Love is in the air - Deutsch style!

Friday 14th February
Something I've been meaning to capture is how other people's reactions to my news made me feel. The best analogy I've come up with is planning a wedding. At the centre of it is the betrothed couple with everyone wishing them well. But.....everyone also has an opinion and you soon start to realise it's often about what other people want..your parents will have a view, so will your partner's, friends will make certain requests and there will be the odd dietary requirements thrown into the mix...so that what started out as being about the two of you often ends up being pulled in many various directions. 

Anyway, back to the story so to speak. The previous weekend I had been in touch the lovely Laura trying to fix a date to meet up ahead of mini Deutsch no.2's arrival. We settled on Valentine's day in that neither of us thought we'd be whisked away to Paris and that the love between Daniel and Ally is so strong that it felt appropriate! So Valentine's evening in West Norwood it was! As always the evening was filled with music (the classics rolled out...Abba/ Tina) and laughter. No Tina Turner dance this evening sadly...to explain, Ally has taught both Daniel and I not one but two life skills....the After Eight challenge and also if you tightly wrap a pillow case around your thighs you can strut like Tina. I have video footage of Daniel doing this and it remains one the funniest things I've ever seen. A good evening to put your troubles behind you.

(D - Olive you!xxx)

Saturday 15th February
I had certainly made a new friend in Abigail Deutsch the previous evening, as I was greeted with her warm smile this morning, lovely way to start the day!

From this day on, I decided to start taking a photo of myself to form the basis of this blog.  So here is photo no.1 - Daniel discovered Chez Stephan in Putney while we were still living there. It's a fantastic place to get your hair cut, listen to jazz and learn something about French wine. I had felt apprehensive about getting my hair cut, knowing what was coming up but Benoit is a great hairdresser and always cuts and styles my hair well, so I came out with a confidence boost! The post hair cut tradition (yes Daniel and I go together) is now to head to Tried & True for brunch..it's amazing and I would thoroughly recommend it.

Photo no.2 - we all have times when a drink is needed...the Conran shop had put up several of these with different treats inside from some dutch courage to chocolate to spa products. All of them very welcome!

That evening Leonie (Wonechen) and Phil came over for a sausage supper. Again an evening filled with love, laughter and the official third meeting of the international cheese club that Daniel and Phil started early in January 2013....I think there will need to be more frequent meetings in 2014!!!

Back to reality....post Lisbon week

Tuesday 11th February

In order to not spoil my last Lisbon post, I omitted the fact that once we arrived home late on the Monday night we were greeted to a freezing cold house....yep, the boiler had decided to stop. Brilliant! Dull talk but I had been meaning to get a British Gas insurance in case this happened and had kept putting it off, more fool me! Thankfully an engineer came the same day to rectify the issue but this meant leaving work at midday to wait until they came. This wasn't something I relished, as the time I had spent on my had been the times where I felt the saddest. However, this afternoon ended up being a good one as taking a tea break, I got to meet Maddy Regan for the first time at only just over a week old. Super cute! Well done Glenn and Rachel you are amazing parents! Thankfully the boiler also decided to play ball and got going again (though subsequently decided to break down a further 5 times before an engineer came who actually found the fault and fixed it rather than the previous 2 engineers who had made me out to the idiot!).

Wednesday 12th February

Lee Homer; friend of the stars, ambassador of all brands and man of the people/ monarchy - huge thank you for keeping sane for this morning. The reason was that at 14.15 I had my follow up at the Parapet clinic.....for the biopsy results. The weather was terrible and that area was particularly affected by the floods so I was hugely relieved when I met Daniel so I knew we could face the appointment together. We then had an agonising 1.15 hour wait as the clinic running behind. We managed to work our way through the latest copies of In Style and Red before we were called through to the next waiting area. Walking into the consultant's room, everything seemed grey. So grey. As anticipated the previous week's prognosis was confirmed with embellishment...words such a grade 2 were said. I was then examined and mentioned around whether I should have found the lump sooner.....'Park it'. Two words that I now keep telling myself when I toy with this question...'You found it, you're here and we will treat it'. Yes boss!!! The only other thing I can recall of this meeting with Miss Predolac was that the lymph node biopsy had come back clear but that they were still concerned around the way they looked from the previous scans. So more tests were needed. I had hoped to have come out of this meeting with a treatment plan, perhaps a rather naive perspective, but having another week of tests felt rather frustrating. Martina accompanied us in this meeting and then took us to a different 'room of doom'...more green furniture and tissues. She explained that the tests were required to fully understand what treatment plan was needed for me. We then discussed likely treatment plans, as I/ we wanted to get a grasp on this. In my mind, I had reconciled with having a mastectomy and radiography..bing, bang, boom back to normality. It was at this meeting that chemotherapy was first mentioned as being a likely option. Bam - hit to the face....really? Why? Long term health preservation...something I didn't got to grips with until the wonderful Ces put it into context for me. Returning home after this hospital appointment was bizarre. It was confirmed, I officially had breast cancer. I didn't really cry this day, though the following day I felt as if I had spent the whole of the previous day in tears...I guess they must have been internal ones.

As with the evening after the first visit to the Parapet, we spent the evening with close friends, Rob and Ces, and saw Harrison take some wobbly early steps. Big thanks guys....your endless support is thoroughly appreciated and we will happily come over for more fish pie!!!

