Song of the day (LH): Sit down - James
Song of the day (VW): Ain't no man - Dina Carroll
A rainy October day, time to embrace and enjoy the seasonal shift. Autumn is one of my favourite seasons, the colours are incredible and it feels nice to have cosy days indoors. I'm apprehensive to say this aloud but I'm starting to feel good, really good in fact. It seems sleepy September has passed....
Due to some train issues, DW had taken the car, so my Mum came up trumps and chauffeured me to and from radiotherapy today. I hadn't seen my Mum for a week or so and wanted to see her reaction to my hair growth. As you know, this has been an area of concern for the past few weeks. I couldn't have asked for a better reaction and actually felt quite emotional..she was dumb struck and I was elated that she was so pleasantly surprised!
Time to get zapped! It was quicker today than the previous 2 occasions, a sign to come I hope. Whilst lying there in the dark, this song came on the radio...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BQLE_RrTSU
I'd hardly call this the time of my life but it did make me smile! : ) There are 2 images that I will forever remember from radiotherapy. The first being the silhouette of my new boob on one of the boards and the second is my reflection in linac machine's lens as it moves over my head. I'll try and pluck up courage to see if one of the radiographers will take the former! So the cosmic fairy dust fell from three different places and I just laid and thought of it's magical healing power! I think that's all you can do!
I'm trying to walk at least a mile a day. A mile day to keep the doctor away...well that amongst many things! The best thing about rainy autumnal days is coming home and having that feeling of hibernating.
As you may know, October is breast cancer awareness month. I've been trying to think of how I can contribute to this year's campaign. Suddenly it came to me...just ask your friends to feel their boobs. A simple message but one that can be achieved by all. No sponsorship, just a quick squeeze! So I posted the photo that you saw last week, sans wig/ headscarf and made a plea to all my friends and loved ones to feel their boobs and to pass the message on. I hope that from the likes this message got, it did spring people into the action requested. Plus a few people commented about checking other body areas....absolutely. Body awareness is key in this survival game we all too often take for granted. For me, I feel that I can only focus a request for help on one area of the body....so feel your boobs! Please! Guys too, no excuses! Thanks to the few of you who shared my post, so that the message reached even more people.xxx
Photo no.649 - DW - 'you look like santa' - gee thanks! Perhaps a happy elf! : ))
Tuesday 7th October
Song of the day (LH): Thinking about your love - Kenny Thomas
Song of the day (VW): The sound of silence - Simon & Garfunkel
Bright blue skies, crisp cool air......a perfect autumnal day, made complete with a pretty good start of some yoga. Breathe.......
Today was my first radiotherapy trip on my own. Nothing to be scared of, just the feeling of isolation but you can handle that as you're a fine, young, confident woman...well so it may seem to the outside.
Photo no.650 - the sub waiting area...more double doors...note the danger sign on the door!
Photo no.651 - all gowned up and ready to go...feeling pensive.
Today there was silence in the treatment room. The sound of silence. Hence today's song choice. I've been thinking about last week's analogy to Gravity...adding to this, there is a feeling of weightlessness as the bed I'm laid on is rotated into the different positions so it seems as if you're floating...and no, I'm not taking any sedatives! : )
So solo session done. Off to work then for you my lass! Despite, starting to feel much better, I forget how much energy is required being at work. It really does take it out of me. I know it's early days, so it's important to honour and acknowledge this. Baby steps back VW.
Tonight's dinner was pretty darn good....though Mr Able you are solely responsible for the amount of cheese consumed.....
Photo no.652 - Broccoli Rarebit (avec chestnut mushrooms)
The cheese sauce required cider and it is one of the best cheese sauces that I've ever tasted. In reality, this was more like fondue with broccoli...here's the recipe should you feel indulgent!
I skipped the walnuts, as I'm not really a fan and it was more fat! Mr Able, you're meant to be providing me with healthy dinners.....tomorrow then!
My fellow diner this evening was the ever wonderful Kim. It was so lovely to see her as we hadn't seen each other for a couple of weeks, which is a long time in our world!
Photo no.653 - a beautiful bunch from a beautiful girl...thanks Kim!
