Happy birthday Sharon!
Song of the day: Baby can I hold you - Tracy Chapman
Hello, hello! I'm feeling wonderland-esque as I write this entry so forgive me if I become too introspective or melancholy at times.
Up and at them for a bank holiday Monday! Woohoo for bank holidays particularly sunny ones! Everyone seemed so full of cheer after a weekend of sunshine. Amazing!
A pretty uneventful day but this is exactly what we planned. My parents popped in with our laundry having being diligently ironed (fantastic - thank you!), then I food shopped and came back to clean the kitchen...it stank, I mean really stank of the delicious fish from the night before. So all the bottles by the hob had to be cleaned, the cooker hood filters had to be cleaned and the whole general area. Doors and windows were opened and candles were burned to try and get rid of the smell.....thankfully it's now gone nearly a week later! Still it had been a good dinner. ; )
We took at a walk along the river from Remenham into Henley and picnicked by the moorings. It's so lovely, particularly if you go later to avoid the bank holiday crowds. Bliss.
As you can tell we're avid BBQ-ers. I think this stems from living in flats in London with no outside space, making BBQ at home still very exciting! So here's what we had...
Photo no.160: Bank holiday BBQ - asparagus with olive oil & balsamic vinegar (best quality of both you can afford...it will make a difference)
Photo no.161: BBQ Chicken, corn on the cob with the legendary Greek salad. The chicken was marinated using a recipe from waitrose.com - Griddled Chicken with Lemon and Garlic Couscous (a great dish in itself).
After dinner we decided to sit outside (me with several layers) by the BBQ and enjoy the evening. Our neighbours probably think we're crazy but we often do this after a BBQ as it's so relaxing sitting by the fire and letting your thoughts just flow...and DW will have a cognac/ whisky to hand (instead of clothing layers!). Wonderful times
Photo no.162: post BBQ selfie...lighting not quite right!
I had also made a decision, albeit one that I keep thinking I'll change my mind on but...I believe I won't use the cold cap for the next chemo round. Yes, I've got a bit of hair on the back of my head to save but there's little on top and in reality I'm going to have to start from the lowest base point....so cold cap out...well at the point in time of writing this. We'll see how I feel tomorrow morning when I'm in hospital.
Tuesday 6th May
Song of the day: Love on the rocks - Neil Diamond.....it has to be said I'm not that keen on this choice but...the Homer hit factory has given be strict orders not to EVER diss the Diamond. Enough said!
My sore throat was feeling so much better but I decided to still check in with the GP. I always feel unsure whether to go or not as I don't want to seem as if I'm wasting their time. This time I met the only GP I hadn't met at the practice...the boss! As with all of the doctors at this practice, Dr H took the time to check in with seeing how I was doing overall rather than just the issue in hand. Absolutely brilliant, though sometimes I don't want to go through everything but hey I can't complain the surgery is amazing. The verdict was to finish the antibiotic course and not start a new one. Good, good! I also mentioned the reason why I had been noted as allergic to penicillin. The interesting news is that if you had this put on your notes as a child you can take a blood test as an adult to see if this is still the case. Very useful in my case, as when I'm getting poorly in between chemo cycles (fingers crossed those bugs will calm down now as we're heading into summer!), I think penicillin would be the #1 drug of choice...so we'll see what the results say but it could be useful for you.
I had a good day at work, long in fact for chemo regime working 11.30-18.00! ; ) This was mainly due to IT systems conspiring against me so I couldn't log into the work network from home so had to head into the office...which I didn't mind it's just parking can be a challenge...thankfully post bank holiday this was not too bad!
Photo no.163: even on a rainy day beauty can be found everywhere...
Inspired by the overripe bananas in our fruit bowl, I decided to bake some banana bread. Although I don't bake very often, it's really therapeutic. I do however need to bake a different recipe as otherwise you're going to be bored of hearing about banana bread baking, unless you're a recipient!!! : ))
For whatever reason I started feel really lonely later this evening. I did a course later this week which described needing clown remedy....covering up how you're actually feeling on the inside. Generally I'm feeling positive inside and out but I guess there are times when then inside doesn't reflect the outside, which in turn often transpires me into be a grouchy grump to DW...this is what happened this evening. Sorry DW. Earlier that evening I had been thinking we're a cracking team with simple things like I load the dishwasher, he empties it..by 11pm this had done a 360 and I felt he wasn't doing enough etc. Completely irrational and practically impossible to describe my frustrations as they didn't have any founding that I could vocalise. You're not invalid VW, get over yourself! I also was resenting doing my physio exercises, even though the cording has pretty much disappeared I'm now moving into the phase of trying to prevent lymphoedema. Only 25% of cases actually get it, so I have to think I'll be in the 75% camp that won't but equally I want to do as much as I can just in case... What have I learnt from this evening's feelings....I was tired. More sleep required! Noted.
