partly due to to the pain of getting one done and partly as they never seem to look great as the skin ages. Just my little old opinion. However, today I was having to have tattoos done. Four in fact. There was no booklet on offer allowing me to choose a shape, Chinese symbol or colour. Instead I was having four black pen dot size tattoos. The reason for these is that the radiographers can line me up in the exact same position for each of my 15 treatments. In essence it was 4 injections of black ink and I'm sure if I didn't point them out to you, you'd never notice. One of them I feel is particularly intrusive to my body but it's a small price to pay. I felt a bit like a jail bird, permanently marked for life but in this case for something that I didn't do. Honest sir!
After getting changed I was free to go. Another step achieved.
I had a bit of time at home before I needed to leave to go to the Haven for my first mind body therapy treatment. It's something that I've wanted to do for months yet have had to postpone it several times due to chemo. So today was the day. I was feeling that my energy levels weren't high enough going into it but as it turned out that didn't matter. This was potentially the best 90 minutes of a counselling type session that I've ever had. It included the future me talking to the current me and taking a very emotional journey reliving some wounds from the past. I left feeling completing cleansed and emotionally shattered. For anyone who is interested in this type of thing here's the link to Gosia's website for more information:
http://www.my-successful-heart.com
Tuesday 16th September
Song of the day (LH): It feels better - Lene Riebau
Song of the day (VW): May it be - Enya
A great sleep....aaah....followed by a wonderful yoga session. Today yoga was set to Enya, hence my song choice of the day. Annet was so sweet as she said she had chosen Enya as it had reminded her of me when she was listening to it. Very kind words and it made the yoga session all the more enjoyable with this tranquil music in the background.
I decided I needed a Jane visit just to have a quick boob check pre flying on Thursday. I'm so lucky that they will always make time to see me. It's so great to catch up with either Jane and chat through how I'm feeling physically and emotionally, as this time is starting to feel a bit lonely. I'm grateful for everyone around me so it's not lonely in that sense more to do with adjusting back into 'normal' life.
A bit later than planned I headed into work and spent a couple of hours there. It's tricky knowing what to start and get involved with, due to radiotherapy on the horizon. Still, it's nice to go in and have some shape to my day if nothing else.
Arriving home, I realised I still had some blue and yellow balloons in the car from Saturday's scandi party. It seemed a shame to pop them, so I rang my neighbours doorbell and gave them to two very happy looking little boys...'balloons'! It's amazing how something so simple can bring so much joy! It was an absolute delight to see their beaming faces.
Wednesday 17th September
Song of the day (LH): U sure do - Strike
Song of the day (VW): Just a little - Liberty X
Tired, tired, tired despite sleeping, sleeping, sleeping!
I was starting to feel a tad apprehensive about flying away for the weekend. It will of course be fine but it seems a big step being away from the medical security blanket that has been built around me....time to start breaking free!
Thursday 18th September
Song of the day (LH): Everybody's gotta learn sometimes - Beck
Song of the day (VW): The river of dreams - Billy Joel
Up later than planned, so it was a rush to find flight socks, something that I've been advised to wear on all flights from now on, and pick up a few other essentials before packing and fleeing off to the airport! I arrived super early for my flight as I had to drop the beloved Fiat 500 back by 1pm. I've not been this early for a flight but despite the manic morning it was nice to have some time to wander around the terminal, picking up a couple of purchases (!) before I met DW for lunch in the lounge, a special treat for the way out. One of the purchases was an eyebrow pencil. I hadn't really given much thought to my lack of eyebrows until someone at work mentioned how different people look without them. It suddenly made me realise that perhaps I should do something. So with the aid of the lovely lady at the mac counter my eyebrows were somewhat restored!
Photo no.584 - a lounge lunching lady!
; ) Afternoon tea was served on board with lemon and date scones, which were incredible. One to go on the baking list!
The Welinder chauffeur service greeted us at Göteborg airport. It was great to be welcomed by smiling faces. We then drove down to Haverdal for our weekend stay. After a light dinner, DW and I went for a walk. The first thing that always hits me when I come here is how fresh the air is and also the wonderful smell of it being so fresh. No pollution, just nature and on occasion a bit too much nature when seaweed is in the air! The stars were shining so brightly and were mesmerising to look at. Despite feeling a little nervous about being away from my medical security blanket I was started to feel relaxed and knew a good sleep was on the cards.
Friday 19th September
Song of the day (LH): Don't stop me - Queen (repeat!)
Song of the day (VW): Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - Abba
I heard DW get up so though I should do the same...I looked at my clock and thought it was a tad early for holiday but then thought that the phone hadn't moved to european time...it turns out it had and DW had got confused we were up an hour earlier than planned....argh but good to have an extra hour!