Wednesday 8th October
Song of the day (LH): Don't leave me this way - Thelma Houston
Song of the day (VW): Feel - Robbie Williams
A big, fat wobble day. Emotions were running high today. Tears were a plenty. Cause....some tiredness....and some other things...loneliness...realisation...isolation...Oh yeah and slipping on the sheet the guy installing our alarm had laid, meaning my whole body fell onto a tiled floor onto my left side. I just wanted to lie there and cry but of course the survivor in me got straight up and said I was fine...fine is such a strange word. What does it really mean? A vanilla word. Neither good or bad.
I'm not quite sure why I was feeling so alone. It wasn't company that I was craving, there must be something going on on the inside. Just let the energy flow.....
Still radiotherapy #5 done....1/3 of the way through. Today I had a check up with the skin specialist. It was pretty uneventful as my skin was faring well (hurrah!) and emotions aside I was feeling fine. One thing that was confirmed today was that I'll be needing to do my physio exercises forever. To be honest I didn't need someone to tell me this, since I've been doing them routinely since February but still sometimes it's just not what you need to hear. I asked the specialist how she potentially thought my skin may get on...she linked it to how well you fare in the sun...being milky white not so great...this conflicted with information that the Janes had mentioned in that they had had cases of darker skins having severe reactions...so you know what, I'll keep thinking the cosmic fairy dust is falling on me and remain positive.
I was a working girl this afternoon...no I've not decided to operate in the red light district, just a few hours at Waitrose HQ. Does that sound even worse. Whatever...I went to work.
That evening, I went to a yoga session with Rachel. Davinder was taking the class, so a familiar face, though I wasn't sure how I was going to do, as at the start of the session she said it was a strong class....mmn....but you know what there were things I could do and things I couldn't but overall I really, really enjoyed it and it made me feel a whole heap better.
So not the best day but at least I had a day...tomorrow can only be better. Right!
Thursday 9th October
Song of the day (LH): Tom's Diner - DNA
Song of the day (VW): Luka - Suzanne Vega
Music man and I are in sync!
I spent the morning hibernating under a blanket...mañana, mañana...was definitely the philosophy of the morning...then it was go, go, go, as I realised I was going to be late!
Zapping was fine today, another done...on the final countdown! Today's main accomplishment was getting you Wonderland up to date. It's taken a while and at times it's felt like a battle in it's own right but we're now bang up to date! Hurrah!
Tonight's dinner...Super Wheatberry with roasted carrots and salmon...here goes
Photo no.654 - purple carrots to be roasted with garlic and cumin seeds
Photo no.655 - perfect pomegranate...
Photo no.656 - ta-dah!
The tricky part of this dish was trying to track down the super wheatberry. As the recipe originated from a recent M&S publication I tried there but no one had heard of it. Then I tried Waitrose but no luck either. So in the end I went for a mix of grains which seemed to look like the photo! A great dinner...I was going to give you the link but alas I can't find it on the M&S website. If you're interested...ask me!
I'd been wondering why my shoulder had been hurting all day. Then I remembered my mighty fall yesterday, no wonder! I fell on it! Still good to realise it was that and not radiotherapy related. I asked DW tonight to have a closer inspection of my hair to see what colour it is...his answer...grey. This was not the answer I was looking for. In fact, bar a few genuine grey hairs, it's looking a dull dark colour...void of any of the lovely pigment I had before. Here's hoping this is just first growth and that the pigment will come back. Please!!!
I'm hesitant to write the next bit for fear of being shot down but it needs to be said, so that you can understand other elements of what I've been experiencing. I'm feeling really fat. Fatty, fat, fat, fat! Knowing I've gone over the weight that I had hoped not too is pretty annoying. I don't feel that I'm really eating that much more and my baked goods consumption has severely dwindled, which is good. So it seems less cheesy dinners and a bit more exercise is required to get this back in check. I know, give yourself a break.....breaks aren't to be had when you feel uncomfortable in many of your clothes. So we'll see where this goes...one of the few things I want to go down!
Friday 10th October
Song of the day (LH): Abracadabra - Steve Miller Band
Song of the day (VW): The Joker - Steve Miller Band
A rather non eventful Friday, which I guess you could say is a good thing! I saw Diana this week for physio and we decided that for the moment I can manage the cording myself...so another thing signed off. Good, good.