Wednesday 7th May
Song of the day (VW): You're so vain - Carly Simon
Song of the day (LH): The man - Aloe Blacc
I could not resist my song choice for today...especially for you Homer hit factory! I just hope you didn't choke too hard on your special k!!
I felt so tired this morning and pretty low...I know it's ok to have a bloody wobble but I don't like the feelings wobbles bring. I had received a couple of really thoughtful emails that morning, which had set some tears off...big, fat, juicy tears. I know crying is cathartic and part of the healing process. I also know there is no shame in it. I just don't want to be doing it. Regardless of like or hate, the morning was spent in a melancholic state, only masking it when my mum dropped of the laundry and when our cleaners Val and Morris popped it. Though the study door was kept closed so I could let the negative energy out.
Time for work! That should bring me out of this!!! Which of course after a couple of hours with the fabulous DG I was feeling a whole heap better...thank you. GC you also contributed heavily to the pick up as well! I decided to stay at work a bit later as DW was seeing Joan, so it meant I could finish a brief that I had been working on. The late night office Waitrose crew is great, though bad for the waistline!!!
Wanting a good supper I prepared a deconstructed Jamie 15 minute meal chicken tikka salad as I knew we wouldn't be eating dinner until 21.30, so it was a great late night dinner. Despite my tiredness during the dinner I felt so much better after dinner and an episode of Rev.
Photo no.164: no, I didn't drink a bottle of wine...this is just a reminder to let you know how good Portuguese white wines are...there's a lot more to discover than Vinho Verde!
Thursday 8th May
Song of the day: Love like this - Faith Evans
A tired bee....I dropped DW off at the train station and went back to bed fully clothed for an hour. And just when you think I've been given enough to play with my period started (sorry chaps!)....well I thought the perk of chemo was no periods but nope it seems that body still wants to play in this field!
The only downside of the blissful extra hour in bed was that I needed to rush to get ready to Davinder. Still I made it pretty much on time. On the way there I wasn't really sure what I had to talk about. But you know me, of course I managed to fill the time. Afterwards I had good phone debrief with DW, I find it helpful to do it straight after to connect with him. Next time I see Davinder we're doing a yoga/ meditation session...I can't wait!!!
Another good afternoon at work, particularly as I had that good sense of achievement of sending out a brief for comment...we'll see what happens when I go back!!! ; ) Lovely to have a proper catch up with the delightful Anna B and a good late night chinwag with Sarah B!
The extra hour of sleep had definitely perked me up all day. With that in mind and knowing the following day was going to be a long one I decided that I should let DW walk to the station in the morning so that I could focus on sleeping...afterall I needed to drive him home after this birthday dinner!
Photo no.165: two blackbirds singing on our garage...
Photo no.166: the clown at play!
Omg! Hideous period pain just before bed...why does it always hit when you want to sleep...another reason to sleep in longer in the morning. Thankfully after a contribution to my system by mr paracetamol I fell asleep...but seriously give me a break!!!
Friday 9th May
Song of the day: 59th Street Bridge Song (Feeling Groovy) - Simon & Garfunkel
I hazily heard DW leave the house but fell back to sleep in an instant and got up at 9am. I felt a million times better for the extra sleep. Keep reminding me that this is the key to avoiding wobbles (which I know are ok!!!).
Good morning evil period pains, please leave me alone...you're not welcome. They didn't get the hint until mr paracetamol and mrs ibuprofen did some intervening!!!
The morning was spent with a bit of working and bit of blogging and then I rushed to get ready as I had some lovely therapies planned that afternoon at the Haven. Thankfully the traffic behaved itself and I managed to park relatively easily so I was only a couple of minutes late for my first therapy...Bach Flower remedies. You're probably most familiar with their product called Rescue Remedy, which can often be seen on work desks across the UK. The season consisted of having a chat with Ros around how I've been feeling and how this compared to pre diagnosis. The result is that she recommends a blend of flower remedies, each one with a specific goal. Here's my blend -
Agrimony - the 'clown remedy' for those who hide their feelings behind a cheerful mask
Impatiens - to prevent the explosion of feelings/ frustrations
Rockwater - for those who are the hardest task masters on themselves
Scleranthus - the balancer - balance my time with other commitments
I find these sessions absolutely fascinating. The sceptic in me is not sure what impact this will have but hey I've got nothing to lose so why not give it a go!