The story so far.....Lisbon weekend - day 4!

Monday 10th February

Last day in Lisbon....neither of us wanted to go home....

My street!

Tram driver V! 

Beautiful letter box...what this photo doesn't capture is that a moment later I slid in some dog poop and thankfully regained balance so falling was avoided! The things we do for a photo!

The city of jazz...

Arriving at the airport, reality started to check in as soon as dropped our bags. 

Lisboa we will be back as you have a very special place in our hearts.

The story so far....Lisbon weekend - day 3!

Sunday 9th February

It's not to say that we didn't talk about the thing that decided to hijack our year....we did constantly on and off but it helped being in different surroundings.

Sunday was a wet and windy day but we decided to venture outside of the city and visit Sintra.

Classic couple shot!

Someone not enjoying the steep slopes of Sintra.....

Mmn a half eaten queijada - a Sintra speciality.

Our hotel loved giving my nightwear this treatment....Daniel is continuing this tradition now we're back. It makes me smile every time he does it.

Grape & Bites...a perfect end to a wonderful Sunday...complete with bongos and booze! 

The story so far....Lisbon weekend - day 2!

Saturday 8th February

A walk around Alfama....

After 1.5 hours of walking....I have a grumpy Daniel on my hands...quick find a cafe!

No trip to Lisbon would be complete without some tram porn (right Kim?!), particularly a funicular.

As we all know, I love pizza - Luzzo's pizzas were incredible and fun to order by tablet. 

Last but not least a late night jazz session at Hot Clube de Portgual.

The story so far.....Lisbon weekend - day 1!

Friday 7th February
Lisboa day 1 - some marvellous memories

Shower time being my only time alone...meant my brain was whirring...what's a girl to do put put disco tunes on and have a dance in the shower! No pic available!!!

A good mantra to hold onto.....

Coffee from the best place in town for pastel de nata.

One of the best restaurants we've ever been to....thanks Clube de Journalistas for the impromptu 6 course dinner!

Some fantastic wine from the Lisbon area...worked with fish and meat. Excellent choice!

Missing the last tram, we walked past a Fado bar with this sign....needless to say as with everywhere in Lisbon we were warmly welcomed in but instead we walked the city back to our hotel. Next time, I'm in Lisbon I'll be heading here.

The story so far......part two

Wednesday 5th February
Ok...so what do I do today stay at home and have endless time to think about the previous day/ wallow on the sofa or head into work and be around many wonderful people and have a normal Wednesday? I decided the latter was going to keep my positivity levels up so headed to work on my usual commute. As we were going away the next day, I called my mum to ask her to buy me some medical stuff - nothing serious. My mum seemed more upbeat but then I found out that my dad hadn't gone to work....why?....because of the impact of the news that I had had to deliver to them the previous night. It was at this point it really hit me the severe impact that this news would have on so many people around me. I was mentally focussed on being positive and needed everyone around me to be super positive and smiling....perhaps too selfish a view but with hindsight I can now understand why he was feeling this way. 
Arriving into work, I was met by the world's most amazing chocolate fudge cake as promised by Debbie (who will be named and shamed as part of the weight gain group of bakers!)! The work day passed in a blur, mainly with me updating people receiving hugs, tears and smiles from many friendly faces. I left work with some apprehension, as I was going to meet my parents at my house for the first time since I had told them the news. We all put a brave face on. I think my mum at this stage wasn't ready to accept the prognosis as she was keen to wait for the biopsy results but facing into this early was important for me, so I found myself being extremely strong minded and saying that I had accepted so I thought she needed to as well...this was hard but in a way acceptance coming early has helped with the receiving of various pieces of news. I've not felt angry or the 'why me', which I know Daniel is constantly battling with. My view is that, it has happened so I need to focus on getting better and kicking this thing.
Huge hugs and a cup of tea later my parents left and so it was packing time! 

Thursday 6th February
One of the things I have been pondering with is what should a boob feel like? I can't recall when going through puberty anyone telling me what a boob should feel like. I can remember the teenage sex talks, anti abortion groups coming into school, period discussions but absolutely nothing about boobs. Subsequently, talking to friends they've all said the same thing and generally have only touched a friend's boob if they've had a boob job. Perhaps a perk of a same sex relationship to have a reference point! One friend thought her boobs felt like a bag of sand...mine are so small so I can sort of understand her point but not completely. To this point, I found myself in the sample cupboard at work catching up with two of my closest work colleagues saying how I believe we should be generating more awareness for girls going through puberty. One of my colleagues then asked to feel my lump.....many of you may think this is slightly strange but actually I was happy to offer this 'opportunity', though it would have been hilarious if one of the few males in our team had walked in!!! I guess as with boobs, lumps vary but at least it's a base to go from.
I left the office late afternoon to head home for some last minute packing and dancing in the kitchen to Lisa Stansfield (thanks Lee Homer!). The taxi journey to the airport for whatever reason felt really surreal. It almost felt like I was leaving the cancer at home for the weekend. I was focussed on Daniel and I having an amazing weekend away as we had originally planned. A dream journey through Heathrow terminal 3 (terminal 5 is still preferred!), some make up purchases (of course!) and a cosy flight later, we arrived in Lisbon. Driving through the city to our hotel, I felt like I had arrived home and could finally breathe.