I checked in on Jane as I had a couple of questions. One was whether I should have a flu jab this winter. I've never previously had one but having seen posters advertising this here, there and everywhere, I thought I should ask the question. Good news! My immune system should be pretty much back to normal so my call. Hmm...pros and cons either way but you know what my body has had enough stuff put into it this year, so I think I'll take my chances.
Now...you're going to laugh considering all that was said yesterday regarding being a fatty. Tonight I went to Pizza Express for dinner...I've been craving specifically a Pizza Express pizza for weeks...so tonight was the night. My date..the wonderful Kim! I did however, maintain my no alcohol state, which is hard as really what I also wanted was a nice glass of red to accompany my dinner...New food regime from Monday, as I knew what was happening tomorrow!
Saturday 11th October
Song of the day (LH): Your latest trick - Dire Straits
Song of the day (VW): Hotel California - Eagles
Blissful Saturday morning lie in...thank you!
As a birthday gift to the lovely Laura Deutsch, I took her for afternoon tea at Orange Pekoe in Barnes. It's one the best places in my opinion, particularly for tea, as there is a 20 page menu of various teas you can have, which will be brewed to perfection. I went for a Milky Oolong, which worked perfectly with the teatime treats on offer!
Photo no.657 - tea for 2!
The other great thing about this afternoon tea, is the sandwiches. Usually this is my least favourite part of an afternoon tea but here you're offered mint & cucumber, smoked salmon & dill, cheese & chutney, ham & mustard (no thanks!) and egg mayo (no thanks!). Laura went for pear & chocolate cake for her sweet element, whilst I chose a coffee and walnut macaroon which was sublime. Overall an excellent tea with lots of good chat! Thanks to Mr Deutsch who looked after the Deutsch Jnrs to allow Laura to come! I think it was appreciated!xxx
After we finished tea, Laura headed back to relieve Ally. DW and I decided to take a walk along the Thames. The stretch from Barnes to Putney is beautiful, particularly considering you're in the city. It was especially good today with the autumnal colours and warm sunshine. Absolutely flawless...
Photo no.658 - sunset over the Thames
This year has been all about getting through the various hurdles that have been presented to us. Now treatment is thankfully nearly over, I'm realising that I'm always going to have permanent scars and reminders of this year. You could say that they're lucky reminders of events that have saved my life but clearly they're here to stay......
Sunday 12th October
Song of the day (LH): And I am telling you I'm not going - Jennifer Hudson
Song of the day (VW): Make it with you - Bread
Once a month, I'm aiming to go to a yoga and meditation morning to give my body and mind time out. They're at St Katharine's in Parmoor, which is a serene and beautiful setting. This morning, we got to try Davinder's infamous green juice...it's a blend of many different superfoods...it was very green and thankfully due to Davinder's expert blending, it didn't taste too bad! The idea of the juice is to ensure the body receives all the nutrients it requires but also to alkalise the body. Apparently, if you're body is in an alkaline state, disease can't take hold...so something to potentially start doing each day.
By the time we got to the meditation section I was feeling super relaxed and yep, the inevitable dozing occurred...oops! Hopefully my mind and body were subconsciously taking things on board. : )
As I had an abundance of kale, I had decided to make some soup for lunch. I think I'm a slow cook as it always seems to take me much longer than the recipe says...nevermind it's the outcome that counts...it was ok....still lunch was made for the start of the week, so hopefully it will get better with age!!!
After lunch I felt absolutely exhausted. I went and hibernated on the sofa under a blanket and this is where I stayed for the remainder of the afternoon. No Sunday walk...boo! This was consoled by the fact that we had had a good walk the day before..still no Sunday is complete without a stroll somewhere. There was no getting in the way of my snuggling on the sofa. I just didn't want to move and I couldn't seem to warm up. Perhaps I was fighting something. All the while it was good hearing the gentle sound of rain outside.
So on a day like today, there is only one thing to have for dinner....
Photo no.659 - sausage and roasted tomato bake
As with Friday night, a cheeky glass of red would have been delightful but instead I stuck to a non alcoholic beer...not long to go!!!
So there we go. Another week of the treatment treadmill done. The pace is slowing down, for which we're both extremely grateful for. So are we starting to come out of Wonderland and heading towards entering through the looking glass? Let's see what next week holds...fingers crossed no sunburn!
Love, peace and joy to you all!
xxx
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