Limbo land week 1

Monday 8th September

Song of the day (LH): Prayer in C - Lilly Wood, The Prick & Robin Schulz
Song of the day (VW): You don't know me - Armand van Helden

I feel like I'm in limbo at the moment...chemo done, surgery done and recovering well but I don't know what's happening with the next stage. Radiotherapy. The Marsden had confirmed that they would recommend radiotherapy, so I knew it would be recommended by Dr Davis. I was seeing her later this day but it had felt a long time coming. Prepping for these meetings I always find is essential to clear my mind of all the questions that have been bubbling. So I spent some time reading through the various radiotherapy leaflets that I had been given. I also wanted to chat to Dr D about Tamoxifen, as although she had prescribed it and I had picked it up the time was soon approaching to start taking it. 

I met DW at PMH and then we had a wait on our hands, Dr D was running behind...nearly 1.5 hours it turned out. There's nothing you can do but sit and wait it out. Dr D is a great character so when you get to see her all is forgiven! DW and I have been thinking about modifying our kitchen so we ended up to talking to Dr D about it as she was asking what we had been doing while we waited. She was kitchen planning as well! 

We went through my exhaustive list of questions and thoughts on radiotherapy and tamoxifen. I'll give the lady her due she definitely doesn't short change on the time she give to her patients, which is invaluable on these initial discussion meetings. Everything seemed to make sense and she agreed with the Marsden's view as to where to give radiotherapy to. Armpit you're saved though it could have been a potential benefit, as radiotherapy often eliminates hair! Oh well.

A few people have asked what radiotherapy is. Essentially it is high energy x-rays that are given over a period of time external to the affected area. In my case, I'll have 15 treatments, meaning going daily during the working week and getting the weekends off. It's another insurance policy to ensure the pesky cancer cells stay away for good...please don't come back, you're really not welcome! Here's a link for those of you who would like to know more:

http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/breast-cancer-information/treating-breast-cancer/radiotherapy

We left the meeting feeling somewhat deflated. I don't know why. It's all good news and no scary results meetings at the moment but equally energy levels are running low. I had hoped that I would start radiotherapy in September to curtail the length of limbo land but this is not to be. All being well I'll have a planning meeting before I go to Sweden, so that treatment will start shortly afterwards.Despite this flat feeling, I was starting to feel much better within myself. 

Thanks to Amy Lovell, we've got the first four series of Mad Men on DVD....so the addiction has begun! A great form of escapism.


Tuesday 9th September

Song of the day (LH): I'll be missing you - Puff Daddy feat Faith Evans
Song of the day (VW): Cannonball - Damian Rice

Happy birthday Kirsty!

Yoga to start the day...bliss. 

I had the back to school feeling today, as this afternoon I was heading into work for the first time in quite a few weeks. Knowing it would be fine still didn't help the slightly daunted feeling. Silly really as it was absolutely fine once I got out of the car! In fact, you know how it is when you've been on holiday and go back to work, it's easy to forget that you've been away in the first place. Still good to be back and to see lots of friendly faces.

A new start, a new dinner....

Photo no.550 - Chicken & bulgar wheat Waldorf salad with dill and poppy seed yoghurt

Wednesday 10th September

Song of the day (LH): Talkin' loud and saying nothing - James Brown
Song of the day (VW): Midnight city - M83

I spent most of this morning in a haze...I'm starting to understand that this feeling is actually my body saying hello I'm tired...rest, take it easy. I guess I had underestimated how tiring going into work the previous day had been. Still I was determined to go in again today, which I did. It felt good going in, something familiar though some frustrations!

That evening Mike and Jen came over for dinner as they were heading back to Seattle later in the week. It was great to see them again and have an evening filled lots of laughter...DW's über american accent is pretty darn AWESOME! We can't wait to see you guys at Christmas!!! xxx

Thursday 11th September

Song of the day (LH): Chandelier - Sia
Song of the day (VW): Lady Marmalade - Patti LaBelle

Two afternoons of work and that was enough for me this week! ; ) Well more that I had an afternoon of appointments at the Marsden and the Haven. 

I got up even though I wanted to sleep a heck of a lot more. On good days when I'm feeling spritely it's hard to head to bed at early o'clock as I know I won't be able to get to sleep but then I know I'll suffer the next day. Still I should be grateful for the spritely days in the first place!

Photo no.551 - a vibrant bloom...thanks Dad! xxx

Appointment no.1 was physio with Kate. I really like Kate and wish that I saw her all the time for my physio, as we get on well. Still I'm lucky that Diana, my physio at PMH is good too! Post physio, I treated myself to a cardamon bun from Gail's bakery and a cup of tea before hopping on the bus to the Haven. Cardamon is an underrated spice used in baking in the UK. The Swedes use it a lot so it was great to find this.