I found myself with 2 hours until my next appointment. I had a lunch venue in mind, which meant having a leisurely walk through Parsons Green. What's not to like, especially some browsing in Nomad Books.
Photo no.166: this made me smile...
Photo no.167: for those of you who are Friends fans...'my sandwich'!!!
It's rare that I have time to myself without a defined purpose. But this afternoon was one such occasion. My session with Ros had spurred some thoughts inside me about allowing myself just time to be and think...things I rarely do but clearly need to. My mind where to a place of what do I want from life. Short answer. To be happy. In reality can any of us truly say we are happy, sure there are moments and I'm thankful that most of the time I feel happy and grateful for each day. But what is true happiness and how can this be achieved. Questions such as what do we truly want to do and be spring to mind? No social pressures, no money pressures, no external prejudices, just think back to when you were 5...what did you want to be? My browsing in the book shop made me think that this must be a nice way to spend the day, reading, recommending books and the fact that it had a cafe in it made it have a social aspect. People from the neighbouring shops were popping in for catch ups. The familiarity was charming and intoxicating...I hope this book shop is still there in 100 years time. Kim this one's for us but perhaps in a different location without SW6 rental prices!
Is happiness £££ or sharing experiences? What makes me happy? Noticing the small things such as the bird prints in the concrete, pleasing other people, good food, good wine...everyone's got a story...are you on the treadmill of life or willing to go off piste?
Do I know anyone who is truly happy? I mean happy and not content. Though contentment can be perceived as just taking things for what they are and not pushing ahead...there is something calming about contentment. Think of moments of true happiness for you...they may be yet to come.
My summary on this....be content with the present not thinking about the future or what may be but still keep on dreaming
Photo no.168: I'm not sure what the mistake is! ; )
Back to the Haven, via Whole Foods for my favourite juice...Tropical Greens (kale, spinach, apple, mango and pineapple)...mmmm!!!
Time for reflexology. I had thought I might giggle through this as my feet are ticklish but actually I had a thoroughly relaxing hour. Apparently this is the only treatment that touches every single part of your body with each part of your feet representing different areas of your body. After an hour of this I wanted to find a sofa and have a nap, as it was so delightful but no such luck, I was heading to Hyde Park Corner to pick up the birthday boy!!! I would thoroughly recommend this treatment though...so if you're offered it then go for it!
Photo no.169: a beautiful tube station
I had time to get ready in the toilets at DW's office...it's the world's swankiest office complete with the internal fuselage of a private jet. If you're in the market for a jet let me know...I'm sure we can do a deal! ; )
I had time for a cheeky tea before it was time to head off to Hawksmoor for meat!!!
The plan for evening...have a celebratory birthday dinner for DW with Ces/ Rob and Eoin! Awesome!
Photo no.170: kick off to the evening...
Photo no.171: someone's happy with an Old Fashioned!
Photo no.172: a handy diagram to work out what cut of meat to have!
Photo no.173: the D-Rump!
Photo no.174: a very happy man with his meat!
What can I say? It was a wonderful evening being around people so dear to us. And of course the food was fantastic...enhanced by a Portuguese red (of course!)...I have to recall this moment...DW was taking to the sommelier around which wine to choose and it was taking some time...then Eoin suddenly had a moment where basically if he didn't get a glass of wine within the next 10 seconds he was going to explode! Hilariously the wine chosen the was the one I had selected so no need for the dialogue aside from keeping Eoin from his wine, which clearly is not, repeat not a good idea! Although I'm leading a decaf lifestyle, I opted for a caffeinated coffee to ensure I stayed awake on the M4...being the driver this was pretty important!!! I'm not a fan of salted caramel...I know it's the chocolate to have but I'm just not sold...We were all stuffed, Rob particularly from the meat feast so opted out of desserts but I always like something sweet at the end of dinner so ordered the salted caramel rolos..yes rolos...as in who would you give your last one to? They were divine! So although I'm still hesitant about sodium chloride in my chocolate this was a great end to a perfect evening! I even got the Maidenhead dwellers home in one piece as well! xxx
Saturday 10th May
Song of the day (VW): Proud Mary - Tina & Ike Turner
Song of the day (LH): Cherish - Kool & The Gang
Buzzing from the evening before, it was late to bed (2am), partly perhaps due to the coffee! So I had been looking forward to a good lie in but 8.20 was the number that presented itself on my alarm clock and I could not, even though I tried to, get back to sleep. Reluctantly an hour later I got up leaving DW to sleep. Although annoyed I felt pretty relaxed and it gave me some quality Saturday morning TV time..quality in the relaxing sense not in the viewing! Bring it on Saturday!