First job on the cards was to head into the local town, Halmstad, to go to the wine shop to buy some fine wines for our hosts. In Sweden, you can only buy alcohol over a certain alcohol percentage from state alcohol shops, Systembolaget. Coming from the UK this is a strange concept in that alcohol is almost too freely available but the advantage of it is that all alcohol in here is bought by the state so it's excellent value for money. As it was a Friday morning we knew it was going to be busy with people buying their weekend supplies!!!
As the sun was shining we couldn't resist a stop to Riccardo's for an ice cream. It's on a farm surrounded by spectacular country side, so it's always worthwhile a visit. The other reason for going is to see the funniest Shetland pony I've ever seen. His tail is the size of a standard horse but on a tiny pony it's ridiculous!
Photo no.585 - hej ponny!
Photo no.586 - DW has a chat with his favourite pony!
Less than fives minutes from Welinder Haverdal HQ is a spectacularly sandy beach. Flip flops were donned and we headed to the beach. Beaches in Sweden are natural on the whole. No ice cream vans, donkey rides or other commercial activities...they're simply a place to walk, relax and listening to the sea. It's our ultimate escape from everyday life and we love it here anytime of the year. The beach is surrounded by sand dunes which make excellent places to have a snooze or a spot of meditation...
Photo no.587 - sandy beach...
Photo no.588 - yep, this is Sweden!
Photo no.589 - hjälp!!!
Photo no.590 - sunny Swedish beach
The Welinder Snrs had kindly agreed to host a dinner with the Rosengren's that evening. It was a wonderful evening with good food, company and lots and lots of laughter. Så trevligt att träffas, förhoppningsvis se er snart igen!
With the stars shining brightly again, we took a walk after dinner to walk off the delicious food we had had and take in the sounds of the sea and the fresh air. A great day!
Saturday 20th September
Song of the day (LH): Breathe me - Sia
Song of the day (VW): Call me - Blondie
Mmn maybe a little too much wine....water at the ready!!! We took a drive around some of the areas with houses by the beach. The architecture is so varied here and there always seems to be new houses popping up so it's interesting to drive by the sea and see what's changed. We took another long walk by the sea. The water here is much warmer than the sea on the British south coast, due to the gulf stream. It was lovely to see people of all ages in the water...next year for me!!!
Photo no.591 - beach walkers!
This evening we were treated to dinner in a typically Swedish inn. Maggie had researched somewhere to go and we had a typically Swedish dinner. To start...
Photo no.592 - Toast Skagen
Followed by...
Photo no.593 - Duck with a mushroom sauce & rösti potato
Photo no.594 - baked apples with marzipan and vanilla sauce
A lovely dinner and though I'm not a lover of duck, I really enjoyed it! Tack så mycket!
Sunday 21st September
Song of the day (LH): Flash - Joan as police woman
Song of the day (VW): Don't leave me this way - The Communards
I'm feeling that I'm starting to lose some of the tiredness that has bound me up for the last few weeks. I guess the right combination of relaxing, resting and walking is helping with this result. Phew!
One of the must have foods when I'm in Sweden is varmrökt lax. The easiest way to describe this is that it's salmon that has been smoked like mackerel. It's strange that you rarely see it here, though I'm sure it's more common perhaps in Scotland. Here in Sweden, it's served with romsås, a mayonnaise/crème fraîche, dill, red onion based sauce. Absolutely delicious!
So we went on a mission to buy the salmon and sauce! Often we go to a local smokery but it's not open on Sundays, so we opted to go to a different salmon shop! There are many! I was amazed at how busy this place was on...the queue for the cafe was coming out of the door so thankfully we were opting to get our fish to go!!!
I just had to take a photo of this....in case you need salmon 24/7 there are a few of these in the local area!
Photo no.595 - the Lax o Mat!!!
You swipe your credit card on the way in, take your salmon based items and then swipe to get out! You never have to fear about late night salmon cravings! I have to say the salmon that you eat here is absolutely incredible...so if you're ever in Sweden absolutely try it!
It wouldn't be a Sunday or a Sweden visit without a walk...today the wind had picked up and it was a lot cooler so we walked along the beach in one direction and then went through the wood on the way back. The smell of the pine trees is incredible any time of year. In the winter when these woods are covered in snow it's like walking into Narnia, especially when you're the one making the first crisp footprints into the snow...
Photo no.596 - the tree got me!
Photo no.597 - apples everywhere!
Photo no.598 - the now infamous famous varmrökt lax med römsås
Photo no.599 - a little white wine is the perfect accompaniment....Kung fu Girl from Washington State wasn't a bad choice!
Even writing this now, I'm feeling calmer from our weekend by the sea. It's our place to runaway to and it was fantastic to finally get here for the first time for this year. We always eat and drink well thanks to the Welinder Snrs. Perhaps they should start a retreat?!
Tomorrow, I need to start taking Tamoxifen when I get home. I'm feeling nervous about it and what it may bring. It's the longest of all the treatments that I need to do, 10 years...so here's looking forward to 21st September 2024 when hopefully the last pill will be popped!
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