My Haven appointment was a swift follow up session with Nadia who I had met back in March. It was a practical session to go through what options I had left to use my 10 free sessions, though we soon realised that the two mind body therapy sessions I had booked would fill this up! I also mentioned that I would be interested in counselling again. It's so very true at this point in the treatment cycle that patients can feel left out in the dark. I was starting to feel this so best to let it out to someone...I'm very much looking forward to the mind body sessions, it's one of the most sought after therapies at the Haven so I can't wait to see what it offers. Watch this space!

I decided to walk back down to the Marsden as it's only a 15 minute walk and I need to do all the exercise I can at the moment. Buns and baking are not doing good things for my physique! Whereas I've been lucky to be able to get away with eating what I've wanted in the past, things are changing and this doesn't seem to be the case. Please don't sigh...it's never nice to feel uncomfortable in your own skin/ clothes. Anyway enough on this.

I waited for DW to arrive at the Marsden for the appointment with Fiona Mac. He cut it close to the wire but was still there! Again another wonderfully positive appointment. The only concern I had was that my nipple had started to invert. Massage was the answer so hopefully this will do the trick, as it had been fine for a couple of weeks post surgery. I guess things are moving around and settling into new places, so if this is the only setback then I'll take it. I said a massive thank you to Fiona and she then bounced it back and said it was a team effort with everyone at the Marsden and DW. Absolutely! Though I'm very grateful for her amazing skills. I felt truly humbled and honoured by her saying that her reward was seeing me coming back in 4 weeks post op in a cami top with it not being apparent to anyone that I had had a mastectomy. It's an absolute inspiration to spend time with Fiona Mac, as her passion and dedication are infectious. We briefly chatted about a cheeky little lift for the other boob next year...why not! : ) 

At the end of the appointment it felt strange confirming that the next appointment should be 3 months post radiotherapy, so Jan/Feb 2015....wow that seems a long way away. On the one hand absolutely brilliant as it means everything is going well, on the other it's strange not having such frequent check ins. Still all good.

DW and I both went in for massive hugs with Gwynedd as it felt sad saying goodbye...though I suspect I'll see/ speak to her a few times before Feb 2015! ; )

We left the hospital knowing we should feel elated but somehow it all felt a bit bland. I can't seem to find a better way of describing it than that. DW then headed off for a work dinner so I was flying solo...I had planned to meet a friend but knew that I should head home as I was feeling tired. As there was no food in the house, I decided I would stop via Whole Foods and grab a cheeky burrito for dinner....so, so good! Plus it meant when I got in I could just relax...


Photo no.552 - green goodness! 

Photo no.553 - big burrito! Yum!

Friday 12th September

Song of the day (LH): Unforgettable - Nat King Cole
Song of the day (VW): Everywhere - Fleetwood Mac

Happy 5th wedding anniversary to the incredible DW!

It will be no surprise to you that my song of the day choice was our first dance....there is a romantic lurking inside me! 

Photo no.554 - 12th September 2009

Photo no.555 - thanks Kim!x

Photo no.556 - D & VW 5 year montage...

We had planned to really celebrate our 5 year anniversary, pre all of this year's shenanigans but with everything that has happened we decided to go to town...literally! A night at Shoreditch House with dinner at a venue that was to be revealed by DW at some stage! Exciting!

To make the most of staying at Shoreditch House, we had a late lunch on the roof terrace, which has fantastic views over the city. Then we took a stroll around the local area. We hadn't been for a while so it was nice to stumble over new things like T2...

Photo no.557 - T2...a shop filled with everything tea related!

Photo no.558 - street life...

So I had been absolutely convinced that we were going to Sushi Samba for dinner. DW has wanted to go there for ages and the hotel was a short walk away but that was not to be. Instead we were going to Jason Atherton's relatively newly opened City Social in Tower 42. For quite a few years myself and Rob Hamilton were promised to be taken here for drinks/ dinner...it turns out that you have to complete 5 years of marriage to actually get here. It was worth the effort! ; ) The views are amazing and it was great to be there at sunset.


Photo no.559 - view #1...Gherkin

Photo no.560 - view #2... Shard

Photo no.561 - he's my cup of tea (or a whisky cocktail guised as a cuppa!)!

Photo no.562 - rhubarb and grapefruit bliss...