DW got a good lie, much deserved, with minimal hangover signs. So after a late breakfast we drove up to Marylebone. Usually I try to avoid parking charges by parking further away to get free parking but today was full of heavy April showers so we parked just off Marylebone High Street. It's so beautiful around there and full of lovely places to eat...The Natural Kitchen is one of my favourites for a great sandwich...give it a go. The plan for the afternoon was birthday gift shopping for my brother and a bit covertly for DW...no more on this topic for now!
Selfridges is full of inspiration....not that I can buy many of the things on offer but it's a dymanic environment and there's always something new to see.
Photo no.175: perhaps I'll be brave enough to pose for such a pic......
Photo no.176: you tell them my lady!
Photo no.177: these things always look better than they taste but I couldn't resist taking this pic...and no before you ask I didn't buy it!!!
Photo no.178: a library of chocolate.....yes please!!!
We had a lovely couple of hours just mooching around, avoiding rain showers and holding hands...nice.
On May 14th, my brother will turn the big 30! He he!!! So as a celebration we were having a family dinner together to recognise this! It transpires that my parents, Luke and Natalie had been to a point to point (horse racing) event that afternoon and had had a great time but had got thoroughly drenched and so were busy warming up when we arrived! It was a fun evening as always, topped off with watching the Eurovision results...congratulations Conchita! Ally Deutsch....next year, we're all yours!
Photo no.179: Happy 30th birthday to my little bro!
Sunday 11th May
Song of the day courtesy of Felicity: Groove is in the house - Deee-Lite
Song of the day (LH): Wicked game - Chris Isaak
Song of the day (VW): Woman w-o-m-a-n - Peggy Lee
Huge congratulations Nicky Ford for completing the Moonwalk in 7 hours...an amazing feat, especially as you must have walked through gales and downpours! You're one determined lady and no doubt you'll have been celebrating and sleeping today! Amazing!!!xxx
Having gone to bed at a more respectable time last night, I managed a lie in until midday!!! Whoop, whoop! Though it has to be said that I've felt tired all day today, so fingers crossed that the good sleeping work pays off tomorrow.
Today, I've got the pre chemo day type feelings...ie the need to get things sorted pre next week. So the quick trip to Waitrose turned slightly longer, as I was putting supplies into the trolley...ridiculous...a bit like when snow is forecasted and people buy emergency milk and bread! Well, in this country it's generally unnecessary. I also have ensured DW's birthday gift is wrapped and the card written (that was an emotional one to write....complete with some tears). I am a lone cryer it transpires.
I've spent quite a bit of today writing this fine masterpiece ; ) as I wanted to be up to date before being boshed tomorrow for the 4th time. It's been a relaxing day. DW has had quality time with The Sunday Times. We've just got back from taking a walk to Bray, remarkably in the sunshine. And now it's time for me to prepare this week's feast. Tonight we're heading to the Middle East...here are the results!
Photo no.180: Ghelyeh Mahi (Cod in tamarind, coriander & fenugreek sauce), Gavurdagi Salatasi (Tomato salad with pomegranate molasses), Brown basmatic rice and asparagus.
A new adventure into Middle East....great dinner! I'm going to reduce the amount of tamarind next time, as it made the main dish a bit too sour but overall it got a double high five! Complete with some Albarino, a great Spanish white wine...good times.
So how am I feeling about tomorrow? There's a feeling of just wanting to get it over and done with. Once I know how I react tomorrow and the following 48 hours that should make things 'known' for rounds 5 and 6 (2 and 3). I'm glad about not wearing the cold cap, as it takes out the pain factor, though I'm still nervous about my remaining hair falling out. It'll be nice having DW there and it should mean that we get home earlier for some time together. I'm apprehensive about having to take the steroids orally once more (even if it is just one day). Overall, it will be what it will be so just roll with it and ride the wave. I just hope it goes ahead...potentially one of the most common feelings that I have so that I'm still on schedule to meet the 23rd June deadline.
As always a huge thank you to everyone I've seen, spoken to, communicated with this week...particularly the famous five of dinner on Friday night for giving DW a great birthday dinner...Eoin this follows on from our three go to Tetbury trip! Most of all as you know my heart and soul go to DW for him living with me throughout this...it's a tough gig but he's doing an awesome job. I'm hoping that I will be back in the zone for his birthday on Thursday. Big love to you all and I'll be back next week for the chemo chronicles part 4!xxx