Photo no.563 - warm fruits of the sea, linguini and shellfish cooking juices

Photo no.564 - a good Spanish white

Photo no.565 - Newlyn line caught cod, salted cod brandade, chorizo, baby squid and squid ink aïoli

Photo no.566 - a glass of something sticky...

Photo no.567 - cheese with pear & raisin chutney (to share!)

Photo no.568 - predictable...I know!

Photo no.569 - after dinner drinks (or decaf coffee in my case!) on the roof at Shoreditch House.

A truly fantastic 5th wedding anniversary! I can't wait until next year! DW...jag älskar dig!xxx

Saturday 13th September

Song of the day (LH): Sonnentanz - Klangkarussel
Song of the day (VW): Try again - Aaliyah

Happy birthday Tom!

Brunch on the roof terrace, why not! You might be wondering where are the Shoreditch House food photos, sorry to disappoint but photography is forbidden within the club, so I felt/ DW would have confiscated my phone, that I couldn't take any (late night pic of us allowed...just!). Needless to say it was all delicious! 

After brunch and checking out we decided to take a two stop trip to Dalston and have a look. It's interesting see different neighbourhoods across London and how they've all got their own charm. 

Photo no.570 - the title says it all...

Then a walk down Brick Lane, which at the weekends is filled with lots of yummy food stalls. The smells are incredible. I stumbled across Dark Sugars today, the cocoa aroma was intoxicating...needless to say they had one called Overdose!
Photo no.571 - Dark Sugars, Brick Lane.

After walking for a while, I was shattered so we stopped for some fuel. Who could resist this?!
Photo no.572 - walnut and apple cake with maple buttercream....

I love the street art around this area...this was the view from our bedroom window in Shoreditch House.

Photo no.573

The plan for the day had been to stay in London as we were due for dinner at Ivy Crescent that evening. However, I was completely shattered so we drove home for some much needed nap time. I'm learning! ; )

Tonight's incredible event, was a scandi dinner hosted by Chez Wright-Deadman. It was an amazing gesture on their part as it was a thank you dinner for DW being so amazing this year. Seeing his face as we pulled up with the Swedish flag colour balloons outside of their house was a real delight!

Photo no.574 - Swedish beer...not for the kitty!

Photo no.575 - the sensational smörgåsbord!

Photo no.576 - Kräftor - aka crayfish

Photo no.577 - Lax - aka salmon 

Photo no.578 - Västerbottenostpaj - cheese pie made with Västerbotten cheese

Photo no.579 - crayfish party hats!

The idea for the party had come from seeing crayfish party decorations in Ikea. Late August is crayfish party season in Sweden, so as DW hadn't been all year the lovely Ivy Crescent ladies wanted to give him a taste of home. Unfortunately these have a limited lifespan in terms of being able to buy in London, so Emily and Kim found the next best hats available! 

Photo no.580 - insanely good Nigella (made by Emily) Swedish summer cake 

Photo no.581 - a Swede who had enjoyed an aquavit or few! 

An amazing evening of scandi food and a very happy DW. Thanks so much Emily for baking, poaching and dealing with the crayfish! Another fabulous Ivy Crescent evening. xxx

Sunday 14th September

Song of the day (LH): I need a girl - P.Diddy feat Usher
Song of the day (VW): Iron sky - Paolo Nutini

A morning of yoga and meditation.....bliss, though I was none too happy when the alarm went off! It was a brilliantly beautiful day and I had a stunning drive over to Parmoor where the yoga was being held. Next time I need to remember more layers, as it's always cold there, though perhaps it's a good thing as it meant I didn't doze off this time!!!

Apres yoga, we had a bimbling afternoon at home followed by a relatively short Sunday walk...a perfectly good Sunday.

I mentioned in last week's entry that we use the traditional anniversary gifts...here's mine from DW! 

Photo no.582 - a wooden wine rack

It had been a real foodie weekend so we both wanted something light for dinner. I decided upon a fish curry, you may be questioning the lightness but Madhur Jaffrey's fish curry's are all fairly light and fragrant. The perfect balance of spice. 

Photo no.583 - Sri Lankan fish curry with courgettes with cumin

Well limbo land week 1, tiredness aside you've been pretty good. A wonderful anniversary celebration, dipping my toe in the water at work and a fantastic scandi feast. Things aren't too shabby. Hair is coming back slowly in the places I want it and fast in the places I don't! Still at least it's coming back. New boob is behaving. I'm feeling slightly strange about treatment coming to an end. Though this is an absolute positive and the best I could have possibly have hoped for it's still weird, very weird. Thought of the week - time to start filling up my days so there's less reflection time and I need to stop being exhausted from doing nothing! We'll see! Over and out for this entry. xxx